Please comment on our way of living.......

I don't think there is any positive that I feel like writing after reading your post. You have pretty much accepted what you both are lacking and pathetically you guys seem to be happy with that setup.

(1) Career oriented partners, don't want to relax or compromise
(2) Independent is the polished way, to be frank it's more like "loners" is what I want to say
(3) Don't know how to lead a life and enjoy it on the way.
(4) Sadly bringing up clones of you both.

So to say in a line, your way of living sucks. If you can, please do change for the sake of yourself and your kids.

 

I think its important that your kids socialize a little bit each week. You dont have to go out of your way to do this. Get your kids some outdoor sport toys & have them play outside for half an hour everyday. Other kids in the neighborhood will slowly join them & before you know it, they'll have their friend circle. And at that point, you simply let their friends also have sleep over slumber parties or other such things that kids do.

Now, do they need music lessons? I know Indian families do this like clockwork, but how many grown up adults who took music lessons ever engage in it as a profession. I think its important to cultivate an artistic sense in kids, but not by forcing them to take it as an education. Exposing them to classical music shows, taking them to art museums & explaining its importance to them at home is more than enough. I think kids ought to have a lot of free time to enjoy their childhood days & teenage days.

You & your husband not socializing or having a social life is not a problem. You are adults & can handle it. You can enjoy some peace & get some rest & relaxation! And to ensure that there is someone who is dedicated to the house & family, I recommend you to go part-time. A man (testosterone-based-worker) cannot 'caretake' a house & its family members the same way a woman can (estrogen/emotion-based-worker).

 

Tara

A similar issue was raised by one of our Ilite..I have responded in that thread..pls read that one..hope it helps you

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/general-discussions-usa-and-canada/81656-depressed.html

By the way, its good to hear that you do find your way of living a bit apart from everyone..because the moment you realise it, you would start fixing it.

I would suggest might be start taking small steps of having your kids friends over to your house atleast once in a week. Now, how do you make time for it is what you have ask yourself. might be for a sleepover, not necessary that you have to cook, even you can just order some snacks and invite them over for a movie or for some short tour to a near by mall or bowling or zoo depending on your kids age.

I understand that in the current recession market, having jobs is a big deal and even if you want to quit , I wont suggest that as an option (unless its like ruining your lives totally).

However, just like the way you put in extra hours at work, when you are not that much troubled or busy at work, you have to put in those extra hours at home (dont jump in to bed or for your tennis classes immediately...) once in a while ask kids to have their friends over and let them have fun. Might be you can have a mommys get together parallely..

 

Tara09,

I fell compelled to write here. I understand careers are very important to both of you and with or with out your knowledge you have got used to a certain lifestyle. For a healthy well rounded development of children, it is important for them to understand the value of family/freindship/trust and love - these almost should be deliberate acts when we are so far away from home. we cannot take it for granted, we have to acquire. I am not syaing you are not giving any of that - it is just that kids at different stages need it to be shown differently. Right now your kids are mature enough to understand various family dynamics and also will have friends who share opinions about the same. It is also impossible to provide our kids everything everyone else has. however, you seem to be a happy family and you seem to be a mom aware of her children and their needs. So just start interacting, socialising. To begin with both of you have siblings - make it a point to call all of them atleast twice a month and do it leisurely. Begin having get togethers at home - it is not necessary you have to know people to have them oevr. You will get to know them as you begin this. Also cut off all outside activities one day a week and keep it just for family - playing games, going out, doing some home projects together, even cutting veges for the week, cooking for the week, watching a kids movie together kind of activities. If you have neighbors with kids your age or otherwise, have them over by placing a card in their mailboxes for a play date or anything else you can think of or begin by attending any block parties or july 4th parties etc you may have . You will soon get comfortable and begin to enjoy your family time. You are lucky that you have realised at the right time, now you just have to take that step - you necessarily don't have to compromise on your current life style, but definetly will have to make adjustments.

 

Tara

Yes there are some couples for whom this social life thing is like switching on a bulb. Depends on how extroverts they are..because I know few of my friends who suddenly popped into the social life scene, which they used to avoid all the time beffore kids were born...

Nothing is easy/tough dear! just that taking the first step is more important.

Just sit with your son and have a talk with him that this new year you would do things around the house a bit different than how it was all these years before. so to start this new year on a good note, you want to host a small kids party/ get to gether with all his fav. friends whom he can invite. Take his suggestions, involve him and he too would want to help you to host the party. Am sure he wouldbe thrilled to hear the news you can tell him that he can call his friends over and if he wants you would talk to his friends moms. See how he wants to organize this. Who knows even before you realise it, you are ALREADY into itthats how things happen. Dont worry

Again, first step is to realise that you were lagging behind in this social activities, now the next step is to ACT on it. dont post pone or find reasons to keep moving this activitiy over n over to another/next week.

Start with a small group and slowly increase the no. of people. Am sure you would have loads of fun doing this.And slowly your husband would also come around..

 

Srividya has given great ideas to start the new year fresh.
My points would be to invite your friends. You say you have one older couple, invite them. I am sure they will inturn invite you for their next gettogether. Make new friends, keep in touch with them.
Also, temple or cultural association is great place to meet people. You say kids are in music and swimming lessons. Don't they have recitals, and swim meets - get involved. Through a party at home before or after the meet. Also attend Home owners association meetings. You can meet neighbours.
All this takes time and effort, I guess you have to really plan your calendar.