please give some valuable suggestions-Need help.

Is he your fil or boss to order do that this, are you working as a maid in his house, no gentlemen would treat women that too a dil of a family.
1. Find a job or at least take tutions at your home until you find a suitable ones
2. Don't get stressed of fil's behavior. Also don't cry and show your weakness, if you stand strong no one would tell you anything. If people know you are fragile then they would use it for their advantage
4. Talk to your husband, if there is no mistake on your part, never go for sorry just for the sake and later regret.
5. Make him understand that we need to be democratic at home and not under the dictator like your fil.
6. Choose some hobbies, divert yourself, do learn something on part time basis.
7. You are dil of that house and not a servant maid to just do all the households, tell him politely in his language, if you tremble then he will climb on your top to dictate terms.
8. How many years are you married? do you have kids?
Don't feel great for merely cooking at their house, they are using you for the personal benefits. Develop respect for yourself first, having done pg, try to do some worthy thing using it.
9. Going out is all your freedom, if they deny, fight and get it. What is your husband doing seeing all these drama? Is he a silent spectator or what?:confused2:

 

This doesn't look like a normal adult-adult relationship. Talk to your husband and establish your expectations.
You are bending too much to the extend you will break any time. You will regret living like this if this continues.

 

It is much easier to stand up and fight back than think of suicide.Don't be silly girl.
Your fil unfortunately is one of those men who think it is their birth right to bully their wife and everyone else's wife. They seem to get some kind of satisfaction in it.

Well...the daughter in laws are not his ...to like or not...he does not own you.People like this probably never worked a minute to build respect as they think it is their birth right to demand it.

First step...talk to your husband.Tell him you feel disrespected when your fil talks to you rudely.Tell him it is not acceptable.tell him to tell fil...if he has a problem with you...he should either talk politely or convey the message through your husband because you don't want to be talked rudely to.

Second step...Tell your husband you would like to take up a job...at least a part time job. Tell him as a married couple ...only you both get to decide about it ...not your fil.You could start with some volunteer or charity work first .This way they may have to shut up.

If he shows attitude by ignoring...you do too and continue to do what you are doing provided you are sure you were right in the first place.Don't apologize if you are right and don't try to appease him.

Slowly try to increase your influence in your house hold. Volunteer to do some bank work or important shopping work while husband is busy in office and you go and do it. Tell him you used to do all this before marriage and are very comfortable doing it. Let your husband know and step out. Do it one time....if some one objects just ignore. And then do it again. You are not a bonded labor bought by your control freak fil.Don't act like one.

If he complains to your parents...let them know how suffocating it is to live in their house under the rule of the fil and tell them to ignore or tell him that you are educated and know how to deal with work outside home.

Reduce your interaction with fil....if you have to deal with in laws...go directly to mil and ask her.Avoid your rude and controlling fil.

 

You let him know and then go out.If your fil says anything...just tell him "my husband knows and has no problem".Seriously...your husband needs to grow up and grow a spine. He is a father now and should behave like one.

Why do you feel inferior? He should feel that for making you live with these restrictions.Next time he says that...give him your best smile and say"yes...it feels so good to be out and not feel suffocated all the time."

 

Who is your fil to decide what you want, don't want? Big boss of the family means he must restrict his atrocity with in his family and not yours. Who is he to tell your plans of taking tutions, they should not have brought a pg graduate as dil instead an uneducated is enough for their son.
Remember one thing in life, you cannot satisfy everyone in life. Now you are venting becoz you are unhappy, seeing the happiness of your family you lost yours. Seriously you seem to be like a slave, with your fil as your master (i am not telling to hurt you).

Please come out of the shell, 6years of marriage is gone, atleast now grow up to do something. If you fear surely people will treat you only inferior. Plan your life, even day today activities if somebody is dictating then you are living merely for him or her and not for yourself.
Your weakness is not fear, but worrying what will he think if i do this. If your fil is not speaking enjoy :banana.. Learn to act smartly, if that old man can be smart to control you, being young you must show your cleverness. Also if you worry, he will think yes this girl will get upset if we scold so to torture her let us do it. Take this issue easily, what milk packet, Keep this in mind and when you get a chance play your game. waitingsmiley
One day don't get milk at all, make your husband ask him or tell uncle i don't know what best language to please you so i didn't ask for milk, sent your son, put him on his face, he will never come to you.

Today women needs smartness to tackle people at home, when old brains can think so much we must outsmart them to an extent that they understand us and respect us. You are fighting gor your own freedom and not kargil or indian borderfight. So don't fear.

 

My life would have ended up like yours had we not left the country. For first 3 months after marriage, I was not even allowed to go to the main gate (we lived in an independent house). If anybody came to the gate, I was asked to go inside. If my family called me up, I was allowed to only talk for a few minutes and then had to hand over the phone to my inlaws. Where was my husband during all this? He had a wonderful boss who kept him on the road all the time.

Finally when my husband was in town for a whole day in between, I sat and really cried. But I also told him that if I was not allowed some freedom, I would walk out and go back to my parents (he did not know it but it was an empty threat).

So he talked to his parents, and I got permission to go out for one hour every evening. I would run off to the temple nearby and just sit there. Got a lot of peace by doing that. And that was when I started praying for my husband's dream of coming to the US. I realized that there was no way I would have any life unless we were outside the country. Not even just outside the city coz if that happened, they already told him that I would have to stay back with them.

Main thing is to make your husband understand. Fighting, arguing, never gets us anywhere. Repeatedly talking, asking is what will get results. Don't ask for much. Maybe tell him that you need to go for a walk everyday. Start small. Once that is achieved, go to the next step.

All the best, and since I have been in your position, I know that all it can ever bring is pain and sadness. But be strong and you will be able to come out of it.

 

Dear OP,
This is 3 years of my marriage now(Love Marriage). The first two years was disaster for me. Everyone used to take advantage of me. I was quit and silent kind of person at my inlaws place coz new place, new people and new environment. It took little time to understand between right and wrong and intention of people around me.

My sister in law used to live near to us(now we sifted to different place). They came to visit our place to see their mom everyday morning to evening. I was fed up of making tea, Snacks, dinner, lunch and so on..my house was like sabji mandi. My sil thier husband and their kid almost everyday..their was no privacy in our life. My baby was very small then, PIL husband, so much responsibilities.. All family member sit in one place and chatting with each other and used to be busy on making food for them. I was sacred of my Mother in law so much. My husband was not so supportive in my early days.

One day i thought now this is it...i m not going to be maid of any one and will not let anybody to take me for granted. After birth of my DD my husband started being supportive toward me. I convinced him about wrong and right.

Then after whenever they try to use me i fight back. There was a big fight till one or two hour. I fight with my MIL and SIL. After that day they are scared inside. My SIL return loan to us which she was not returning which was taken so many years before.
Even i didn't mention about loan in our fight but she scared of me by knowing another me... Later on i convinced my husband to move from that place. Now we are living happily. They come here to visit us once in a month..we also visit them once or twice in a month and relation is better now..

SO the conclusion is speak up and fight back..before that u should convinced ur husband and make him to support u. otherwise it is very difficult to take step without husband.

thx