1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Please help me not to explode - need your prayers, harassing BIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by confusedwoman, Nov 13, 2014.

  1. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,139
    Likes Received:
    3,938
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear op,
    This itself shows how much extreme stress you are enduring that you are grateful for the mere validation of your woes. You are unable to understand some aspects of of the advice right now. It is okay, it is a process, you have to complete the steps mentally by yourself. We are able to see it objectively but you will also get there soon hopefully. Till then do come back and vent whenever you want, it will help you process the situation you are enduring.

    And please remember there are only 2 people in a marriage and it is make or break by those two people 's action only., There will always be a third party no matter how blameworthy, to blame for the dysfunction if you want to go that route but, for real change you have to look at people in the marriage, not outside.
     
    5 people like this.
  2. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,760
    Likes Received:
    4,258
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, being a doc you should be the 1st one to educate people and stop the name calling of any kid - yours or others, autistic or not.
    Sadly you are finding the term as insulting since it was directed at your kid who has met the milestones. Well you have your own problems, understandable yet not settling since you say you are a doc.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. confusedwoman

    confusedwoman Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    115
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Good that you have posted this, now as you know what is so unsettling in a doc, you should also know that the only term acceptable to any mother no matter what education even if not reaching milestones from others is that child's name or if in school only differently abled. So it is an insult irrespective of what the child's ability is


    While I am thankful for your reply, a chance to take a dig at me is not why I posted in this forum.
     
  4. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    955
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    What a waste of space ur BIL is !! nxt tym he calls...ask him...how r u loser !! hw cn such ppl even exist !!:rant
     
    3 people like this.
  5. JustLikeYou

    JustLikeYou Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    263
    Likes Received:
    286
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP,

    Next time when you are on the conf call with FIL, BIL, ask your FIL how his little loser is doing, then dont wait for any response and walk away.....this is only if you want a true revenge. If your husband reacts ask him how was it any different from being his child named called.

    There is no way your husband will realize the rudeness from his own family towards his child even if you explain. so you can give back if you feel like it...

    I dont know how your child is, no matter how old is he/she stand up for him, infront and behind him, so that he gets a sense of empowerment.
     
    7 people like this.
  6. BiriyaniAroma

    BiriyaniAroma Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    94
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Male
    Confusedwoman, Why doesn't your husband get upset when his brother calls your son as, 'autism' ? Are you sure, your husband is not upset even a bit , by his brother's insensitive comments ?
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. confusedwoman

    confusedwoman Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    115
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Well I couldnt make out any reaction in his face!
     
  8. Twinkel

    Twinkel Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,400
    Likes Received:
    2,917
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Unacceptable. Forget about ur dh being able to stand for you or your child, it's your turn to stand up for your child. Show your bil his right place. He doesn't deserve to be roaming free. There are asylums for people like your bil. Duhh
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. shobhamumbaikar

    shobhamumbaikar Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    288
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    You do not need to develop patience here dear. In my opinion you need to speak. At least you will have satisfaction that you have stood up against what is wrong.

    had a similar experience. As my pils created unthinkably tensed atmosphere at home during my pregnancy, and that affected my son directly (according to doc), he went a lil late in achieving his milestones in his initial months and was very thin at birth(as i didn't get proper food because of myriads of issues related to ils). My mil in her shameless way to show that she cares for her grandson more than anyone else, once said in a very sad tone that she has prayed to God that my son should be loved by all even if he is 'ABNORMAL' and gave an example of a mentally challenged girl in our neighborhood to point out how much people love her despite her inability to talk or walk.

    My dh, to my surprise, affectionately told her not to be so sad, as that will affect her health. God will do good surely etc. I could not control myself. though i could not take the phone, i shouted in-front of it, mil must have heard it i guess, saying "what? Whom is it that Mummyji is calling ABNORMAL here? And how far fetched comparison is this? They are never in line of comparison anywhere!!!! Besides abnormal is a derogatory term to use for any one" My dh could not say anything to his mom for sure. But he did understand the comparison was wrong. At least this is my satisfaction.
     
  10. shobhamumbaikar

    shobhamumbaikar Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    201
    Likes Received:
    288
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    You do not need to develop patience here dear. In my opinion you need to speak.

    had a similar experience. As my pils created unthinkably tensed atmosphere at home during my pregnancy, and that affected my son in directly (according to doc), he went a lil late in achieving his milestones in his initial months and was very thin at birth(as i didn't get proper food because of myriads of issues related to ils). My mil in her shameless way to show that she cares for her grandson more than anyone else, once said in a very sad tone that she has prayed to God that my son should be loved by all even if he is 'ABNORMAL' and gave an example of a mentally challenged girl in our neighborhood to point out how much people love her despite her inability to talk or walk.
    My dh, to my surprise, affectionately told her not to be so sad, as that will affect her health. God will do good surely etc. I could not control myself. though i could not take the phone, i shouted in-front of it, mil must have heard it i guess, saying "what? Whom is it that Mummyji is calling ABNORMAL here? And how far fetched comparison is this? They are never in line of comparison anywhere!!!! My dh could not say anything to his mom for sure. But he did understand the comparison was wrong. At least this is my satisfaction.
     

Share This Page