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Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work......

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by neena35, Mar 29, 2010.

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  1. Mar 30, 2010 #31
    aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    Dear OP,

    I feel what your husband did was right. If he had selected you, the entire office would perceive it as a favoritism towards you. Even though your colleagues support you and wanted you to be selected, they would have made a mockery of you two behind your backs.

    And there could be valid reasons why he is not letting you move to other depts. Maybe he knows how mean your next boss could be in other dept.

    Suggestion 1(temporary): U need to talk openly about this to your DH. Maybe he can tell you what stopped him.

    Suggestion 2(long term): Start looking for another job.
     
    aruna_077, Mar 30, 2010
    aruna_077, Mar 30, 2010
    #31
  2. Mar 30, 2010 #32
    Peperoncino

    Peperoncino New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    I would be careful about being too frank with HR re: the reasons for wanting to move. It might just open up a whole new can of worms as in why was this not brought up earlier, why was this brought up only when OP was denied transfer etc. Knowing that HR is generally aligned with management, and reading that the company is full of buffoons doing unwise things, well, you draw the conclusion..............
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2010
    Peperoncino, Mar 30, 2010
    Peperoncino, Mar 30, 2010
    #32
  3. Mar 30, 2010 #33
    grihasta

    grihasta New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    In many companies, HR does try to help out employees and doesn't always side with the managers. Also, in this case, she need not complain against her husband. She can request a transfer to a different team, and she can also present her case without casting any aspersions on her husband. It all depends on how HR is approached.

    the OP first has to move to a different team/dept from her husband, and she needs to do it ASAP. Many multi-national companies have policies against husband-wife team working in same teams. It is not that strange of a request if she asks to be moved to a new team.

    Once she moves to a different dept, she can then work on her career goals without being constrained by her husband.
     
    grihasta, Mar 30, 2010
    grihasta, Mar 30, 2010
    #33
  4. Mar 30, 2010 #34
    ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    Neena,
    I think you're taking it really seriously... a woman has more ways to get her office issues resolved when she can officially bed her BOSS :crazy.... tho it becomes a ghar ka murgi affair....

    My comp doesn't support spouse in same team & no hierarchy at all.. even if people end up marrying they're immediately moved under different team.. now since its allowed here I would have approached it as follows:

    1) Never complained to HR of my DH, cos I cant hamper his success whatever the reason is.
    2) One wild encounter I'll tell him that am tired of reporting to him at work & home and if he doesn't let me report to someone else at work then I wont mind reporting someoneelse at home :rotfl.. but make sure it doesn't sound very serious and revengeful.
    3) Applied elsewhere and made up my mind to leave the company no matter how rosy current package/ environment was... really not worth being here anymore at the cost of mental and mantrimonial peace.
     
    ShilpaMa, Mar 30, 2010
    ShilpaMa, Mar 30, 2010
    #34
  5. Mar 30, 2010 #35
    neena35

    neena35 New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....


    Ghar ka murgi.....ha! ha!!! haaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!............
    And this boss can make all promises in bed and conveniently forget next day. I never attempted that way to resolve my work issues. Anyway, I am not so desperate to bed him for official purposes.......Hey! talking too much about midnight masala??....Just kidding!!!............I am getting carried away!!.....ha! ha! ha!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Thanks to everyone who gave me all the support. I read and re-read and still reading all your responses and so much appreciate your inputs.

    Today, I had a long talk with my boss's boss and he said give me a week's time and I will do something about this and I assure you, you will not be disappointed. So, I am betting on being moved to different dept, or may be dh will be moved because anyways he is not here permanently. Though they said initially he is here for short time but this structure is going on longer and HR does not seem to act on it. I wish that I would be moved since I am not happy with the recent happenings.
    Keeping my fingers crossed!!

    Actually, my earlier boss resigned and so my dh was given this added responsibility along with his own dept. The HR did not bother much, I guess because it was not a permanent one that my dh would be here anyways. He was a manager of another dept. already. He was promoted over other people and moved to a totally different dept. few years back and I was happy for him then.
    I would have been alright, waited for some more time, had this selection for the recent position did not come about.

    I really did not want to approach dh on this because the only place I can talk about this is at work. I have already attempted this once and he is not at all considerate. Seeing his attitude towards my request I found it useless to approach him again. Really, he has this ruthless attitude and I wish he saw how others felt about it. I am sure one day he will get a taste of his own medicine and then will realize but for now I want my job done and so I found my boss's boss as the best person to deal with this issue of mine.
    Earlier, at work, dh and I used to hardly ever meet because he was in another dept. in another building. Though he was the manager of that dept. we never let that come in our husband-wife relationship. He has his own circle at office and I have my own group of close knit friends.
    Only recently, he has been appointed temporarily as our boss here and with me being turned down for something I deserved, I feel that animosity. I try not to let that come in between us and especially with kids at home. Not talking about work at home is a boon for us and a blessing for kids.
    He is too loaded as it is these days with two departments. And bringing this up at home would have only shown him that I could not deal with it on my own. I have big ego regarding work and I can never let anyone, especially dh, handle my affairs at work. Dh is just like me regd work. He never ever discussed with me even about the other dept. he is in charge of.
    And, I don't want to be the ONE who broke the resolution we made when we joined work at the same place. I feel I can share my work related matters more freely with my friends or here with ILites.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2010
    neena35, Mar 30, 2010
    neena35, Mar 30, 2010
    #35
  6. Mar 30, 2010 #36
    Sunny3

    Sunny3 New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    You did a good job, Neena, in approaching your boss's boss on this matter. I am sure he will take this to HR because HR and management always go hand in hand and so you will surely find some quick action taken.
    I think it will be you, who will be moved because they may still need your dh in that position till they find a replacement there. So, that is exactlywhat you wished for....right? Good, that you could resolve it on your own.

    It is tough for someone to manage more than one department at a time and if they put your dh like that even if it is temporarily, then surely they might be confident of his capabilities. He is indeed a smart guy!!
    Be proud of him!
    Good luck:thumbsup
    Sunitha
     
    Sunny3, Mar 30, 2010
    Sunny3, Mar 30, 2010
    #36
  7. Mar 30, 2010 #37
    reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    Neena,

    This is exactly the reason why most companies do not allow husband and wife working in the same project and NEVER with one reporting the other.

    I personally think, it is best to work in 2 different companies if possible.

    Anyway, for now I dont think it is a good idea to escalate this to HR. You said that at home he is a good husband.. by escalating things, it may be pushing things too far. Though it is not fair on you, for now leave this incident behind. You have already expressed your concerns with your boss's boss.

    Since you say that you have long term benefits and perks in the current organisation, how about you move to a different project or unit ( one where your DH is not part of or has no influence over)? How about you talk to your boss's boss regarding this?
     
    reshsabu, Mar 30, 2010
    reshsabu, Mar 30, 2010
    #37
  8. Mar 31, 2010 #38
    mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    I am not going to repeat what others have already suggested here.. they have covered pretty much all views.. But I want to applaud you & your DH for the resolution you guys made to "leave work at work" & above all, sticking to it this long!
    All the best for your career though :thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2010
    mstrue, Mar 31, 2010
    mstrue, Mar 31, 2010
    #38
  9. Apr 2, 2010 #39
    cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    Hi neena,

    Hope things will be fine very soon..Me&My DH were working together before marriage,we both were competitors,as we were in two different departments we both used to come out with flying colors.After our engagement he was transferred to diff dept in diff location.Few of my co-workers married their subordinates,so frm my experience what i can say that your DH has not selected you for this post for your own benefit,may be he knws that the new role may not be so challenging or sadist boss or too much work, to the top of it, as u told tht your dh is going to be ur boss temporarily,He would have thought tht he might be criticized if he selected you.your dh may be thinking as you r happy here why to mess up your life with new problems which inturn may disturb peace &happiness at home.So pls dont see your DH as ur enemy,try to relate things frm his point of view.

    Just my two cents
     
    cutesmile09, Apr 2, 2010
    cutesmile09, Apr 2, 2010
    #39
  10. Apr 2, 2010 #40
    neena35

    neena35 New IL'ite

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    Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

    Thanks ILites for staying with me throughout.

    This is the latest update. My boss, ie., my dh called me today since he wanted to speak to me. I was happy and excited for sometime as there might have been some change brought forth by his boss and maybe I will be shifted.
    But to my shock, he gave me one very LONG list of things that I needed to do . He projects all those as something great and will add to my career growth. He says working on those will build my experience in that area.
    I glanced through the list and found it rubbish. It is the same old things and the best part is the added new stupid thing of me coaching this new guy who will take over as lead. And, with that he hooked up some other task where I will coach some people from another group too. Anyway, I will not go into details of the work but I just don't think I should be doing all those. It doesn't fit my resume.
    I asked my boss..."Do I look like a teacher here?"

    I came back, emailed my resignation and sent a CC to my boss's boss.
    My boss's boss called me immediately, talked to me. My dh was also there. I explained very clearly the intentions behind all these. And, I expressed my unhappiness over this decision. After my dh left,
    he (boss's boss) asked whether we can go for lunch. Over lunch he told me that there is a probable merger and so they do not want to disturb the structure for some time. He said even my dh will not be in this dept. for long and will be moved in couple of months and there is nothing he can do about it. I just need to wait till then when everything will be reorganized and I can put forth my request for change in dept. only then.

    He said he will request my boss not to accept the resignation and asked me also to take back my resignation and told me that is the only best thing to do now for couple more months. I asked him about my not being selected though I was in that area. He said he cannot do anything about it. As for coaching part, he said he will figure out something but advised me to just carry on as it is now.

    He seemed genuine to me, but then I think why did he say he will do something about it and that I will not be disappointed by that, only few days back. Is he also playing? Shall I wait some more time and see?
     
    neena35, Apr 2, 2010
    neena35, Apr 2, 2010
    #40
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