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please help me to solve a major problem of my close friend

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by battagani, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. battagani

    battagani New IL'ite

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    dear il's,
    I want to share a problem that is eating me from so many days. please give suggestions to solve a problem of a close friend of mine. here is the problem.
    my friend is highly educated but she is a little bit fat at the time of her marriage. i don't want to hide any thing from you all. she has menstrual cycle disorder. we all think it is harmonial imbalance. they are looking for matches to her at the age of 27. one alliance came but he is too dark and not a highly educated man. he is a P.D in a tribal welfare school. he accepted to marry my friend. they thought that they can't bring a match as good as this because she lost her father and no one is there to look for good matches. she married him. after marriage on the third itself she came to know that he drink. she adjusted with this eventhough she don't like. after that , one month after marriage, he told her that he loved a girl before marriage and he drinks because he did not able to marry her. his girl friend's parents forcely did marriage to her when they came to know about their affair, at that time this guy is out of station. he still loves her and whenever he drinks he talks about her with his wife.
    my friend felt happy that she is already married. but now he is getting calls from her eveyday and they talk for hours. one my friend came to know that they are in touch. and he is beats my friend whenever he is drunk.
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    battagani,

    If she is more weight than required,she can start doing lot of things right that will also help for menstural cycle.Ask her to first stat imporving her life.
    If the men and other women wanted to get in touch no body can help them becuase they are grown ups and they can do whatever they wanted.
    Ask her to have a open discussion with the other girl too.Whay they wanted to do now.Does her husband interested to seperate from her and get married to the other girl.He might have married may be pressure from his parents.So his parents can influence him.Tell her that if he raises his hand he would complain to police.Asl her to stand strong and work on her health and don't worry about the husband behaviour at this point.See her in-laws have anything to do.If not ask her husband what he really wanted at this point?
    She should be clear about his intentions.Without knowing his intentions it's very hard for your friend to decide on anything.
    Don't worry about her parents.First place she did mistake by worrying about her age and weight and married to a person without knowing details about him.
     
  3. reshma2010

    reshma2010 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi, Did she take this issue with her in-laws? If not, please ask her to do so. I hope atleast her in-laws should support her. Also ask her to find his ex-girlfriend's number and try to talk to her. So that she can understand abt their current relationship. If that girl is good, ask her to stop talking to him. I don't know how long she has been married. Because of stress, her mensutral problems may increase. Ask her to see a doctor and start medication. I hope you will get some advice from other ladies in this forum.
     
  4. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    I wonder why people write on behalf of their friends and not the friend herself.
     
  5. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    Her friend might not be having Internet access. Who knows !! Possible :)
     
  6. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    Your friend should separate from her husband. There are enough reasons.
     
  7. BeeAmma

    BeeAmma Silver IL'ite

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    Physical abuse is a strict no-no.
    Is she financially independant? Can she separate and survive on her own?
     
  8. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    It is plain to see that your friend ought not to have married her husband. It is a tragedy that an educated woman is forced to get married to the first man who says yes just because she is fatherless, overweight and 27! How society punishes women! :bang

    Your friend is an educated woman and she has to draw the line at being beaten. If that means separating from her husband then that is the only choice she has. She has to have a frank talk with her husband and only when he is SOBER. No more beatings and no more contact with the other woman. If he doesn't care then she doesn't have to either. Living with this man will only bring life long heartache for her. She did what other people told her and this is what she got in return. This time she must choose to live her life without caring about anyone else.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2010
  9. kumark

    kumark New IL'ite

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    this is not only a problm of your friend. there are many indian women facing similar problems in life. but not coming out as they dont want to reveal anything.

    in your problem, you please sit and discuss him what your husband want to do? he wants to get divorce or what? thank god there is no child yet. if he decided to divorce, please do it but beofore that find out a job for you. it is not a big issue now. First of all, dont think a women cant live without a husband.

    Good luck
    Kumar




     
  10. ProReal

    ProReal Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,
    No one should put up with an abusive relationship. Please advice your friend that she should move on and file for a divorce. I am sure her side of the family will stand by her in this decision
     

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