1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Please Clear My Confusion!!

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by aratisajjan, Dec 6, 2019.

  1. aratisajjan

    aratisajjan Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    30
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    This is going on in my mind since many days,so thought of asking u guys..
    I had called a friend,her family,whom we know since 1-2 months, for lunch. They left late evening so I packed some daal so she doesn't have to cook at night..She took it with smile, Dint even say thank you, nor she messaged after having it at home..
    When someone else had packed some rasam for me,I thanked so many times even messaged after having at home saying how yum it is..

    another friend gave me some homemade namkeen in a box, in return I baked a cake and gave her, n also to another friend who was with her..They said thank u while taking.. Nothing else after that, dint message nor did they say anything when I met after 3-4 days..
    When she had given namkeen,I messaged in the same evening telling how yum they are n also told my kid loved it..

    Now u guys plz tell me do I overdo the courtesy or they do it less? I'm confused whether I should change myself n should not be so humble saying thank u so many times n messaging them..Becoz I don't get the same response back..
     
    Loading...

  2. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    1,133
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    We all have free will to do what we want but the problem here is you are expecting the same from other people . Btw I never take packed food from anybody home . Sometimes people accept it because they don’t want to hurt your feelings . Baking a cake to fill the box seems to be a
    overstretch . It is nice gesture but don’t expect it from other people
     
  3. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    5,209
    Likes Received:
    10,235
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    You can thank someone for their help for multiple times in so many different ways. But you can't expect everyone to act exactly like you do. This kind of expectation only create problems in relationship.

    Yesterday one of my colleague gifted me 2 fancy pencil boxes for my kids from Bangkok. I received them with thanks, and presented the same to my kids mentioning her name.
    That's it. I left it at at that.
    But it doesn't mean I forgot about her efforts to keep us in her thought when she shopped in BKK.
    This kind of little little things ultimately make us bond for life.

    Thankfully no one expects formalities among friends in my circle.
     
    Topaz49 and aratisajjan like this.
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,507
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Trophy Points:
    325
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes I feel you are overreacting.
    You aren’t doing things to hear the words “THANK YOU”.
    It’s just a courtesy. So expecting thank you s or more help in future will only cause disappointment.
    You cannot expect everyone to do things like you or according to your wishes. Each one has their own way of responding to your help!
     
    Topaz49, aratisajjan and anika987 like this.
  5. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    241
    Likes Received:
    296
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    This is too much OP. Do not expect anything in return for the little things you do for others. Especially the good deeds. You are over thinking about how they didn't respond to your hospitality. May be they got busy with other stuff. May be they do not have the same warmth of friendship you have for them. Or may be they all got sick (it is winter!!). Anything can happen.
     
    Topaz49 and aratisajjan like this.
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,194
    Likes Received:
    2,492
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    "She took it with smile" this may be her way of saying thank you. Even I do the same some times, and later remember about it, I even go back and say thank you, especially to people here. Many Indians are not used to 'Thank you' to other Indians. In my native place, if I say thank you , many may get confused . So most of the time a smile with a pleasant node will convey the message that you appreciate it. (I noticed many people here get confused my gesture, because I used to nod my head side to side, instead of front to back - their accepted way of affirmation, so I changed it:)).

    You are expecting a verbal affirmation. That may not happen all the time. So please stop overthinking and continue to treat her the way you did. We cannot expect every one to emote or behave the same way we expect. Take it easy. Take care
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2019
    Topaz49, aratisajjan and shravs3 like this.
  7. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,241
    Likes Received:
    870
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    This happened 8-9 years ago. During festival time (diwali, any Fridays) if I cook any sweets I usually give to my friends may be 1 or 2 near by home. Sometimes they return empty boxes or they may forgot to return my boxes. Since my mom said always share the sweets with others during festival time I followed those things after I moved to USA. I usually give in small box.

    In return I didn't expect anything. But same time in my experience very few friends they gave me some food occasionally if they had any celebration or Pooja at home. I have given back empty boxes or sometimes with fruits.

    It's all depend on individual. If you think you are doing too much you stop giving food but saying thank you to others it's not bad thing. Actually you are doing good don't change because of others.

    If people around you have good relationship with you. Occasionally meeting with you. You can continue giving your food to others if you don't expect anything from them.
     
    aratisajjan likes this.
  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,616
    Likes Received:
    4,303
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    @aratisajjan offered a snippet so that others may feel better about how well they know the world in give and receive transactions. Nobody thanked the OP.... not even a single “like”. :(
     
    aratisajjan likes this.
  9. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    720
    Likes Received:
    1,038
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Op,
    you are doing too much for friends. Do a little less. By doing little less, we do not feel used in long run and do not sabotage our own life. IMHO, desis are used to being done less favor to, unless it is 'damad'. Then it is different. In desi culture, traditionally there is no friendship, especially among females. It used to all relatives- behen, masi, chachi etc. In our culture, we don't care about friendship at the level you are doing. I would say, start doing less and people come flocking to you. The more you say 'thankyou, etc' you will be more taken for granted and left alone as weirdo (in desi culture). Try saying less thanks, and even meaning less of "thanks" that occasionally spills out. It is very empowering!
     
    aratisajjan and Amulet like this.
  10. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    48
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Arati,
    According to your view point, your feelings are valid. Expecting a Thank you or just some nice words after you receive something from friends or relatives is just a basic courtesy. Anyone can say don't expect anything. But in reality,there are some basic expectations,which is the foundation of any relationships. So what is the solution? Don't overdo things for people who you think don't have any basic qualities. Yes,it is simple!
     

Share This Page