please help me for my sister!

Thanks Aruna, Malavika, Tara and Srividya.
I am so happy to find this forum long back and get so helpful advices from all of you. I would have been able to get so much of advices from any of my friends as well. My sister is currently staying wid one of her friend, for a day or two, to think about her decision properly, as she was completely stressed out because of my BIL's attitude.

@Malavika81,
My BIL has soo much of n ego and attitude that, he feels he is the ONLY s/w engg on this earth, who is earning so much, and that HE married a divorcee. This attitude wasnt there during their courtship days, as I used to meet him very often, and he used to disucss with me, that how can he not hurt my sister on her past. But gradually after their marraige, his mother started feeding him for every small thing, as she used to call him "n" number of times, just to say you went against our wish, tum dono ko meri badhuaa lagegi, look at you and look at her, she is nothing infront of you, we could have got 1000 times better bride for you, who would have had manners etc etc -- as MILwould say his son.Instead of oposing his mother, he took everything to soo soo literal meaning that he started ill treating my sister, and taunting her for her past, and saying exactly same statements as his mother used to tell to my sister or to him. This is how, my BIL has become over confident about himself. His family stays in the remotest part of India, and so is their thinking level limited ONLY to that vicinity.

@Tara,
Thanks for the hugs and wishes. I definitely didnot want my sister to suffer this, after her first marriage. And so I was very very keen on to whom she is getting married. During her courtship days, I did tell her soemtimes, that he is very short-tempered nd its not good if you donot limit that right here itself, as that would get to your head later. But she was too busy in her studies and researched at that time, that she barely could understand this. You might say then, why she chose him? Thats where I would like to say, that he gave all fake promises to her, that he will adjust with her probs and that he will support her everywhere as and when needed. Whenever he used to tell all these things to my sister,I used warn her not to go by words, as guys do all this convince a girl. But she just could understand that difference. But now, it no point me going back to those things, coz she is married to him for the past 5 years now. I was there for her before and I will be there for now as well. And whenever she needs me. But yes from parental point of view, am more worried, because, earlier they bothh were not so aged. No my father is 60+ and mom in 50s, which makes me more susceptible to make them understand. What if either of them falls sick is not able to recover. Thats my ONLY worry about them.

@Srividya,
Have conveyed yours and everyone advices, worries and yes genuine fallback plans to her. Thats the reason she is at her friends place to keep a little calm and think over things for herself. bein handicapped would be last thing I will ever think for her in my life. I can ask her to try to get that vonage phone disconnected somehow. I can try for that, and ask her to give it a try after talking my BIL straight about his thoughts and plans related to this marriage. He is such a jerk, that his mother is after my sister to get a baby, and since 5yrs now they r not able to plan out --1. because of their personal issues 2) because there is a probability of some issue either in my sister or BIL. My sister got herself checked in India as well as US.He is not even ready to get himself diagnosed, IF there can be a problem. His mom has completely made him feel he is the GOD for my sister and GODs are PERFECT! He controlled his abuses and beatings only for ONE reason -- that is fear of getting deported, which is of his interest. He keeps a distance, and doesnt even bother if his wife is having a problem or no, let the problem be health related or household work related or related to their relation or ANYTHING. He feels he is simply too great, that talking to wife should be something like a slum person is given some food or money or clothes. His wife should pay the cost if he is talking to her for anything and that turns out to be a reply in abusive language or beating her. I want her to think through her future first and then take any deicison. I will surely be speaking to her on things today as well.
It take lot of courage to think on these lines and decided something like a separation, as on decision changes the entire life .. either for good or bad.

Thank you all once again for all the supportive responses and sugegstions, I feel little stronger now to help her out to take a right step and a decision.

Hope things go fine with her and my parents too.
Sushma

 

Thanks Shruti.

My sister is definitely thinking for a job back in india and planning to get him as well for say 15-20days to sort this out and decide further, incase if things dont work out.

But recently happened incidences are .. my sister had emailed her mother-in-law to tell to help her save her marriage so that her MIL doesnt create issues and wrote something clearly to her stating S-MILs role in the arguments and misunderstandings that has been created. But on her MILs behalf, my sister's SIL replied (who is eventually married and did not like her brother getting marrid to my sister and thinks on the same lines that of her mother). SIL blamed my sister of not accepting their family, as my sister does things for my family, where this was wrong, and both my sister and BIL spent LOADs of money on her marriage and they were bankrupt when they were in India. SIl blamed my sister for not caring and respecting BILs family, and all the same things as a typical SIL would blame. She did not even point a single mistake of her brother but kept on asking my sister if she wants to keep / save this marriage. My sister replied to her with giving details of their games.

In this all, my BIL just wrote one liner, to stop all these mails. I thought I should call my BIL and speak to him, but he never answered. So I replied to my sister's SIL, and asked my BIL to talk and clearly told him, that IF he beats her now, he will b forcing me to get him deported back to India.

All this mess was conveyed to his father who is posted at some xyz location in India. When S-FIL called my BIL a day back, my BIL told his father to relax and nothing will happen kind of answer.

He is not beating my sister, but at the same time, just bothered about his OWN job, meals, entertainment etc. He simply asks her if she wants to eat or if she has had her dinner / lunch. He did get scared by 911 and is doing all this, but there is no change in HE DISCUSSING ISSUES WITH MY SISTER!

By all this, it just seemed to me that, those people are simply thinking something major to hit back to us OR they are simply not bothered to communicate and sort out these issues as their son is with them. Its silly to think about what they are planning as we would come to know only when they do. But it would impact badly.

Please let me know your suggestions / views, if I am thinking too much?
Sushma