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Please Advice Should I Continue This Pregnancy Where Our Relationship Sinking

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rose03, Jul 9, 2018.

  1. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    What do you really want ?

    Do you want to stay in this marriage n continue this ?

    Do you want to separate, n live away but still married ?

    Or do you want to divorce n move on n have a chance at another life ?

    Bringing up a new life into a toxic environment is a lot worse according to me. A child deserves a home, may not be a super happy home but it should be atleast a peaceful/ secured home.

    I would suggest you to focus on the future rather than the past about what they have done, you knew what you were getting yourself into, you could have stopped all this, but you didn't n still went with it. He married you for his reasons just like you married him for your own reasons, so both are at fault here, in terms of the past.

    So atleast now, think hard n decide n make the right choices for your future. If you plan to stick to it, atleast try to throw away the past bitterness as it might eat you up inside n make you a miserable person, n your child deserves better.

    Accept it happened, n that you hate it, but you aren't gona give it any more power by thinking about it all the time n that you are more powerful than all that. Go for counselling if required or help yourself become more positive. Don't be that person who will only complain but do nothing because you are holding a lot of hatred which will affect yourself more first n then your child. Not worth it.

    If you choose to move away, then work on that.
     
  2. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Well said @ashneys.
    OP appears to be under an impression that she has been taken for a ride. But in reality she knew what she was getting into and with everything known to her, went ahead to have a child and now fell pregnant again.
    OP time to decide something rather than just venting and pitying yourself
     
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  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I think you are very confused here.
    Blame your troublesome life and the pregnancy hormones for your state of mind.

    But this is very crucial time to think and act wisely.

    No one is asking you to stay with your H, but you seem to have voluntarily chosen this option.
    Some of us here try to highlight your problem/s so that you can line up your solutions accordingly.

    Your second pregnancy is not your biggest problem right now. It is just another burden in your already strained life. That's all.

    It didn't came to you without your consent just like a pregnancy after rape.
    You consented for an unprotected sex, and what did you expected from it?
    It is different from Rape, and hope you get my point here.

    And by killing this poor soul that you have created, nothing is going to change in your marriage.
    By going at this rate, you may probably have unprotected sex and another pregnancy too.
    How many times are you keep on killing your own kids?

    Instead, try to address the root cause.
     
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  4. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, if I were in your shoes, I would choose to terminate the pregnancy. Ethical side aside, you do not want to bring a child into this world where the home is nothing but toxic.
    You are not going to leave your husband. I can already tell.

    PS: urgently talk to a doctor about birth control measures.
     
  5. Rose03

    Rose03 Senior IL'ite

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    today also I spoke to him , no improvements ( he is as arrogant as before) and he was recording whnever i was shouting saying why u r doing like this... i feel like to die . I stay abroad and i get all thoughts.. why woman's life like this. why will not parents teach their son good things and to take the responsibilities? other hand i feel their parents are responsible less how would kids learn .. I have decided to terminate.. and not to bring another child and give them problems..
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2018
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Is your husband aware of this pregnancy ? Let him know your decision.

    I feel that you are not ready to leave this marriage. If you continue, be ready to face more accusations on this topic. If you continue in this marriage, do you think, killing the healthy baby help? Are you ready to kill your first child if you get a second chance. I am sure not. Its the same. Your second baby is already born. Being an educated and independent women you can manage if you want. At least your kid will have a sibling , you have another angel to love you

    Also be ready to face physical and emotional issues associated with termination. All I can say is think really well before taking a decision. Please don't take a hasty decision when you are sad , angry and frustrated ( your post reveals it . It is a life and death situation for your baby). Calm down and give a little bit of time, think well about all aspects and then decide. Anyway its your life, your baby, your body & your decision.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2018
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  7. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    I am certain that you are not taking this decision light. May you get the strength to face what life throws at you. Consider separation from your husband so that you can be free of expectations and negativity. Your daughter will also benefit from a happier mom. From the sound of it your husband is only namesake dad anyway.
     
  8. Happysoul15

    Happysoul15 New IL'ite

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    OP,
    You are educated and if you can raise the kids by yourself then I would say to have the second kid. You can get help from your family or hire a nanny to look after them. Its not the kids fault and I wouldn't punish them for your husband's and your mistakes.
     
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  9. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    I wont judge you for the choices you made. But what comes across from your post is that you are emotionally n mentally not strong enough to take a stand for yourself or be sure of your own decisions.

    I'm apalled knowing that when your relation is so worse where he beats you, doesnt respect you, doesnt tk care of your daughter ...how the hell did you get pregnant? I hope he didn't force himself upon you .
    Please dont kill the innocent life inside for your mistakes. Anyhow you don't seem to get out of this marriage...then what will you get by aborting the baby?
     
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