Please advise...what to do with a friend who changes her colour (behaviour) often!

Re: Please advise...what to do with a friend who changes her colour (behaviour) often

She's using you for her own benefit. If she has no one else to talk to, then she talks to you, rather than introducing you to her OTHER friends.

Your hubby is right, keep away from her.

 

Re: Please advise...what to do with a friend who changes her colour (behaviour) often

She's using you. When she is alone or there's no one to talk to her, then she wants your company. Else she doesnt care.

Maintain your cool and treat her like an acquaintance, not a friend.

 

Re: Please advise...what to do with a friend who changes her colour (behaviour) often

She is taking you for granted. Get angry, take action. Ignoring and being nice will encourage bad behavior.

Screen calls with caller id and do not pick hers. Do not reply to voice mails.

Get other friends and ignore her completely. Then she will get the message and either learn to behave well or move away without bothering you anymore. Either way, you are better off.

I had one frenemy(Urban Dictionary: frenemy) who also used to use me and ditch me like this. I did the above and now she is a bit scared to cross my line. She was very friendly when I was alone but will either ignore or make some unwarranted comments when having company. When among friends, I could not open my mouth about even casual things without getting some mocking reply back. Everything was a competition and drained my energy. After a few years I had had enough.

Do not ignore her behavior. Ignore her.

If we are too good, world will treat us as doormats.

 

Re: Please advise...what to do with a friend who changes her colour (behaviour) often

She is NOT your friend and you don't need her friendship. Just, tell her you are busy and not available when she calls you.

 

Re: Please advise...what to do with a friend who changes her colour (behaviour) often

Dear SUNDUST,

she is not a friend, she just uses u for her timepass, if she was real friend will never leave u alone at anytime.. just start avoiding her..until it stops finally...

regards

Soumya

 

Re: Please advise...what to do with a friend who changes her colour (behaviour) often

Without reading ur post, just by reading the title I want to say "Its better always to stay away from such a friend."

 

Re: Please advise...what to do with a friend who changes her colour (behaviour) often

Never Trust People like this .....

 

Re: Please advise...what to do with a friend who changes her colour (behaviour) often

Glad to help dear. If she (or anyone for that matter) does not introduce you to her friends or in public, it means she is thinking low about you and hence does not want to be seen with you in public. This is very rude behavior.

My husband had a colleague who will be chatting happily with Indians during coffee break. But the minute an American walks past, he will drop everyone even in the middle of a sentence and start talking with him.

Then they also started to notice someting - In a group of people, this cunning fellow will cling to the person who earns the most or is highest in designation (Indian or American). Others with whom he was chatting till the previous second will be invisible to him even if they call his name standing within 2 feet foot from him. Not that he was up in the corporate ladder or anything like that. He had no technical knowledge or hard work and that was the only way to get some visibility in the company. These are those over amibitious ones but not willing to put in the long hours.

But when you are alone, she will act all good and hence you are confused whether she is good or bad. This is their trick of fogging your mind so they can have you as back up when they need any help. They might even throw in a few condescending statements that mimic true concern for us. But beware.

It is an insult when someone treats us like this. Take action.

BTW, My frenemy was my husband's colleagues's wife. So I waited and waited for years. But one day I snapped and decided to so something about it instead of feeling crappy about myself. (But he reports to my DH at work and DH was 100% in support and said he will face whatever happens. So I could do it. DH is all for ditching people. I am the confused wavering one)

Ditching is easy. But if they happen to be the bold confrontational types, you have to be mentally prepared to explain in a sweet diplomatic and smiling way - why you dont find time to be their "use and throw" friend anymore. If you start stumbling and blabbering when they ask about it, they will be very amused and will increase their previous behavior so that you do not try this again.

But I would say, go for it. You need to be respected. They call it "self" respect because you (your"self") are the only one who can fight for it.

your self respect is your responsibility. You husband's friendships are his responsibility. You do not have to be ignored by her wheneven she feels like it just to save your husband's friendships. That is not fair.

I am seeing results already. She is cordial and nice and I do not hear any snide remarks. We are maintaining our distance as well as friendship. Every one is peaceful and behaving like good children.