Please Help Me...my Patience Has Crossed Its Limits

Why do they abuse you? What are their expectations from you? what is the basis of their arguments?

I did not read your previous posts but I think you are pregnant and calling them for delivery..if thats the case, then just sit down and don't do any work....tell them you have a lot of muscle pains and pressure, you just sit in front of TV, relax, get up, cut fruits, eat,...keep them outside offer themselves to take....tell your DH you need help in delivery but don't need stress....

There is a better way to handle such vocal in laws, give them silent treatment..shut your room door, and switch on music..and relax, come out when you are hungry/need to cook for yourself....or do any work that you want to do...else go out and enjoy the mall...tell them you need to go to your friends place...let them get bored here.....silent treatment should convey that you dont need them here, they are not welcome here....if they are cheap enough not to get hints (like my in laws) then, increase the intensity of silent treatment..stay in your room..spend time with your kid...dont show you can take care of kitchen...just do your work, enough to get your by, then keep the stress out by staying away from them...if they start serious abuse, then tell your DH that you will call cops..tell you rin laws on face that you will call cops if they tortured a pregnant woman...

 

Dear OP,

Congratulations for your second baby...

I understand how it feels when they abuse your parents.... because I have gone through this.... Blood boils.. I mean it...

When they talk about your parents... raise your voice , look at their eyes firmly and tell them PLEASE DO NOT TALK ABOUT MY PARENTS ANYMORE and then just walk away.

Even your husband will not complaint about this statement.. as you have not abused them back.

When they abuse you,,,, do not abuse them back.... but tell them to stop doing that... if they continue, tell your husband that you cannot continue to take this behaviour...

and when they abuse you just ignore... "Wise people ignore" .... and you have to be strong.... Strong people cannot be influenced by others words,,

Stay stronger... Be wiser.....

All the best

 

What are their wishes as in what do they expect from you?

Do they just start blabbering bad stuff to you every morning they get up or there is a trigger, whats that trigger? do they expect you to cook in kitchen or do some physical labor? is it possible for you to avoid their interactions while they are here?

even having a 4 month baby means you need help in taking care of baby, while you are recovering from child birth, eat good food, and no stress, stress hormones get released in breastmilk and not good for your child if you are stressed..

 

What excuse did they give for not helping you when you asked for it. I would suggest let them come over and help you. Get them to prepare food for you or take care of your children. It would be a relief for you. Regarding bad mouthing, taunts, etc don't give them the triggers. If they have high expectations from you or keep comparing you then tell them bluntly that this is how much you can do and that they should help themselves.

 

Try to win people. Forget the past and see this as a new beginning. Even they would want to see their grandchild. If you object to their visit you will add in more negativity to your relations with them. Utilise their visit to the maximum. Take good rest, go forwalk etc.

 

Let your husband know that you will try to play host as much as a tired mom of a 4 month old an another young child can.

You plan meals and cook what you usually do in larger quantity and ask them to help themselves by cooking what is lacking. Anyway you are not winning any awards here. So try not to break your back.

Remind yourself and them ( in some nice way) that they can pitch in for cooking and make their favourite food.

One point without compromise would be to talk to your in laws about not bad mouthing you to your child. Tell that that it damages their relation with their grandchild as well as affects his happiness not to mention confuse him in unimaginable ways. Request them to keep issues away from him for his sake. Talk to them about this in advance.

Try to get the stay shortened to 1 or 2 months or send them off on trips to keep them out of your hair.

You take walks with baby or seize opportunities to be alone, collect your thoughts and prepare to deal with them diplomatically.

Above all appear happy. It will kill them. At least you have a dh who understands even if silent. Remind yourself that this is temporary. All the best.

 

When there is a young mother with two children, and she has the usual household chores foisted on her as well, additional guests at home is a stupid hassle.

If she cannot avoid this problem because this was brought on by her husband, and she needs to keep her husband a little while longer, she is pretty much stuck with no options.

Angry outbursts would exacerbate the situation, and not solve any problems. It is a fortuitous thing that she is not pregnant. So, with good pharmaceutical help, she could control her anger, and go jolly and weird. That could scare off the old people, and keep them well behaved, or at least, tolerable. Consult a doctor, and ask for prescription anti-depressants.

 

how many wives are there ?