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Please Help On Child Custody

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by dollysonpari, Jul 18, 2020.

  1. dollysonpari

    dollysonpari Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Friends

    Please help me , Im in US married for 10 yrs with two kids now, 6 year old and 6 month old . My husband had 7 years affair before marriage and his parents did not agree for his marriage due to caste issue. His parents choosed me and did arranged marriage.

    I did not know that he had affiar before marriage. Only after having a child i came to know about his affair. Now its been 10 yrs still they are maintaing their affair. My husband is very stubborn for other lady and now he is planning to go on travel option in his job to live with the other lady. When ever I ask he is not accepting the affair and always lie to me. in front of me he is chatting to other women and deleting all the chat . I could not take any evdience reagarding the issue.

    He is giving me mental torture without any evidence so that I should go away from his life and force him for divorce and other people will think that he is very innocent and it was not his mistake for divorce . He wants to create such scene socially and to family.

    Im on h4 and not working and before marriage also i was not working. Now at this corona lock down time he is trying to make me to go to India. My parents are very aged and they cannot support me finacially. I will be on the road begging for kids future and money.

    As im not working and kids are US citizens .My husband want me to go back to India and his parents are supporting him now for his affair since he is very stubborn for the other women.

    If my 6 year old contact US authorities from India and say that she wants to stay in US and not ready to go anywhere , will US goverment take my kids under their custody? Will cops arreset me for my negelagence of kids? or will they hand over my kids to my husband?
     
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  2. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    You should consult an attorney , and tell everything and you have to know what are your rights and what are kids rights. If he wants divorce, he has to arrange everything for kids and you to live in decent way. Don't sign anything have a lawyer talk to him, even court expenses he has to give,, as he is the reason for this divorce.
     
    joylokhi likes this.
  3. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, you should consult an attorney regarding your rights. There is a high chance for you to get primary custody. But in US it will be mostly joint custody.

    I assume that you are 100% sure about the affair.
    As there is no physical abuse ( if so options are different) , you can take a stand that you are not going to leave the marriage Or give divorce or go to India. Tell him you will stay in the same house as parents of kids. Completely ignore him and live your life till you are confident to take a decision. Meanwhile work on your financial independence. In India if you deny divorce, it's not easy to get a divorce like in USA.

    If he asks for divorce, tell him, you married him in front of everyone, so everyone will be informed about the divorce and its reasons too. Involve elder members of your famil, only when you are confident to separate. Make sure he pays you enough to have a good life.

    But before that ( very important) , go on an unaffected mode and collect evidence. Record his verbal abuse if any. Store all evidence in your secret email or drive. There are many software tools for that. Google . Behave normal and take a stand you can't travel or go to India due to covid. It takes another one year. Let him tell whatever he wants, keep silence and leave it through the other ear. Remember he is no longer your husband, why to give importance. Your kid is only 6 months, both of you need care. Focus on that. Let him travel or whatever, you continue in USA with kids. But don't talk about affair till you have enough evidence. If not, he will be careful about hiding it.

    Is there any chance to get green card or working visa. If you want to stay in USA, tell him that and asks him to work on that. If kids are us citizens, it's better to stay here . I am sure you can go back to India if he allows you to take kids with you. Tell him you want joint custody and like the presence of both parents in your kids life. Dont go for any argument or fights. Just ignore. Have an aim in life and work on that.

    Or you can take a stand, you dont want custody, he can take kids, you didn't bring any kids to his life( this he will never expect, he is dreaming about his life with lover, not with kids). Take this stand, till you decide anything. Never sign anything even if he force you to do so. If there is physical abuse, tell him you will call 911 and do so if needed.


    He betrayed you and your kids. If he cannot provide a good family life, why he brought two kids in to this life.

    Dont allow him to get out so easily. He will continue in USA & enjoy with his lover ( is she married, any chance to inform her husband or family) , while you struggle in India with divorce tag and with two kids.

    Be smart, collect evidence, build your life then only think about divorce. There is no point in continuing in a loveless marriage. But it's your call. Have you informed your parents about it. Buy time, plan( dont reveal it to him until you are ready) and execute. Take control of your life into your hands
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2020
    shravs3, joylokhi and Rihana like this.
  4. dollysonpari

    dollysonpari Silver IL'ite

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    Hi DDREAM & Kashmir flower

    Thanks for taking your time to reply. Im really scared to contact attorney as it might complicate the issue with my husband. I dont have green card yet. Not sure about what to do next as due to corona lock down both in India and USA.
     
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You have to contact a lawyer who is experienced with both immigration and divorce issues as your situation is complex. I am sorry for what you are going through but you need proper professional advice.
    If you can find some women’s groups in your area they might be able to suggest you an affordable lawyer. You can pay in cash so there is no trail. The conversation you have with a lawyer is confidential and that information will not be revealed to your spouse.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Agree with @MalStrom . Its important to consult an attorney. No one is going to come there and help you. It's sad. So take control of your life to your hands.

    If I were in situation, I will take a stand that i wont go to India or agree with divorce now. Its covid time,so avoid travel. It's his responsibility to help you with kids. Let him do whatever, be firm on it. If he go for divorce here, he has to give you atleast 50% of marital property and ailmony. But in India he can escape easily and it will be a long term battle.

    But do your homework and empower yourself. Be bold and strong. If he push you so much for divorce, inform all family members, friends and every one about his affair and name of his lover, and how he spoiled your life by this betrayal. Also, make sure he pay you enough and provide ailmony. Dont file divorce by yourself or go for mutual now. He will use this against you and act innocent in front of others by blaming you. Dont sign any papers without consulting attorney and also inform both of your families.

    Focus on your life with kids. Dont go after or argue with him. Just ignore.

    Did you get a chance to talk to him? What are his plans. Is he asking divorce?
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2020
    mybaby1 likes this.
  7. Tubinbataye

    Tubinbataye New IL'ite

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    How did you found the affair between h and the other lady? Is she married? I guess your h would advantage of your situation(not working and dependent on him) just keep calm and don’t utter a word about his affair. Try contacting a n attorney. If you feel that ll complicate try to involve any of your common friends. If it’s an old relationship sure his circle must be aware.
    What does a man actually wants!
     
    dhara18 likes this.
  8. dhara18

    dhara18 New IL'ite

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    don't go india.. in usa, its better make your self financially and mentally stronger.. 6 months and 6 year child , they need safe home. if he is not abusing you physically or financially , take time and make your safe station, make good escape plan. immigration laws and divorce law are different.. be smart ,gather all evidence very carefully, make local support systems and good friends.,take your time you still going from postpartum period...be kind to your body and mind.. he is just one corner in your life.. if he is good provider, not torturing you mentally, physically or financially take some time till you get safe place and safe plan for sake of your kids. you will get alimony , child support and 50% in his property. usa will be better options for your kids.. be strong..may god lead you to right path dear.. dont loose hope.
     
  9. Grantre

    Grantre Senior IL'ite

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    Have you consulted an attorney regarding the custody? Any update? How are things holding up?
     

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