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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Mar 22, 2021.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear all,

    I know that I made a big havoc when I created a thread about Black magic a few years back. It was my mistake that I did not spell what I meant in my thread earlier. Later it got diverted and the original subject matter remained unresolved.

    I, being a modern Christian do not believe in BM or its effect. None in my family or friends circle believe in it either. But we all know, there are people who perform BM and have the evil intention of destructing someone else using this power. Not sure whether they could do what they wanted with the evil, but at least there are intentions, and wrong doers in the name of evil priests in our society.
    A lot of money go to the wrong hands as so many people believe in them.
    On the other hand, there are people/cheaters in every religion who claim to have super power to cut evil energy. Some appear genuine and doing it for free, no one knows how true their super power is, and how it works.

    I know, nothing of this kind is scientifically proven, but for science God and faith is only a superstition. Some say, just as holy energy, there are evil energies too. Nevertheless, I, being a self made person always believes none of these good or bad energies impact me unless I let them take over my life. But I also know, not everyone is like me. There are enormous weak souls, uneducated fellows who lose their life in the course of BM in many developing countries.

    Having said that, my MIL is someone who sincerely believes in BM and does that to destroy others with the help of a priest living in her home town. She spends a lot of money for BM matters, either to destruct others or to self guard herself/family from other's evil motives.
    Not sure how she is connected to this. In fact, she doesn't reveal the fact that she is into this. But her mysterious way of working would tell you what she is upto.

    Unfortunately everyone in her family believes she does what suits them. They believe her poojas, visits to pandit and doing all kinds of parikarams in relation to BM is normal, and that's what keeps them alive.
    Although they don't accept that she can be evil by doing BM against others, they still think it is OK to do so as long as the other person is bad. Because according to them, everyone does this. If MIL doesn't act, they will do BM to harm her family. So, as a cycle it gets repeated and it is heart breaking to know this family believes in this despite of their education and qualifications.

    Also Read: AP Black Magic Horror: Father Realizes Daughters Are Killed, Mother Still In A State Of Trance

    I had problems with my PILs since marriage. Hope many of you know my tale with them in the past decade. It was horrible beyond everyone's imagination.
    One single eg: MIL forced me to drink a special drink daily when I carried my first baby, which I suspected and refused. But once in a while, due to her force and my H's compulsion I had to give in and drink that. Later, I got to know she mixed some herbals to abort my first child. After 7th month, my pregnancy became high risk, but God's grace delivered a healthy child who is 10 years old now.
    This is just one incident out of many many similar life threatening ones with her. The issue is, my H believes in her, and thinks she must be right even if that means killing his own child.
    Those days, he defended that child was a curse to our family; hence she would have done that. Now a days he defends her, it was her mistake due to her poor literacy and awareness. Whatever it is, he trusts his mom is genuine, but despite of her actions I can't say she is genuine in any ways.

    2 years back, I caught them red handed when they did BM against us. They appeared in our CCTV image during one odd night around 2 am. That too, they dug inside our compound and put something inside secretly without telling us.
    Later we found out they spend Rs 75000 to get some evil stuff from the North & the guy who supported them to get these evil stuff revealed everything to us without knowing they were related to us.
    After that, we bought a catholic priest (who came from India) and he claimed there was evil power and he removed it.
    Although everything happened was like a movie, I witnessed all and reacted this time boldly.

    Again I repeat, I do not believe in BM. But I doubt their genuineness here. I caught them red handed doing something against us at our place without our knowledge. I know that they could do to any extreme to harm us.
    Since then, I gave my H an ultimatum. Either cut ties with them completely and live with us or go live with them and leave us in peace. He chose the former and with us since then.

    But he regrets his decisions all the time, and that kinda makes me feel guilt. Sometimes, my brother says, why would I react this harsh when I don't believe on BM. But for me, a person who attempted to kill and harm her own child and family (through whatever ways), should remain as our enemy only. We can never trust her, and she can even poison us or harm us through other means. Who knows.
    As a working mom who seldom spend time at home, I had my reservations too.

    Nevertheless, last month I revisited my decision and sat with my H to come up with a new one. We decided to invite PILs here and re-start everything from the scratch.
    In fact, I posted a thread in IL and our lites suggested the same too.
    We have already invited BILs family and FIL once came here as well.

    Yesterday, my H made a weird sound from our upstairs at night. When I rushed there, he seemed shaking with fear and was unable to speak but started running towards the corner as if I was a ghost trying to kill him.
    I have never seen my H was this fragile or weak in life before. He was never emotionally strong in the past, but very strong physically and fearless. He is a 40 year old handsome man with 6 packs, so his actions seemed confusing.

    I calmed him down that night, and later the next day we sat together and he opened up.
    He said, he was told by one of his trusted priest from somewhere that some BM was done against him and it was his parents, and he brought that priest to remove it when I & kids were away last week.
    But since that incident, he was living in denial, and in disbelief that his parents could do something as such against him.
    He fears the effect and in confusion. So that night, all of a sudden when some sound came he reacted that way. Poor him :(

    So, I helped him figure out certain things and repeatedly told him what I felt about his parents and what I knew.
    We later removed the stuff that were presented by his folks, including some idols and yantrams, threads which every Hindu follower has, but in a way they seemed odd with weird pictures in it.
    He has been asked to do certain poojas which normal Hindu families don't do. Certain practices like praying during middle of the night, having red threads for oil lamps etc...
    Bear with my poor knowledge of Hinduism, but I see the practices were different from what my Hindu friends do.

    Since that revealing my H seems afraid, and he agrees with me that he won't mingle with PILs hereafter. He attributes all his failures, the marital issues, family problems etc.. are because of this, but still unable to accept his mom could do this to him.

    He wants me to help, but I don't know how without getting angry on him.... I know he needs support, but all these sound rubbish to me.

    How can I start helping him.... psychologically, building him up and saving him in any case BM is there....

    I am already busy with 2 jobs, (one full time and one business) and kids, older mom, health issues etc... with limited to zero support from H (he is not employed). Now that, this became another headache. Plz help
     
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  2. winterhue

    winterhue Gold IL'ite

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    SGBV,

    Let me start by saying that I too don't believe in BM. But I do believe that if a person is constantly surrounded by negative energy, it affects their happiness. It is a good sign that your husband has opened up to you and is freely sharing his insecurities about his parents with you. This is itself is a major step.

    First, try to understand what is going on in his mind. Imagine the shock of realizing that the parents who gave birth to him and he loves and defended so dearly have even the thought of harming him and his family. Leave the part whether it is BM or not, think about the INTENTION. I think it must have completely messed up your husband's psyche.

    Second, as his partner and wife - you need to be there for him, but understand that there is a good chance that after a couple of years (based on his previous behavior), your husband will go back to blaming illiteracy and ignorance and defend his parents. Completely expect this to happen.

    Now that we have established the two ground facts, what can you do to help your husband right now ? As always, my advice is to engage with a professional. He needs therapy. Look for a good marriage counsellor in your area. Encourage him that just like he exercises and maintains his 6 packs,he needs to take care of his mental 6 packs too and therapy is the only way to do it. When he talks to someone openly, it will open the door to his own feelings and it will help him heal. In the meantime, you try not to dwell on "I told you so" and genuinely help him come out of it. If you dont address this now, it may become a long term mental issue.

    I am not really sure if you should confront your PILs. It may be a sticky path since you already cut off contact, BUT they need to understand that you have called their bluff and that you will not stand for anything that affects your family. I dont know how to achieve that - maybe other members can help you on this point.
    I hope you remain strong. Hugs. I can understand how difficult it is for you too. Take care
     
    drdiva and KashmirFlower like this.
  3. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    No solutions but I am writing to say that I understand you.
    People can try to BM, and whether we believe in BM or not- one thing is for sure- that their intentions are evil.
    You are also correct in categorizing these people as enemies.

    Please do not give second, third chances to any of these people- be it siblings, PILs, friends or coworkers. Our first priority is to safeguard ourselves and our immediate family and then our financial well being etc
    First responsibility is towards ourselves..our kids etc- in your case more so- because you only provide.

    E.g. one woman followed my husband home (figuratively speaking) from a PTA meeting. She acted like best friend to me- weirdly brought so much of cheap chocolate- to get into house- her intentions were not good- so I cut her off- this example is not great but just to explain that you have to protect yourself first and with slightest of bad vibe- it is okay to cut off. It is difficult with PIL but they have given you enough reasons and now husband is also accepting

    So now on- don't entertain any PIL stuff. We as women have big instinct, and there are way too much of horrible stuff happening in world- just that the perpetrator or victim is not IL member. If they are also, they won't write- which is okay- because everything has limits- ILs limit is as such

    I would recommend that you enroll your husband in counseling- individual- not marriage. Your marriage is fine.
    Get him into some regular club etc where he meets people.
    Dormant genes can show up under stress (epigenetics)- people can have all sorts of mental issue under stress.
    Don't rule out BM and do not rule out stress related breakdown in husband.

    You need one other trusted adult in your life- in case you have to takecare of husband and mother- who will that be- brother, SIL, someone?

    TC
     
  4. lavani

    lavani Finest Post Winner

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    he needs therapy. period. someone who is good in CBT - cognitive behavior therapy or clinical psychologist for any evaluation and then anxiety medication, if any.

    i assume he is in late 30s or early 40s . this is not the age to have more drama with PIL or anything. life should be made simple and peaceful, even if it is less financially rewarding.
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks everyone. I understand your points about taking my H to therapy.
    I doubt whether it is easy or not. But definitely i should give it a try.

    Poor guy... In fact, I shouted at him, brought up all the past drama upon hearing BM story once again.
    I clearly told him to cut ties, not because I & kids are affected, but because of his mental health & sanity.
    Leave alone BM.. The more he interacts with them, the more he suffers bad luck, disappointment and marital issues. This is evident, not because of BM. But they brain wash him so much that he convincingly chooses the wrong path.
    Eg: I made him clear a special United Nations examination which wasn't easy otherwise. So much efforts were put on clearing the exam & practical works in the past year.
    I was hopeful that he gets a job as he desires after all. We were even calculating the financial benefits & hoping to relieve from EMIs sooner.
    Then one fine day he was guilt of not interacting with his FOO & made me feel guilt about that by saying their age & health issues. The softer self in me made the wrong decision by allowing him to travel with his dad for a full day to their native place.
    The next day he had different plans about the job. He seemed uninterested & communicated to the selection committee about his nonavailability before even they offer him the post.
    That too, behind my back.
    Later, he convinced me by saying his discomfort & fear about accepting the job. He highly suspected it as a trap & I could not convince him after that.
    I knew it was his dad who changed his mind. But this time i am more angry on his than on his dad.

    Knowing our family's financial needs & the job market well, how come this man brush off such an exciting offer? That too, when he's been jobless for a long time & suffering the side effects of having no financial independence since then.

    Now that, I understand the 'connection' he has with his folks. It is something fishy and i definitely worry about this now.

    I should have been more patient with him, as it seems he is clearly in pain & shock. He sees nothing, hears nothing, but vaguely remember bits & pieces of what we went through.

    I am a believer in God. I chose to leave everything on to God hereafter.

    As someone said, I doubt whether my H realises this problem & the intention of his parents at least now. If not, what is the point of worrying?
     
  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:DH belief in their parents gone from strength to strength in your long absences with UNO assignments and he seemingly enjoyed and enjoying too much comfort zone in presence of his parents , he prefers to remain filled with sloth and hence he turned an easy person to be manipulated by his parents.

    It looks he lend himself to be a Guinea pig so that his parents think he would and should not desert them .

    His strong belief that action of his mother with her BM is for betterment of family none can help.

    Besides Almighty’s intervention, counselling by senior psychoanalyst can give a try provided DH is amenable to such manoeuvre .

    Thanks and Regards.

    God Bless.
     
    SGBV likes this.
  7. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP,

    Sorry if my post sounds rude and blunt. I have read most of your post and remember many details about SGBV user ID. If whatever you have written in OP is true, it sounds like your husband is using the BM to hide his inability to provide a proper financial support to you. Looks like he had made up his mind to stay like way and blame his FOO and BM.

    If I were in your place, I won't believe this drama. I would start thinking whether this man was also behind the BM performance drama along with his parents. Sounds fishy.

    Counselling would be a better option, not for BM, to develop confidence for finding a Job.
     
  8. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    Don't rely on him to run the family. You be the bread winner and take all decision solely.
     
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: This I write only to emphasise the foolishness that was prevailing in India some sixty years ago . In parts of rural side in Deep South India & Kerala, BM practised and it is so cruel that they even attempt eliminating persons . I have narrated one such incident in a thread
    Skull, Bull & Sorcerer

    With more and more development in rural areas poor and there wards are getting educated with more schools opened with attractions like mid day meal scheme etc. lack of education was one of the the root causes for such BM practices.
     
  10. harini1

    harini1 New IL'ite

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