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pls advice me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by coolsweety, Jan 5, 2010.

  1. coolsweety

    coolsweety New IL'ite

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    Dear IL'S,
    After So many Depressed days I was happily married to a guy three months back.He was happy with me in all aspects.But one bad things in me is I am a very short women.I dont know what i speak with him when i am angry.I speak very rashly,arrogantly with my husband.He forgives me understanding my nature
    But due to this i am ruining my happy married life.Now he is telling that its his sin to marry me.Please IL's Please give me some solution.
    thanks
    coolsweety
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    you know the problem and also the answer
    when you are in anger if you cant control it just walk away for few mins relax and come back
    do meditation and yoiga helps a lot in controlling anger
    when you say something think twice before you open up
     
  3. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear cool,

    Whenever you get angry just shut your mouth.Dont talk even one word,how much ever you are provocated.Like this you can control your talk.When you say things in anger you cant rectify them later on,your husband is also a human bring.

    Try this silence and see.

    suji
     
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I would suggest you to walk away or ignore aggravating remarks, but I think it'd be healthier for you to confront the problem and learn how to communicate in an acceptable manner. Meaning, you should get to the point where even if you hear something you don't like, you're able to keep your temper under control AND still convey your feelings.

    Next time you feel your BP start to rise and anger boiling inside, take a deep breath and tell yourself... "I'm at home, with my husband, there's no reason for me to get on the defensive". Because sometimes when we get 'so mad', it feels like we're in a war, isn't! So remind yourself that it's just one discussion, and not worth any long term pain that could be caused by saying hurtful things to hubby.

    Once you reel yourself in, focus on what you want to say... without using bad language, without using personal attacks, and without raising your voice. Stay on topic and don't dredge up the past. If you feel yourself again spiraling out of control, again take a deep breath, and ask your dh if you can continue the conversation later.

    When you're discussing something intense, make sure you're both sitting down. And, try to hold his hand. It's hard to shout or be angry at somebody when you're holding their hand like that. It reminds you, 'hey, there's a person on the other end of this conversation!'

    If ever you feel yourself ready to throw a personal insult at your dh, think back to the happy times you've had together. It's hard to stay angry when you're remembering your wedding day, birthday, anniversary, etc that you've spent together.

    Those are my suggestions, good luck!
     
  5. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    As others suggested, just walk away when you feel that you are losing control over your temper. BUT before implementing this, tell your husband that you are working on your anger and trying to control the harsh words.

    Else, the next time, if you just walk away in the middle of an argument, you might end up him hurting even more. If you inform him beforehand, he will understand the effort you are putting in and his respect towards you will grow.

    -Lakshmi
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2010
  6. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    Just wondering... Why were you depressed before marriage?
     
  7. chitrav

    chitrav Senior IL'ite

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    hi,
    dont be depressed, control ur anger by doing yoga and meditation, when u get anger try to keep shut .
     

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