please help me to solve a major problem of my close friend

battagani · Mar 22, 2010

dear il's,
thank you all, who had responded to my friend's problem.
yes, my friend does not have any internet connection. she don't know about indus ladies. i posted this thread because i'm very much about her future. the main problem is if she ever argue with him when he is drunk, he will beat her "why are you questioning me". if she talks in the morning, then he will rush up to his job telling that he has no time.
his parents know about this, he don't care about them. her parent(mother) know about this , but he won't listen to her.
first of all my friend is getting dipressed because she is questioning herself, "why me?, why her life is like this?". she came to her mother and not going to him. but he is ringing her everyday, and asking her to come to him. she likes to stay with him, but she is not going because she is afraid that he will beat again(this situation has repeated so many time in her 8 years married life). she is afraid of society to give divorce that no one will respect her, and there is value to a lady who is divided from her husband.
he always gets loans from all sources, and asks his wife to pay them back. and my friend will pay them back. she paid about 2 lakhs of his debts since their marriage. he is just using her for his need.
she is not thinking to get divorce, because she is still hoping that oneday he will change.

Priya16 · Mar 22, 2010

Your original post looks like your friend married recently.But in the latest post you have mentioned they have been married for 8 years.He still think about his lover and talk to her now?Don't she think 8 years is too much to work on this marraige?

battagani · Mar 22, 2010

dear priya,
she is married in 2002. but she never enjoyed happy life with her husband.

Priya16 · Mar 22, 2010

I don't think any person still have feeling after 8 years.He may be alcholic adict and covering up by giving some stories.
If he wanted to chage then only he can stop drinking.If she knows she can't change him then why even give a try to stop him drinking.Is that women married?Still her husband and his ex-lover in touch each other.In that case both might be cheating there partners.
What she is acheving by living in this relation.Yes the person will change only when he in death bed or only when he need her services.Ask her to be strong and concentrate on her health and continue to live with her paretns for sometime and don't go to her husband.She needs to take a long break on what to do next .

simrose · Jun 6, 2011

Hi,

I hope your friends issue is resolved by now. It's been more than a year after the last post.

There are lot of women in India suffering in the name of society. Either they are not strong enough to take a cut throat decision and come off or they want to find comfort in the name of husband.

You friend is not bothered about society when she stays with her mother. She is worried about society for filling a divorce? In the eight years if she had just been recovering his loans then she could have set-up her own living with that money. If she hasn't come out of it and still she's suffering ask her to be out of this relationship and let him live his life however he wishes to. With his girl friend or with whomever. Let him not spoil your friends life.

Good luck to your friend.

tlsriman · Oct 8, 2013

true, many women tolerate due to various reasons - society, children, fear of future, living a separate life etc. Ask you friend to protech herself so that there is no kid till things are solved, go to endocrinologist doctor to improve hormonal health. Telling inlaws might help or make it worse. Before talking to them you have to judge them-they might know it already and may put the full blame on your friend.

Is the other lady still interested, Is she in touch with your friends husband? Is so, how about her husband? Is he aware of this? These should be checked

Is she financially independent, if so, she can collect proof for abuse and file divorce before conceiving. But this is to be thought of only after trying all other means.