please save my marriage. Need help. urgent!

I hope all the best for you.

But if he's acting like a spoilt child and wants out of the marriage, try giving him some breathing space. Maybe he'll cool down and be more rational then.

 

OP, hugs to you.

Your DH sounds very similar to someone I know who is an alcoholic. He drinks a lot and then asks his wife to go away, die whatever. This happens for a week or so and then he apologizes to her.
I think alcohol may be a big factor in your H's case.

I also feel that his ego is not able to handle a well-earning talented wife. You said that you bought a lot of stuff for him, helped him with applications etc. Perhaps what your PILs did not like about you-your husband also has some sort of issues with this.

I think that he needs serious counselling both on his anger and marriage.
Please stay away from him for a while for your peace, and for him to introspect.
I suggest that you leave for India and tell him that you will stay with him only if he goes for counselling.
The more he realizes that you will not leave him (figuratively), the more immature and unreasonable he will get.

Very glad to note that you have a good career. Please focus on that for now.

 

just be clam and cool and try to understand the situation and see what your husband wants, try to find out the reason and talk to him and resolve it together.....so don't take any permanent decision on your temporary emotions, have patients and trust soon the things will settle down...

 

Deeply in love one moment...asking u to leave the next..inviting a guest to dinner and then stepping out ...there seems to be a lot of volatility..
And here u are clueless as to what went wrong in ur marriage..
Not to scare u hon but have u considered Bi-Polar disorder.
Moumee can u convince ur DH to a see a doc/professional counselor?

 

When he has problems with others (not you), does he run away / end the relationship too? If yes, then it could be his basic nature and have nothing to do with the last argument you had with him.

 

Moumee dear,

Hope you feel better now. Take care.

i apologise if this scares you. (And rest of the readers, I realize I'm going to get brickbats for this. :hide it sounds very unscientific but I've heard of these things happening - though the rational bits in my brain scoff, I'm wondering if your unsolved mystery might have the cause there. Hence I take the plunge...

are his parents happy with you now? Or are they still trying to split you up? Did they give you a religious object or anything at all to give your husband? Anything that you took out on that fateful Saturday?

I have heard a story secondhand about a neighbour in India. To cut a long story short, her mil brought a sacred lemon (from someone who practices black magic, I presume) and put it in the puja room. The loving husband suddenly turned violent and uncaring for a week or so. On advice of her friend, she stamped and flushed the lemon away and within 15 min her husband was back apologising telling her he can't understand why he behaved like a mad man. I scoffed then, but I can't help remembering it now. And I've heard of similar farfetched stories about such magicked objects causing illness. Perhaps your folks know a trusted pandit who could help? All the best.

Although the the late work and disappearance on Saturday somehow makes me think another woman...

Hugs to you sweetie..

 

If he actually loves you he would have stick around.This is second time he is trying to separate.There is something rotting in this marriage for long time.You are not able to see it.
OP please go on detective mode.If he is not telling you openly REAL reason why he wants separation you need to figure it out yourself.I too think there is strong possibility of third party.

 

op,

Acc to you, he is normal or rather behaves normal till something comes over him every once in a while. Why? You dont know and we are not able to guess either. It could be third party, some mental disorder, his parents influence or whatever. Only time will reveal the truth. You dont need to play detective, nor do you need to 'make him fall in love with all over again' as you said in your post no 1. Just watch and wait. Since you are in the dark as to real reason, just focus on the concrete. Which is... study for your exam and give it, then go back. meanwhile try to develop thick skin about his antics. just check out mentally and stop feeling hurt etc about what he does. There is a problem and since it is not with you there is nothing else you can do. i would advise you that if he changes his mind yet again you dont forgive so easily and dont be so eager to give up everything and put him first just becos your friends did so. Look at the person first, his behaviour and check if that person is worth your love and sacrifice. Ultimately if he does not want to be with you there is nothing you can do. You cannot force him. Whether it is 3 years or 10 years down the road it is the same. Your h has some issues. Dont waste your time psychoanalysing him. Cut your losses and get out of the situation with as much intact as possible.

 

Sandhya..Welcome back!