Please Guide..im Confused.

kenny · Feb 3, 2026

Hi all,
I have been writing here time and again..but past 1 year somehow i was really struggling with the mess thinking things would get better and trying to balance.
Here is the link to my earlier post for your reference.
I Want To Be At Peace And Be Happy ,but How?.
the thing is that because of old age i shifted my parents closer to my place but married life has become a nuisance.Husband and mil are streching the matter far beyond as if my parents are finacially dependant on them.
they keep finding faults at me ..saying i lie,,i sit at their home most of the time etc...though none of this is true.i have been managing my time in a balanced way as i am a working woman.
now my husband got a job in some other and has to travel on monday and comes back every thursday.mil gets good opportunity to poison him over the phone and as a result he has become super duper negative for me.
i kind of managed to sort out things and husband also became little better until last month.
now it was my parents 50th wedding anniversary so we had planned a functiion with close family and friends in the home town since all our life they lived there.
ever since we planned i had been telling my husband and mil that it will be nice if they can join(though they have never spoken to them since then time they have shifted in my neighbourhood)
to this my husband very clearly said that trhey will never go there.
now my brother also came from abroad .So my bro and bhabi went personally to talk to them and invite them,though he had been calling them since 1 month but they never attended the calls or relied to whatsapp.they have kind of completely abandoned my family.So when he was coming my husband said is he just coming to meet or will talk too..he said he talk if you want to..
now these people were prepared and said all non sence and negativity aboit my famuly and me..so there was a heated argument ...my bro in the end said i will not tolerate if there are any security issues with my sis.,i told him to leave ..to stop ..
.now my husb got v wild and started sleeping in my mils room...saying that you have to give it to me in written that there are no security issues else i will sleep there only..
i said i will not write anything...days went by and then he somehow mentally presurised me to call my brother to say sorry else he will divorce me...i had no option but to do that since all elders suggested that..because we had to leave for their function 2 days later and i didnt want drama at this point of time..
it was so much of mental torture in that tike for me i cant tell you..
So he said sorry and went away..and again i never asked them to join us sicne so much of negative stuff happned..
Now we enjoyed in the function and came back and they were sitting with swollen faces and now he says that had he n=bveen in my place he would have never gone without his family.he said u never considered me family and this and that...he said now i am here only for daughter..i have nothing with yiu..and flew the next day for travel.I REQUESTED SO MANY TIMES FOR HIM TO COME BUT HE CLEARLY SAID NEITHER THEY WILL JIN THE FUNCTION NOR MY FAMILY WOULD ENTER THEIR HOUSE.,AND NOW HE SAYS THIS..
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...
I dont want to divorce but what is going on is not acceptable..he only talks to his mom when he comes,,i feel like a helper in the house,...i feel i am never respected as a wife...just because im a female i have no duty towards my parents?
i dont know how to fix this..is their any way.plz seniors can u guide.

Rihana · Feb 3, 2026

Sorry to read what you are going through. In all this strife, there are a few things you have done that show real grit and decision making.

You arranged to have your parents closer to your place. You have managed to be near them, which is a must-do, especially since your sibling lives abroad. You probably handled most of the local setting up logistics yourself. You are able to visit them for evening tea. This is precious and gives them something to look forward to. You and your brother celebrated their 50th anniversary in your hometown, and you enjoyed the function. Your brother gave your in-laws the silly "sorry" they demanded and then left. You did not give anything in writing. Try to pause and pat yourself on the back for these accomplishments.

You’ve asked how to fix things. You are understandably upset at not being respected and at the expectation that you should not take care of your parents. All your grievances are very valid. It is deeply unfair that you have to struggle so much when you are an independent, working woman who is handling her responsibilities so well.

Your husband is essentially clueless about how to be a partner. Going and sleeping in his mother’s room -- there is no way to fix situations like this. What cannot be cured must be endured.

When things are calmer, over a few days or weeks, slowly try to figure out ways to accept this reality and reach as much peace as you can. For starters, stop railing against the unfairness of it and against the patriarchy, as justified as that anger is. Try practical coping strategies like the grey rock method, spending more time outside the house, and doing things with your daughter.

If your husband still expects intimacy, then in a calm manner, without getting emotional, during daylight hours, outside the bedroom, and away from your MIL’s earshot, tell him something like you also crave intimacy and connection (a small untruth if needed) but are unable to because of the tension at home. Stop there. Do not get drawn into discussing why or how the tension exists. Simply place the blame on the tension in the home and end the conversation. Blaming the tension, not the people, can avoid things getting heated.

Some will say that you should not put up with this, that you should give him an ultimatum, that you are setting a bad example for your daughter, and so on. That advice expects you to be a heroine, a warrior, beyond the energies you have left. You have already conquered so much. It is okay to not take the noblest and bravest roads sometimes. Knowing divorce is not an option is a clarity, not a burden, cowardice or short-sightedness.

When you are spending some time with yourself and trying to figure out what to do, try to focus on what you wrote in the March post, not this post.

gamma50g · Feb 4, 2026

I read through a few of your past posts. I have just these words of advice eventhough it may sound harsh

1. Just because you are a daughter doesnt mean you dont have parental responsibilities. You are equally responsible for your parents as your husband is for his parents.

2. Whatever decision you take with respect to your parents is yours and yours alone as long as it does not overlap with any aspect of your husband or his family.

3. Your parents and sibling should stop groveling to your spouse and in-laws. The policy should be give respect take respect and not one way. Your interaction with your family is mutually exclusive from your interaction with your parents.

4. Do not discuss anything about your parents or sibling with your spouse and mil and vice a versa

5. You are not alone. Many women feel stuck in marriages where they are unable to divorce their spouse. Leave your spouse alone. Dont question him dont confront him. He hasnt changed this long , dont have any false illusion that he will change now. Dont link your happiness with your spouse or your mil or their opinions or your marriage. Let him do what he wants. Marriage is not the ultimate goal of your life. Its just a part of it.

6. You are an independent working woman. You most definitely dont need your husband to accompany you to your parents house or events to feel respected or validated. Stop caring about it.

7. Count your blessings. You have both your parents and your sibling there for you. Marriage is not the ultimate goal of one's life and there is no perfect marriage in this world. You have a child who understands what you are going through and is supportive of you. These are two huge things that you should be grateful for.

At the end, I just want to end by saying that finding peace and happiness while staying married to such a person is completely in your hands. I know its easy to talk but its not easy to truly do it. But once you delink your happiness and peace of mind from your marriage, spouse and mil, you will be truly free, peaceful and happy!!

lavani · Feb 4, 2026

it really amuses me that your h at this acts like a teen. all the families friends and relatives men i know and including my h are worried about health , job security and kids jobs security now a days , if they are in college.

sorry like @Rihana mentioned , i would agree.

DDream · Feb 6, 2026

OP, you’ve already received some good suggestions. This is a sad situation to be in. You cannot change your husband, but what he is trying to do is punish and control you. If his mother is important to him, your parents are important to you as well. It’s better not to interfere in that space.

You can’t change the past, so focus on the present and keep doing what you are doing for yourself, your parents, your kids, and your life. Be unapologetically you. If your mind is pure, your intentions are good, and you are true to yourself, this too shall pass. Life is too short and precious. Don’t waste more time on these people.

My suggestion is not to chase him. Give him space. Accept that you are in a toxic environment and try to shift your focus from him to yourself, your life, and your kids. Just do your duties as usual. This is your home too.

Also, learn to speak in a neutral, respectful tone and practice the grey-rock method. Also, speak to the point and dont over explain. You don’t have to lower yourself to their level or argue with them. If they say you are bad, your mindset should be: “Whatever. You are free to think whatever you like.” You can even say, “Okay, I’m bad.” That attitude takes away their power. Be dignified, calm, and composed.

You may not have the husband you want, but you have other things in your life—don’t spoil them for this man-child. Accept reality, detach, and focus on building a fulfilling life. The hardest part is acceptance, because we often stay in denial and look for excuses or ways to change ourselves.

Focus on what you can control and enjoy your life. At the same time, if needed, be polite—treat them like strangers, with the same neutral courtesy. Once you reach a peaceful mindset that is unaffected by their tantrums or noise, you will be in a much better place.

Once you have this attitude, very little will bother you—and even if it does, the impact will be minimal. Prolonged stress can create health issues, so monitor your health, eat well, take care of yourself, and make sure you have enough “me time.” Enjoy.

If he comes to you, you can say that you would like to have a great, fulfilling life together, but that parents or outsiders should not be involved or control your life together, because it takes away emotional bonding and connection, without which a relationship cannot thrive. You can also say: “I can’t force you to love or respect me, but I can love and respect myself.”