Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work......

Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

Neena.

Even if your current boss is not your husband, you will still need tact when approaching HR. Remember that more often than not, HR is usually aligned with the management, and may not take too well to an employee blaming the boss.

Rather than pinning the blame on your boss outright, you could approach HR and it as an employee who sees a long term future with the company, and wants to be able to fulfil her potential so as to be able to contribute fully to the growth of the company. And so on..... I hope you get the drift?

Also, re: your comments about your current boss not letting you change departments, see point (ii) of my first post. You leaving could just mean the performance of your current boss's dept could go down. So, could this be a reason? But then should this be your concern? And should this be reason enough to prevent you from reaching your professional potential? Only you can answer this. (Note that we are only speculating here....)

Hope this provides you with some food for thought.

 

Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

Hi there!!
personally i dont think its a healthy work environment to be working with spouses in the same team and many companies dont allow it. the company i work for makes sure 1 employee moves to a different team if at all they get involved.
With such a direct reporting situation you are in a tough position!
My suggestions --
1.Though you and dh had decided not to talk abt work at home, but i think its time for a talk. you need to clear the air before it affects you non work relationship.. hats off , how you both are able to manage a totally different relation ship during the same time!! not possible by most.. i am not being sarcastic here.
2. you do say your DH is a smooth talker, but giving him a bit of leeway, do you know how he feels about having his wife as his subordinate?? i am surprised there are no background talks about favouritism etc, because with even a distant relatvie at work in the same team can cause such back home.. ha forget relationship, even same caste/ region can cauase favouritsm gossip. Have had plenty of those experience.
Maybe hes taking extra efforts to prove he really doesnt consider you as family at work & just another emplyee? Ask him this.. tell him to be honest abnout it and dont get angry if he admits it.. its very natural..
3. talk to him about the need to have a bit of seperation at work for long term marriage wellbeing. you do feel you are not being given the due you deserve. this could lead to resentment & ego issues in either 1 person in the long run.. I am not saying this is a given, but is a distant possibility. esp with your DH trying to restrict your chances right now, whatever reasons he might have.

Once you both talk about this as husband and wife and you share your concerns and get enough details from him, tell him your concerns too.. you really dont want to leave this organisation, but you feel its best you move to a different dept. Tell him it will also benefit him in the long run where he doenst have to prove to each and everyone he doesnt show favouritsm..

Good luck and i do hope you are able to resolve this before more frustration sets in..'

 

Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

Okay, now that seems to be the most likely answer to why your request for transfer was not approved, what are you going to do next? If you decide to stay on in the current team, judging from your posts here, chances are you will become frustrated. And that can result you seething inside and blaming your current boss (and husband) for the lack of progress in your career.

Or you can explore opportunities outside the company while having the chat with HR and your current boss. From the way you described your husband, it looks like he is more than capable of looking after himself, given that he has a way with words and of dealing with his bosses. And as you said your team was collectively responsible for bringing the department up to the level it is now, I'm sure they can manage without you for a while.

One step at a time....seriously speak to a recruitment consultant!

 

Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

Usually it is against corporate policy for spouse to report to each other. So, how come the company is allowing this reporting structure!?

 

Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

Neena, there are two elements, one is your job and your boss who is your DH , and your personal life that is your marriage

You said he is nice to you at home, shares work, so your equation at home as a spouse is perfect, that is not a question.

At work he is your boss you have to still have the thought that he is also your DH , if you throw papers on his face and walk out, which you could do with outsider, you cannot do to him, it will jeopardise the relation to some extent

Ideally both spouses should not work in one department, and never as a superior subordinate role, because it hampers personal lives. we have heard how to not involve relatives in business as doing so ruins the business as well as relationship.

One thing I dont understand if your DH is good at home with you why is he behaving that way at work, why is he making up excuses like you said that you did not deserve the open position, why is he recruiting a less competitive guy? How can he have your wellfare in his mind as a spouse if you claim he does, if he is not helping you move to a place you have applied or deserve.

Its very confusing...Going to HR with complaint will not make much sense if HR is like any other company, just a Managers puppet...It is just a escape, HR wont do anything most of the times. The manager, subordinate relation is that is imp and the more it is cordial the more better. The last option for you is to resign and look out something else or sit at home, to help gain sanity

 

Re: Please advise me how to set my boss straight........my dh is my boss at work.....

Neena,

My coworker (male) is in the exact situation like you.
His wifey is his bossy for past 1 and 1/2 yr.......
infact our boss is his wife. :drowning

He hates the situation and is trying change to different wing, totally different department. He said if it doesn't happen as expected by him since he is already negotiating it with HR and other higher managers, he will look for opportunities outside the company.
May be that is your solution too....Think it over.