I dont have much experience to advice you. Looks like so much happened in the past and every one has their own version. But, I feel its better not to force anything. You son said very clearly that he dont want you to interfere in their family. Sad to hear that. But, Why you disrespect you again by going after them. May be its time to practice 'smart contact'. We cant force anyone to love or respect us. But we can definitly set the boundary. Stop contacting your DiL. You can limit your interaction with your children to once in two weeks or once in a month. Call them and talk, also to your grand kids. Even if you have good relationship with daughter, do the same. If they care they will call you frequently. If not, accept it. Also , dont go there if they dont invite you. Now you are single and healthy. Enjoy this new phase. Find hobbies that you enjoy. Takecare of your health. Do excercise. Travel. If you have money you can visit even foreign countries. Why to save money now for your kids, only for you. Keep you busy as lazy mind keep going back to past. Another important point is keep all your family issues with you. Dont share or blame your DIL or son to others because it will reach them. Its your kids duty to take care of you, DIL or SonIL has only supporting roles. Talk positively and only good things about them evennif you have urge to do so as its natural to vent due to the hurt feelings. Maintaining a distance and giving much space may help bring them back to you. Let them wonder whats going on. When they approach be vigilent but talk in a nicer sweet way. You cant control others thoughts or feelings but you can definitly control your response and plan your life ahead. Life is too short. Fill your life with people you are comfortable with, not someone who dont need you. Build your friends circle. As you are mature enough, forgive them and you, accept the past with a pinch of salt, lower expectations and enjoy rest of your life to the fullest. Reinvent yourself.