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Please guide me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by deepshikha, Oct 17, 2007.

  1. deepshikha

    deepshikha Senior IL'ite

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    Hi friends
    I live with my husband in US and am soon planning a visit to India. I have a younger sister for whom i want to get some gifts. But my husband does not seem to wish to spend anything on gifts for my family. Our budget is not much but i still want to buy some presents for my parents and sister. I am not working as i am on H4 visa so i don't have any money of my own. Is it wrong if i spend my husbands earnings to get gifts for my family. I don't have the courage to ask him to buy me things as it makes me feel guilty. I don't say anything when he sends money to his mother but he makes me feel guilty if i want to buy things for my family. This makes me sad, since i used to earn well in India and spend as i liked. I cannot work here and its depressing. Please help me.
     
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  2. Mallika29

    Mallika29 New IL'ite

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    Hi deepshika,


    I don't think you should feel guilty to get gifts for your mom or sis . You're his life partner and you've got equal right . Just tell your husband softly when he's in a relaxed mood and i don't think you'd have problem. Sometimes you've to ask and only then u'll get .Don't hesitate for such things . Be happy and look forward for ur India trip. Happy vacation.

    Luv,
    Mallika
     
  3. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    There is nothing wrong in wantig to present your family.
    You can do some part time jobs to earn some money of ur own. Like you can do babysit or you can provide some elder care during ur daytime.
    I had a white frend here in bay area. SHe was elderly lady and she wanted some girl to help her for 2-3 hours in daytime..
    You can find something like that work for sometime.
    you can even find some online tuitions here.. There is host of ways to make money some 4-500 $ shudnt be tough to make.
     
  4. deepshikha

    deepshikha Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you Mallika and Ria for your replies. I would try to face my husband with this question. Ria as you mentioned about earning a little of my own money, i am eager to do that. Do you have any idea where i should look for online tutoring ? I am on H4 visa here so can i take up online jobs?
    Thanks for your replies girls, it gives much strength and hope.
     
  5. Kavta

    Kavta Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Deepshika
    Keep going through some classifieds, news papers ..HIT google and you get lots of classifieds. This link is something I googled for you.... Teachers.Net - TEACHER CLASSIFIED ADS: TUTORS WANTED - Read and post free teacher classified ads, including ads for teacher books, manipulatives, educational games, computer educational software, school computers and computer hardware, classroom pres . You said you feel guilty to ask him fr buying something fr ur parents. Then When you start earning will he not interfere in ur earnings??? If you think so,, then it is wrong, husbands will surely have control over wives earnings. Then why not we , Wives?? Do you know onething?! If you feel guilty now to ask his money fr spending on ur parents gifts then SURELY you will have same feeling to buy something without his permission fr ur parents in future while you earn . Its all in Attitude. Anyways instead of sitting Idle its good to work and earn having lill more independence to spend.Wishing you all the best and Happy Journey.
    TakeCare.
     
  6. rekhas

    rekhas Senior IL'ite

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    Deepa,

    You are life partners. I agree with other ILs. Be confident and as the other IL said it is all in the attitude.
     
  7. gisjul

    gisjul Senior IL'ite

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    HI Dear,
    Your hubby may continue giving money to his mother and nothing for you unless you put your foot down and may beslowly ask him. you have your whole future in front of you . You can let it go like this, I know when youmust be thinking about your future you must be going mad.. so you need to start improving your present first inorder to attain a good future .. it will be a slow procees u need to be patient ur hubby will not change in one days time ,, but he will also realise your importance if you try to sit and explain him .. Communicate and express your thoughts with him slowly not at one go.
    giselle
     
  8. priyauc

    priyauc Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,
    i agree with the oher ils. You need to put your foot down. If i were you i would teel him honestly the way i feel, and make him realise that you have ties before you married him and you cannot help but feel like buying gifts for them, just the way he does for his family. But if he still doesnt seem eager, dont beg him, earn your own money and buy gifts with your money. And keep your own money. Honestly there shouldnt be seperate money between husband n wife but if circumstances force you then there is no option.
     
  9. CharuKaur

    CharuKaur Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Deepshikha

    mostly all ladies on H4 have this trouble of financial independence.
    why dont you ask your husband to put a fixed amount in your account every month - say some 300-500$. this would not only give you confidence and support but you could also feel less conscious while spending money for your own family. Afterall, whatever you were/would be earning back in India would also belong to both of you and not you alone!

    Good luck
    Charu..
     

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