please help me for my sister!

My 2 cents- God Helps Those Who Help Themselves! Ask your sister to understand this fact! If she is a woman of self-respect, she must try to come out of this situation, atleast dial 911!

 

This is not a reply to me but pls can I take this liberty to post in response to what you posted here?

Please, Please ,Please read the bold part and think for yourself.
No matter what!! He accuses and BEATS her then why not take help from police??

SO WHAT?? If he is deported or jailed or whatever. Why should she protect him any more?? Do not think furthur on the laws of US or anyplace. You should not be worrying on that front. They will give him whatever he deserves and he needs that for ill-treating a woman...his WIFE!!

Why are you being scared of society back in India at your city/town?? Are they helping her any bit here??.......NO!!!
Then what right have they got to interfere in her life or your life??

Please think rationally. She has this one life. She is well-educated woman and she can be an independent, proud woman who can take care of herself. You say with her line of education she is finding it difficult for a job here. Then how about she apply and try for jobs back in India, she move back and start her life there.
She does not need to sit here waiting for her husband to give her permission for this because he is not worth all that, anyways.
Let her not spoil her future and her life here. What is the point in living with such an abusive man?? She is already emotionally and physically hurt to the core. Advising her to be passive is only enabling him.


I wish her good luck and please DO NOT bother society......that is the whole issue when it comes to our people. Give a damn to society and see how your sister will be a new person who will be proud of her life.

Good luck!!
Tara

 

The truth is if your sister wanted to leave that man then that man would become second husband for any other women if he get married. She should tell him that truth strongly.
She seriously should tell him that she would call 911 next times if he abuses her. Here your sister not going to loosing anything. Even she has to go back to India, it’s good for her. She can find job and can live on her own legs.
Typically lot of MIL's in the era of their generation where women can take abuse and still live with the men. They don't know how this generation can react. I think your sister should politely tell her husband that, she could go to India and give complaint in women cell on her MIL too.
Is there any way some one can spoil the Vonage phone in India? I know this Vonage really kills lot of families. Does her husband had any siblings?

 

Dear Sushma,
No your sister will not be deported to India. She will be helped with her Visa if she wants and will get asylum here. She will be helped with a job and housing.
She is in much better position than most girls these people help with.

Although the no I gave you was for IL...she can ask them for the MA support line...They help you through your fears,embarrassment and help you stand on your feet.

Your sister is in a typical CYCLE OF VIOLENCE....google it and you will know.

Tell her she is not alone and if she leaves him then only he will improve if any...
Good Luck.

 

Sushma

My take on this would be...

You can clearly see why his parents are damn upset or unsatisfied, first of all its their sons first marriage (and he is marrying a woman who is a divorcee) beleive me no matter how much ever our country advances in technology...some of these elders would never change. If the regular people themselves have so many issues with inlaws..no wonder your sister is being treated this way by her second inlaws..

Coming to trapping their son etc..these dialogues are very common ones I guess. Even for the first marriage such dialogues would be there..so ignore those on who trapped on whom.

Coming to your sister, whether she is a Bpharm or Mpharm, if she cant get a job in her subject side ask her to change her line of job or work. She has to standup on her feet and earn and have that individuality. If she cant earn here, let her go back to India and do the same. might be away from parents or her present inlaws. Why I am stressing on job and money is, she has to be able to support herself to get that confidence to TAKE ANY DECISION. Unless a woman accepts that she can live all by herself with no one supporting her, she wont take any action (either calling 911 or warning husband or even taking extreme step of threatening him to leave)by the way these things were supposed to happen ..but didnt till now in her marriage..as I said..she wants to keep up this second marraige of hers for the sake of society or parents or what so ever. that stigma of second divorce is making her gulp all these abuses silently.

If her husband was silent when your sisters friend spoke all this to him, Good thing...TELL your sister to get the vonage phone disconnected. Let them call from theri cell or give a missed call to their son and let the son call them back. or something that way...VONAGE phone has to be disconnected immediately (there are lots of nonsense things this facility brought into lot of families I know..) when we know the problem lets cut it out..i.e the vonage phone.

I understand parents wanting to be around the son and his family as theyw ere away all these years..but if they make sons life hell and his family a big mess...how can such parents be even allowed to come near to the son???

Your sister should start talking back ENOUGH of her accepting things because this is her second marriage.

Cut out the vonage phone
Ask her husband to join her for marital counselling
She has to HAS TO...start working in a paying job..not the free univ. job. If she cant find a paying job here ask her to join some classes and switch the line of work. Its very important for her.
GIVE A STRONG warning to her husband that he has to change and do the above, if not she wouldnt think twice to take any action ..and this would be the last warning.

Tell your sister to STOP acting like a victim. No one would come to her rescue all the time. even her friend too..after sometime everyone would be vexed up as your sister wont take any action ..to see the change..be the change..tell her this..and ask her to make changes in her behaviour.

Standing up for our own selves works wonders..YES. the moment he started abusing her if she had said NO...things wouldnt have come this far. He would have been very careful and corrected his behaviour. But she thought she has to bend down as this is her second marriage..he is utilizing her weakness for his devilish satisfaction.

Time for her to buckle up and speak out! If not she would anyways be divorced eventually and this time its going to hurt more as she had been taking all the abuse silently to save the marriage and it didnt work...at that time she would feel more remorseful..So better late than never...ask her to STANDUP

 

What is this crap of trapping one another...no one is a kid here..everyone knows what they are doing. So as I said STOP this blame game. both fo them are adults and know what they were getting into..So enough of this trapping blame game.

If your sister calls 911, he would be arrested, then charged with Domestic violence case, where he has to take some anger management classes, community service and will be in probation..during probation time he cannot go out of the country if he leaves the country during that time, he cannot come back to US anytime in future as its like fleaing away.

After completing this punishment time, anytime the govt can deport him..they wont say, when,how, on what clauses etc...anytime ...but I have seen lot of men who were arrested on DV cases being in US, they got their GC and also citizenship..ofcourse its going to be a bit tough as there would be extra security checks.

So if she is on work visa, nothing would affect her she can moveout and live on her own..but if she is on dependant visa, what if he revokes the visa/files for divorce , she has to leave the country.

Sushma
I see that both of you and your sis have lot of stigma about 911, divorces etc...one thing I can tell you girls is...talking about self-respect is different than actually standing up for it...all talks no action leads to disasters.

 

Sushma , listen to all the ladies above and tell your sister to stand up for herself. Just forget about the society and be there for your sister. You and your parents should support her and tell her no matter what she decides ,you all are there for her. Just bring her out from all the hell that is going.