Plight of a MIL

I agree this happens tht regarding household chores their expectations are from dil more than their son....because they are conditioned like tht....their time is at fault where setup was like this....
This thing is certainly a mistake of mil but tht doesnt look like a good excuse for dil not doing anything....plus frm her post it was not looking like tht she doesnt want her son to do anything which many mil does.....only thing is she has expectations frm dil to share work and respect from her...
plus i want to know still in how many household man does equal household work as of woman....many man helps but still more and primary resp lies with wife mostly....very few will fight with their hubby to take absolute equal work.....
but here op is bashed becoz she is mil...
people accepting tht dil is wrong but still mil is bashed....
It is sounding like her dil behaves in this way becoz she is partial towards her son...i dont agree with this...
expecting more cant derive such detogatory behaviour as of her dil....
one thing more it doesnt look like tht she is expecting seva and care from the person whom she cant give motherly love....she is expecting het to share housework (afterall dil also lives in the home...) and basic respect and courtesy....which any mature person gives to any other reasonable person...why she shuld do cooking cleaning for dil....dil is an adult she shuld take care of her things at least...and now they are married so she shuld free her mil from her hudband work also and husband n wife shuld decide tht what will be done by whom...

 

You agree that it isn't correct to not share household work. But if the correct thing is not happening already, should we keep doing the wrong thing? Should we not try to change the wrong ones to right? Right now we might not succeed in achieving it, but i am sure if we keep trying, eventually we will achieve it. that is why some women keep fighting with the hubbies for their right of equal work.

If i am not wrong, here OP has a cook and a maid both. So don't think she is cooking and cleaning for the DIL. And now that they are married, why should she free her MIL from her husband's work?? has she married a kid, who can not take care of his own work? i don't mind if MIL wants to treat her son like a kid and wants to do his work even at a marriageable age, but why is the DIL expected do it? she is definitely not his mother. someone does something for the other person out of love/bonding, that is completely a different thing from expecting someone to do something just because they married them, which is not correct.

 

Gayathri, under the circumstances, you can either choose to ignore them and continue to lead life the way it is going on now or you can force them to leave the house. The question is how far are you willing to go?

As the more mature person in the relationship, is it possible for you to swallow your ego (I know it will be very difficult, it would be for anybody) and just continue to at least 'act' normal with your dil, like indulging in small talk? There might be resistance and silence or monosyllabic answers, but who knows if you persist maybe she might relent?

From what I read here, this seems a case of starting a relationship with prejudices. Maybe your dil has come into the relationship with stereotyped ideas of what her mil will be like? I am not for a moment trying to support her or take her side, but am just thinking of why she would communicate to you through your son instead of directly. I don't know how much you had interacted with her before marriage, but maybe she was scared of how anything she wanted to say would be received. Not any reflection on you, but as a basic fear any dil feels in this relationship. We can only try to guess. Did you try to instil confidence in her by talking directly to her to start with? Did you tell her that you would prefer her talking directly to you?

Somehow I get the impression that this has had a kind of snowballing effect of actions and reactions and a lot of water has flown under the bridge. So apart from taking extreme steps like throwing them out forcibly, the only option if you find the atmosphere in the house stifling is to try and wear down the differences slowly and patiently - at least you could try.

 

correcting wrong is not wrong....but using tht wrong as an excuse is wrong....and badhing of only one particular title called as mil for tht wrong is also wrong...
do u think tht having a cook n maid frees everybody frm household responsibilty...?
She didnt marry a kid and she is also not a kid either....if they would have been living separtely still dil would be doing hoysehold chores and forcing her husband to do the chores...but here she will no do any of theses as here doing any of these would be help to mil not her responsibilty.......

 

I am surprised no one called out on this one. Even more disappointed that there are likes for this. If this were true a lot of us can be easily replaced with a maid and a cook ..lets not go there..do not trivialize the things that need to be done to keep a house running.

 

. 2 yrs is a very long time to avail of the guest status. A MIL or any host does not owe her DIL . There is no excuse for an adult not pulling her/his weight .

 

Big mistake !!! Son came running for mommy . I know as a mom it might be really heartbreaking to see your son crying or being hurt and and you want to help him out.In the end husband and wife patch up and you become the bad person .I have seen this happening in my extended family as well .

I really do not know how you can ask them nicely to move out without them feeling you are throwing them out.Hopefully they will do it on their own . Do your chores to minimum .Get out with your husband ,visit your relatives .Live your life .