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please save my marriage. Need help. urgent!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by moumee, Nov 22, 2013.

  1. moumee

    moumee New IL'ite

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    Its almost 1 am and my husband has still not returned home. He came back from office and went to the gym at 8 pm.. its 1 am now.. which gym on earth is open till 1 in the morn?? Neither did he call nor message.. when I called its going in voice mails.. I'm extremely scared.. don't know what to do..
     
  2. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Is there any one in family who can understand situation and support you?His sister,mom or dad?you need support in this situation.
    Hows your relation with ILs side people? If he is having affair do you think they will support you?
     
  3. moumee

    moumee New IL'ite

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    Well, his parents will not care. I had called them a few days back to tell them about their son's behavior.
    They were least bothered and said he is a very "samajhdar bachcha" what can they say to him. Only my sister-inlaw and to some extent my brother-in-law will support me..
     
  4. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    Perhaps you could get your SIL and BIL to talk to him and get a whiff of what he is up to ? Do you know if he is showing any behavioural problems at his workplace ? If he is not, maybe you can rule out mental health issues. I think there is more to his behaviour than compatibility issues or mental health.
    Do you know if he has any gym buddies or drinking buddies ?
    (He must be extremely energetic to be exercising for ~ 4 hrs)
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2013
  5. sweetie7

    sweetie7 Bronze IL'ite

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    hugs to you dear i am praying for you will surely keep you in my prayers
     
  6. moumee

    moumee New IL'ite

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    I have written a long mail to my SIL as well as have spoken to her and her h. My BIL tried contacting my my husband but he did not talk to them as well... my h returned home at almost 2 am yesternight. I asked him don't u have any sense of responsibility. Shouldn't u have informed me that u'll be so late.. he just said that he did not realize the time and from next time he'll inform. That's it no sorry.. no remorse..today inspite of it being a holiday for Thanksgiving.. he left home at 8..didn't tell me where is he going or when he'll return..
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2013
  7. KP55

    KP55 Gold IL'ite

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    umm.. this guy is an emotional abuser. He sounds bi-polar to me. One day he is good another day he is bad. He doesn't know what he wants in his life and in the process he is playing with your life.

    He knows he can keep playing with your heart like this and you will keep running back. You have to be really honest with yourself, do you really LOVE being abused like this? If you then just suck it up and go with his flow. If he wants a divorce why hasn't he made the move? And really moved on by himself? Why did he call you over to Mexico?

    He likes to watch you beg for him; the day will come when you will move on and find someone else and he will be desperately trying to win you back.

    I hate to say it but perhaps he doesn't find you attractive anymore either. He thinks he can do better.

    I think this goes without saying it takes 2 to make a relationship work. But if he keeps throwing the word divorce anytime he feels like it, its time you grant this guy his wish. I'm serious, you have to be stern with guys like this. No point sitting there trying to understand his brain.
     
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  8. KP55

    KP55 Gold IL'ite

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    Another thing, STOP involving other people in your relationship. Writing long e-mails to SIL and BIL tells me you had to clarify some misunderstandings between you and his family. And why is the BIL contacting him? Shouldn't his sister be contacting him? Since she grew up with him?

    You and the BIL are outsiders, you will both understand each other because you will both see your DH's parents in the same light. And your BIL will sugarcoat things when talking to him. His sister on the other hand can swear up and down at him to make him understand and he might listen.

    All this back and forth with DH's sister is not going to help. She will forward that e-mail of yours to her parents or recite it with her own 'masala'. Then you are back at square one.

    IF you want to work at this; work at this with only 2 of you. Since you are both in Mexico alone, take this time to be a little 'sexy' around him. Do things that attracted him to you in the first place. See how he reacts. If he is really likes you at those moments, then you have your answer. He just wants you when you do that or when you look a certain way. Then just let this be a lost cause and move back home without him.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2013
  9. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    KP55, If there IS indeed an underlying medical issue or any form of substance abuse involved, it is just as well that OP keeps her SIL in the loop. Somehow I feel that OP's husband is relying on the distance between himself and OP and the rest of his family so that while he gets what he wanted, the exact circumstances remain unknown to his family in India.
    I hope that in this case, the SIL is a decent soul and does not put too much masala into things. But then, OP could stand to lose, both with or without her SIL's involvement. The BIL contacting him *could* set the cat among the pigeons as well.

    Since OP says that the last fight was set off by her hugging him, and he is emotionally abusing her, I don't think acting sexy around him is a good suggestion.

    Also, I do not know much about divorce laws, but if OP's husband is successful is making her leave Mexico (just through emotional abuse, no physical violence involved ), can he file for divorce on grounds of desertion ?
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2013
  10. vathsala30

    vathsala30 Platinum IL'ite

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    dont loose heart . We are all with you and our prayers for your happy married life will solve your problems soon .
     
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