please help.. dont know what to do..

This is not a combo of working wife and stay at home husband. This is indeed a combo of a responsible working wife and a irresponsible not-so-working husband. The problem is not his working part, but his responsible part.

Since there are a lot of financial issues going on, and the OP seems restricting more of her luxuries in order to bring balance to her family, it is not fair on her husband's side to be irresponsible like this.

It is not a decent question to ask a full term mom as to why did you become pregnant. It is her choice or by accident. At this stage, it would be great if she could prepare her self to welcome this new born instead of worrying about the whats and ifs.

OP, some people are wired this way only. My husband was one like him.

Initially my husband wanted everything at home as per his way, but he spent really nothing to make things work. He enjoyed everything from my hard earned money. Whenever I stopped giving him money for the luxuries that he wants at home, he would project a long face or give me silent treatment. Like you, I too ensured that my debit card is with him, and he is free to buy what he thinks best for us without hurting his fragile male ego.
Then I would compromise on my own luxuries to bring the balance at home.

Sadly this strategy did not work well for both of us. After a certain period of time, I got fed-up and moved on.

That was the time, when I was pregnant with my second one. My H as usual had a lot of dreams about the baby's arrival, the things to be purchased, the 31st day ceremony and all without any plans of spending for them.

That was the same time, I was completely stuck with our new house construction, and all the works related to the house warming pheromone. So, I said a big NO to all his plans about baby's arrival.
I rather tried to make it very simple to balance it.
He did not like it, so had an argument with me. To which, I told him that I wouldn't mind any luxuries, rather I would only enjoy it, but I have no capacity for that. I indirectly told him that if he wants anything as per his way, then he needs to earn them.

That was it. He learnt his lessons.

During my last trimester only he started having a decent work. After seeing his dedication, I too financially helped him to start his own business. It felt awesome to see his gold gifts and party plannings to my little daughter.

From that point on wards, it is my H who spend for all of our luxuries at home. He sweats a lot for this. I really appreciate him for this, and it gives me a lot of happiness.

 

OP, I have no solutions for you so I cannot offer consolation to you through my post. After reading your post, I am just wondering about the irony of life. You have a lot of those things that many of us do not - a caring husband who respects his wife's parents and also loves his wife, but one who does not earn. While many of us have husbands who earn but will either not respect our parents or not love us. It's indeed sad if women can't have both because both are important.

It's been six years, so I can imagine how you must be feeling with your husband's careless hedonistic lifestyle. You would have to think of some out-of-the-box solution. I don't think conventional solutions would work.

Good luck.

 

If there are loans to pay,expense is more than earnings then men also think that way.

 

Such is life. Sigh !!!