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Please Help Me With Your Suggestions...abt My Married Life

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by madhu26, Oct 31, 2018.

  1. madhu26

    madhu26 Junior IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,
    I am Madhu...I shared so many things here and so many friends suggest me many times...Please help me with your suggestions for this time also...My problem is i am staying in SG. My in-law came to take care of my daughter as i am working...starting she is okay but after some days i feel so alone because when weekend comes full day my husband is with in-law only...only for food they will come out of room. he didn't even ask me whether i need help or not. i thought MIL misses him a lot and be silent..But after two weekends also same ...one night my husband ask me y u r like this i told him i am okay then he asked again...then i told everything i felt he got angry...and said "You are separating me and my mother...after she left i am with u only then i will spend time" ..but i know she came only for shot time but it never mean that he has to spend all the time with her....after My MIL also changes a lot she started complaining many things and said bad about me to their daughter...i did any wrong? Am i Possessive...i have only time in weekend only at least some time if he spend i am more happy...After fighting i am so dull becoz..always i am having in-law problems i don't know what she wanted she is always saying my daughter is good abt in-laws except me.... i tried my best to take care of her still i am so dull...My husband also won't understand what i want...sometimes i feel like i can leave him becoz of my daughter i am staying with him...for eg:for my husband bday i bought cake for surprize him..but after he sees cake he ask me y u bring cake without even know me and my MIL said whats bday we won't celebrate these things...but i know before my MIL celebrate his birthday so well...after that i am so upset
     
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  2. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    @madhu26,

    Your mil has come to help you.
    Make an effort to be pleasant and care for her genuinely. Try to take part in their talks and spend time with her. I am sure that they will not throw you out of the room. When you mingle easily, she will need less time with her son and your hubby might feel less guilty at her loneliness or that she is being used as a house help. By being proactive, you may clear the atmosphere, your hubby will be guilt free and he will definitely try to spend more time with you.

    I understand that it was mean on their part to not appreciate the cake you brought. Shrug it off! Either they are rude or trying to settle some scores and put you down or...give them the benefit of doubt.

    With a little child, your life is taking off now; don't give up so easily, with determination and positivity, set things right.

    Working hard to meet the deadlines or prove something to someone is different from enjoying the work proactively. Hope you take it in the right spirit.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2018
    nakshatra1, Ammu2886, shravs3 and 3 others like this.
  3. AkilaMani

    AkilaMani Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Madhu,

    I totally agree with what @GeetaKashyap has said.

    Be more patient. Spend time with your in-laws. She is here to help you out. I know a lot of grandparents who come here to SG feel very lonely as they miss their hometown. So talk to her, when you take your daughter to the playground on weekends, ask her if she wants to join in. Make her feel included. Offer to help her in any way you can.

    Forgive the cake incident, it was wrong on their part, still forgive it and move on.

    Take care.
     
    GeetaKashyap likes this.
  4. Ammu2886

    Ammu2886 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Madhu26,

    From your previous post i feel your baby must be less than 2 years...Taking care of kids requires much patience and energy and your in laws must be doing a great job by helping you out at their old age.Like making them bath/eat/sleep all the daily activities that of a kid will definitely make your mil exhausted for sure.

    And I think the week end is indeed a week end for her as well...Both of you will be away on week days at work....so she can find and speak to her son on week ends only..☺️

    Go for dinner,weekend outings,movies etc with your family..include your mil also..make her feel special...tell your mil that you want to show her new places...Let her get the trust on you...

    Rather than your hubby spending time with your mil you try to snatch that time for yourself..Involve your mom in law in whatever you do..dont make her feel lonely...

    And then will hubby definetely spend time with you as well... Get him a feeling that you are not separating him from his mom.. at the same time make sure you don't lose your self respect too..If you need any help you need to speak out rather than keeping it with yourself..
     
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  5. madhu26

    madhu26 Junior IL'ite

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    Thank you so much ...for timely suggestion... Maybe i feel lonely that's y i felt everything is wrong...i will try to spend more time...
     
    GeetaKashyap likes this.
  6. madhu26

    madhu26 Junior IL'ite

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    I am getting more confidence after taking so many suggestions from different Ladies.....Thank you so much for that...i felt some relief after posting threads and taking some suggestions and tips...
     
    Ammu2886 and GeetaKashyap like this.
  7. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    As others said, concentrate on the posituves, ignore the negatives and most important don't carry any expectations with you.. i will pull you back.(according to peets 2nd law)..when you get time you can just read threads in this forum.. u will understand how much they are struggling and how lucky you are.
     
  8. preeti6years

    preeti6years Silver IL'ite

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    If she is taking good care of the child in ur absence, I think you can leave their negatives for sometime. Having patience is the key here
     

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