Please help - My brother is gay

Dear Canreachus,

I was one of those who advised for closing the thread (though I fully agree that it is the discretion of the OP and the moderators).

I did it not because of the reason stated by you, but by seeing that there are too many cross talks, instead of giving direct advice to the OP. And we are whirling around in the same place!!!

By the way, I was referred to as 'noble idealist' by one of the members. I gladly accepted that as a compliment :coffee

 

:hiya A long thread indeed, and lots of discussions on the only two options available with the OP.

May I please conclude....

The OP either can accept the gayness of her brother and try to convince her mother to accept gayness.

or she can try to change her brother and make him normal.

Someone has to compromise , life is all about compromises, the OP needs to decide whether it will be her mother or her brother.

And as far as India is concerned, I am not bothered a bit about the Indian Ladies who stay abroad and post big posts about accepting gay and modern things. INDIA is INDIA, in abroad in beaches you will find gals in swimsuits, but in india you cannot, and if someone tells that why not means not, it is not possible. Similarly is the case with many other traditions. India has a rich culture and tradition, and according to that tradition being GAY is considered WRONG. And the parents will surely suffer the brunt of Society. Again a broadminded IL will comment on why should parents care about society?
But you just cannot ignore them, because in India people are very close, unlike abroad, here even neighbours know everything about whats hot and whats not. However hard we try we cannot change some things. MIght be in comming years things might change but not as of present.

I would also request the OP to post her decision, as to what she intends to do now with her Brother and Mother. Apart from the above if some member has some 3 rd plan :idea which can satisfy both mother and brother please post it.

I am more inclined and of the view that her brother should change, because I live in India, and know the society. So when in Rome be a Roman. When in India be Straight. :crazy

 

Hmmm. Since exactly how many mili-seconds ago has the "rich cultural tradition of India" been the sole copyright property of one individual to

"...love and to hold, and
uphold and behold, and
opine and define
what is
Wrong versus Fine..."?

​

Last I knew, there were 1.15billion of us wanting a stake in that noble task, not to mention an additional 30million of us "other Indians less Indian than Indians living in India..."

 

What a condescending statement!

 

dear riya
i am sorry if my reply to the thread sounded snide or judgemental to you...it was not intended to be either...i was just expressing my views on the subject....since i felt strongly on the subject i expressed it as such..it was not meant to be inflammatory or hurting..if it sounded so i apologize...this site is a group for friendly and healthy discussions and let us not spoil it by making derogatory remarks...once again i apologize for having hurt you
regards
raji

 

Thanks for your understanding. You are right, let this be a friendly place to share our problems and express our views. Its not correct to be dominant and impose our opinion on anyone else. If there are different opinions, let them be. Lets learn to respect the differences. I really appreciate you took time to reply to clarify your intent. No hard feelings please..

We all hope OP is able to handle this difficult situation with calm.

 

I am LOLing at the post that said "Make her brother normal":rotfl


He is normal currently. There is nothing abnormal with him.

 

I am joining you as well......there is another gem of a sentence in that post 'When in India...Be Straight!'....:bonk

 

Know what folks...there is some sense in it. It is definetely hard for people from a conservative place to accept anything devisted form what has been being followed. At the same time, it is equally difficult for soemoen to apna something that is'nt their cup of tea. Best thing in such situation is keep quiet. Brother did not need to reveal his bedroom preferences to anybody, he could just say he is not interested in marriage. I think Sis is strectching it too much. Give it some time. He did not reveal it to his mum, but sis had doen it. which is wrong.

(RSK here is the 3rd option)

Sis - i initialy said this and saying it again.
1) Dont strect and stop trying to get mum to accept or understand it again and again to mum. Just rest the matter. Does not need to be stretched any further by revealign this to everybody (dad, husband). Bro is right in planning not to marry, my salutes. But he has to identify himself first, as Riya said (she had some valid points, i said some*). Sis need not stress mum to accept it. She has accepted it but doesnot need someone to keep reminding her and talk good about being somethign she has not known of/heard of in her generations. TIME WILL HEAL EVERYTHING. DISTANCE too.

 

Dear ks,
everyone might have different reasoning while saying it, I just mentioned one of the possible reason...that was a general statement not specifically for you...yes the thread is going in various direction, because sometimes we can not pull out the exact meaning and take it otherwise, I agree there are so much of cross talk instead of direct advice to op