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Please Help Me

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Bagiya, Apr 15, 2010.

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  1. Bagiya

    Bagiya New IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    Again i am with one problem. I got a proposal through Bharat Matrimony; He was in UK that time. He said he is separated; they have applied for mutual consent. Within three week, he also told me that he have a pre mature ejaculation problem, so is there any problem for me. He is also interested in second baby as I already have a daughter. He also said his wife had insulted me for this and she also told him that he is not a eligible man. I was fine with that. One day i got a call from a lady she claimed that she is his wife and he is simply cheating me. She is also in UK. She said she is three months pregnant and she doesn’t like her husband this type of behaviour so she is planning for divorce once her sister ‘s wedding is over. She also said that his parents won’t agree for a girl with a child so my marriage will not happen. He might say some reason after sometime and go away. She also said he will meet me and might use me leave. Then again in the second day she called me and told that he is very good with her this is just a hobby or addict for girls that is why he is doing all this.

    I asked that guy what is this, he said no that girl is like this she had done this before marriage also, when we saw this girl i said no, and we started looking for other girl but this girl was so adamant and my parents also forced me to get married to this girl so i got married. He said wait for four months i will come and meet you in person and then you decided, i said ok.

    But he used to call me every day and chat also. Once we had some argument and he was upset and said that i only will come back. i just left it. But he used to chat with me regularly. One day he himself called me and was fine. But he said that you don’t call me as i am busy in work, you just message me i will call you. After a month’s time he called me from new number, i did not ask him about that and chat timing was also different. On the same day by mistake my daughter dialed his wife’s number and got disconnected. That female again called and asked me about the call i told her that by mistake it had happen, but she was asking whether i am still chatting with him i said no and disconnected the call. I even told this guy that this had happen, he was upset and asked why are you doing this i said my mistake this had happen, and he said he don’t trust me. i left it. After that also he called me once in a week and chat was there every day and it was also normal. He calls me in different time, i asked him once why are calling me in this time as you will be sleeping now, he said i will go back to sleep. But i was bit suspicious but I was thinking due project he had gone and he might to India as he had told he will come in April[FONT=&quot]. In one call he asked whether i told girl that this guy won’t have a baby. I said i did not tell anything like that. i only told if he is fraud he will suffer for that mistake, he asked me what is there to suffer, if something goes wrong and we are not marrying what will happen, I said that is different, if you wanted doing is different and we left that argument. Then one Friday i got a called from different number i missed it as i was driving. Then i tried that foreign number but got a message number not in use. i thought it might he i messaged to his new number and tried but got a messaged that not reachable. Then i had a number from where he had called me last then i found that it is US number and it was a hotel. One whole week he did not call and no chat also. I also found that he had blocked me in Chat. I got angry and left it. One night i got a call from him asking for one guy, i said i dont know that guy. I asked what happen he said somebody had called his wife’s friends place. so he had called that guy to enquire and that guy had told my name. I said i don’t know anybody and i did not do it. I also asked where are you he did not tell that for some time and he accept that he is not in UK and gone to Canada and also apologized for not informing me, but I know he is in US. He said please don’t call me for three months i only will come back to you. I said what this is why are doing this. He said he has lot of problem so he will solve it and get back to me. i said you asked me to wait for four months that is over now, and again you are asking for three months to call only and you are telling you don’t know when will you come to India. He said please this is a request. i just left it. I mailed that girl asking why she is playing this game with me. She called me from US and said the she did not do anything somebody had called her friend that is why that guy called you might. She said that they had come to US long back, but she called me from UK two weeks ago, i said leave it. i asked about her pregnancy she said it is four months now, but in Jan she said it is already three months, in April she is telling it is four months. I said OK and left it. two days after he came online and asked about that guy i said i dont know and he said leave it you are innocent may be that girl is playing game. After that no call and no chat. I thought of mailing him that his wife had called me but did not feel like doing it.

    I checked his native also, he is from that place i also saw his house.

    So please friends let me know what should i do now. I like this guy but confused now. I know i should leave it, but in one corner if he is really genuine why should i miss him as he was very fond of my daughter. He often enquires about my daughter. Once she was not well, he pinged in the morning to check how she is and called spoke to her. His wife is also telling lot of lies.

    So please help me.


    Sorry for the long post.[/FONT]
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2010
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  2. APassionateOne

    APassionateOne New IL'ite

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    Do not trust anyone who you met online. Even if you know this person's house etc, you still need to clarify his relationships and status (married/single/divorced/separated; work; place of living, income, health, behavior etc) with lots of his relatives, parents and friends. You need to confirm that he has no relationship with his wife and that there won't be any problems with her or her family in future. You also need to be sure about his parents accepting you along with your daughter. Don't waste your time and peace over something that is so uncertain.

    It is not just you whose life will be affected if something goes wrong. Think about your daughter and please be very careful in dealing.

    First ask him to come and meet you and your parents along with your family meeting theirs. One person can lie to one person, but a person cannot lie to a whole family or a whole family cannot lie to one person or a whole family.
    So..BE SMART, TACTFUL and very CAREFUL.

    Good Luck.
     
  3. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Bagiya,
    You know deep in your heart that there is something shady about this man . You can ask for his address in UK and get it verified by the Indian Embassy , it can be done.
    How did his wife get hold of your number if they are getting divorced, they cannot still be living together !
    There are couples working together to fool widows and single women desperate to remarry . Saying that he is from U K or US will be a magnet to most girls and they will jump at the opportunity.
    The entire setup is shady , he has medical problems , his pregnant wife / girl friend is hanging around his neck , he is not yet divorced ,the future is certainly not bright !
    Please do not let him emotionally blackmail you thru your DD. He could be just talking to you for timepass and enjoying it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2010
  4. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    B, first and foremost you come out of your first marriage. I believe your case is still on. Come out of it without any scars and then you start your partner search.

    What you have described here doesn't look all that great. Why do you want to entangle in another mess? My two cents, you think and act. You are important to yourself and to your daughter.
     
  5. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Bagiya,

    Avoid this guy. He seems to be unstable and insecure. He wants to share his life with you but doesnt want you to know where he is going for 3 months? This is definitely suspicious. Also how did his ex get your number and why is she calling you?

    There are better men out there. Wait for the right person.

    -Lakshmi
     
  6. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Even to read whats happening it doesn't make sense at all.How come you even consider that person for a marraige.
    Just forget it and leave peacefully with your daughter untlil you find genuie relaible person.
     
  7. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Bagiya,

    Please do not rush into anything. Take your very own time.
    Learn to ask lot of questions to yourself and also to him. It is then you will know the true him. By your post it is evident that he is trying to avoid the truth. He might be good to your daughter to impress you.

    You do not love him. You are just trying to know him. So it's ok to question whatever he said until you feel comfortable. And please do not rush.
    Be cautious now than being sorry in future.

    Best Regards
    Archana
     
  8. Meenamohan

    Meenamohan Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Bagiya,

    I think you should not judge anyone thru computers i mean online. Also the whole thing is inconsistent just have a double check done about his whereabouts, work and most important his character.
    After readin your post I only thought you can get a better person without any complications. But If you think you like hiim so much then do a double or triple checking ...
     
  9. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Please don't waste your time, your life and that of your daughter's for some guy like this. Imagine the pain the wife would be going through when this guy is flirting like this with another woman. They are not legally separated yet !!! don't be the one who broke a family. This guy is not worth to be a human first, forget being a husband to you.

    Good luck.
     
  10. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well said nadhu,that guy not even seperated and shopping for other women.
     
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