PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marriage

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

SandyKapoor,

A relationship will be healthy only when you both think about the present and future together.. Not about each other's past. thinking about it you will lose the precious moment in front of you.

Just think for a second: You loved her so much that you feel you are blessed to have such a good wife. And you both were having good time. People make mistakes and I agree she should have been forthcoming about her affair earlier, but due to pressure from her family or whatever reason, she did not. But she is truthful for all these months she been married to you right? What is that you were missing in this marriage till now? Nothing right?

So, why now dwell on the past and spoil your beautiful relationship that you can both build together? If you love your wife so much as you had stated then you should be able to forgive and forget. I know it will be hard, but think about all the positive, good things about your wife. Not everyone in this world is perfect.

Just because some boyfriends sends some message to spoil your marriage over jealously that she did not choose him but you, don't fall for that pit and spoil it yourself. Be a gentleman and do the right thing.

Dont try to torture her and then indirectly torture urself and spoil a good life that you can lead. Movies, serials are NOT LIFE. God has given you both ONLY ONE LIFE and dont waste it like this.

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

I've been reading and felt compelled to post something here.

Leave the past in the past and live for the present, the present is a gift to you.

Seems to me tht you and your wife had a good life together before this. Let sleeping dogs lie.

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Hello

It can be heart wrenching to go through your situation. Your feelings of anger , betrayal and confusion are all justified and natural. Dont try to suppress them, live through them. Because any grievances suppressed in close relationship is worse than fitghing over it.

I personally think you need some time off alone. Dont fight with your wife and use harsh words. Just ask for some time. Tell her to go to her parents place. So that you can think clearly and arrive at some decision. Dont make things easy for people especially when they have done such a grave mistake of lying about such thing. No one needs to be saint in this world. Being normal is what keeps sanity for lifelong. So live though your pain, agony and anger. And think clearly after all this where do you want to take your life. You dont have to take a decision in one day , one week or one month. Take your own time. For such wounds takes long time to heal. Your wife also need to feel the pinch of lying so profusely. It just should nt be made piece of cake. Else she will not feel the necessity of avoiding such a big thing in future too.

If you dont take time to heal your own wounds, your frsutration will erupt at points you cannt even think of.

Ria

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Hello Sandy

I totally agree with Ria.

Bye

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Hi sandy,

i also totally agree with Ria.


Cheers,

Priya.

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

HI Sandy,

It sure must feel like betrayal that she lied, and I agree with Ria that you should think about it and undergo the agony ...Not because she had a past, we all have our pasts, but the fact that even when you asked her the question directly she lied.

It takes time to heal wounds of mistrust but from what you have written here it seems that

• She has severed all ties with him before marriage
• You say she fulfilled her duties well
• She still aches for your forgiveness
• She repents!

Some positive points to ponder over while you weigh one lie against all the good times you've had

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Hi sandhyakapoor,
I know its hard to forget the fast. But there is no other way because life has to moveon, as it is not a single day. Just think wholeheartedly about your wife, do you really feel that she is bad?
Doyou think having a relationship is totally bad??
Not at all, she is dedicated to you after marriage. But before marriage, its her life.
Few things in life are quite common like first love,first kiss etc.
I know its natural to expect everything from our respectives but all the times its not possible.
Do some meditation, your concentration will be increased.
Be positive towards her, dont torture her.
She is admitting right, tht she has done some mistake.
If possible, call him adn explain that not to interfere in your life infront of your wife.
Comeback to your normal life which you lived for 1.6 years.
Then you see lot of happiness and yoru wife will love you throughout her life.

Compromising with life is art of living.I hope you will take good decision and approach your life.
All the best.

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Dear Sandy,

I can feel your pain,been there seen that.Trust me it is the worst form of torture to endure in a married life.
But i completely agree with Ria's advice.

Vent it out completely,dont hold anything inside.What ever you are feeling is v v natural and any person in your place would feel the same.Dont feel guilty about what and how you feel.

It is v easy to say that past is past and it is only the present and future that matters (ladies i am not criticizing anybodys advice here,pls forgive me if i have offended any of you).But i know that it never happens like that.Our entire life is based on past,even today becomes tommorrows past.

It takes a lot of time and lot of will power to continue in such a relationship in a positive way and with positive energy.
Pls identify if you have that will power and pls dont compromise for the sake of society or anything else.If you cant forgive her and in your heart of hearts if the same things keep replaying then there is no meaning in living a life like that.But to come to this conclusion you need to take your time.Dont jump into any decisions.

I also feel you need time away from your spouse.That really helps.
Pls come back here if you need any help and even if you want to share your feelings.I know just one advice wont change things,right now your mind is so disturbed that you wont be thinking straight.
Take care and pls come back.

And one more important thing,pls dont ever think of harming yourself.The person who has sinned has already enjoyed and even in your absence their life will go on but it will always be the innocent who has not enjoyed and who truely deserves a life that ends up paying a price,pls dont even think on those lines.

suji

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Hey Suji

I totally adore your reply here. What a wisdom and deep thought. I could feel real life experience speaking through it. I know how empty "forgive and forget" becomes when someone has to bear it themselves. Its very easy to say and almost nervebreaking experience to live through.

I hope the person in questions gets some good pointers to go ahead in his life. I dont think any one can decide wether he should keep this marriage or break this. Because no body can take life long decisions for anybody. The best judge for it is the person who has to bear the life going forward.

Ria