1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Please advice me how to proceed further

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by myproblems, Jan 2, 2010.

  1. myproblems

    myproblems New IL'ite

    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    Request you all to read the below mentioned problem in my life and kindly advice me.

    I am currently residing in US and 3+yrs back one of my colleague who was married by that time itself came to me and said so many things that he loves me a lot, even though i ignored all these things, he expressed the same in many ways. In short i can confirmedly say that he was just at my feet for accepting his love and also said many times that he doesnt like his wife and wanted to get rid of her/come out of his married life. He said he can sacrifice anything and everything for me. He gave enough confidence to me that he would marry me for sure. I still have all his mails expressing his love for me and also have many photos that we took together. Slowly I started loving him and accepted his love, and from that day when i accepted his love, i started loving him sincerely. He slowly started touching, kissing me and infact he had physical relation with me many times. I asked him many times about my future, he used to say that 'do not worry, i will marry you for sure.' When i asked about some assurance kind of thing, he used to shout at me and he said that if he cheats me it is equivalent to fuking his own mom. I really didnt think/imagine that one can say such things just for the sake of saying. I believed him after that a lot and literally i sacrificed many things of mine for him or just to get him in my life forever. When I got many good proposals, i simply said no to all of them, infact one proposal even the dates were also fixed but i ignored and said no to that as well. Like that i did so many sacrifices for him. He knows all those things very well. Even he played with my life.

    At one point of time, since i love him sincerely, I became very possessive about him and started imposing some conditions like he shouldnt touch his wife etc and insisted him to marry me ASAP. But he used to say that it will be difficult for him to create problems and get rid of her being in US, so started saying that he will go back to his native country in another 6months and will create problems there for his wife and will come out of the current married life. I accepted for that also but after a month or two, she became pregnant with which i was very much irritated and thought of disclosing this relation to his wife but he threatened me at that time saying that if i disclose this he would never marry me and after so many arguments he gave a lots of confidence that he will surely go back and come out of that life. And this time, he said that if his mom had physical relation with only one person and gave birth to him then definitely he would marry me, and he said that he will prove that.

    Last month he left back to his home town and after going there he is telling that he can not marry me and can't come out of that life. He had maintained relation with me for 3+yrs and now he is saying like this. I do not want continue with my life, very much depressed.

    Just a day before he left from US also he had physical relation with me, he cheated me like anything and now he is saying that I called him to have physical relation it seems and he told many times that he can't marry me it seems. But the truth is only once he said that he can't marry me but more than some 10000 times he said that he will marry me surely irrespective of the situations. I asked him if he doesnt have any intention of marrying me then why he had the physical relation with me just a day before he left from here. For that also he is telling that since i asked him to come to my place and since i asked him to be with me for sometime that day, he came and had physical relation it seems. I just asked him to be with me for sometime because i was very much upset that he was leaving that place. He cheated me.

    This kind of people will defintely play with others life also bcoz he will act a lot. Really, I feel like teaching him a lesson, he is not realising the pain he gave to me, so please advice or suggest me how to do this or whether i can reveal his true character to his wife, if she comes to know about him then only he will realise, because i know about her she will take off his prestige in frnt of everyone then he will understand what he did with me. now he is blaming character. Please advice me in taking revenge on him or teaching him a lesson or punishing him. He is enjoying a lot now with his family. He was very rude to me when i called him. Even in movies also they won't show this kind of people or mentalities. He is so worse.

    Thanks to all in advance.
     
    Loading...

  2. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    752
    Likes Received:
    119
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    I know you are in a very depressed state of mind. But honestly I think you were foolish in the first place to get involved with a married man no matter how enticing his advances were. Now you want to take revenge on his using his wife just because your ego is hurt badly. Think about how the wife would feel and that too right now she is pregnant. During your affair did you never feel guilty about breaking up another family? If you had married this man and he had been unfaithful to you how would you have felt ?? Sorry lady but I don't sympathize nor empathize with you. Karma catches up with everybody. Your best bet is to pick up the pieces and move on.

    Kavya.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2010
  3. indyudoy

    indyudoy Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Well, I understand your vengeance action you want to do with your ‘lover’ rather ‘ex-lover’. Teaching him a lesson is good thought but before such initiation of tutoring others, did you learn your lesson from this episode of your life? Girl, it’s time to move forward. You have put your life on hold so far for a married man by rejecting all the marriage alliances came in your way. By the way, please don’t say that ‘you had sacrificed many things in life on this relation’, you did not coz your lover has stolen not only your heart but your brain too! You already know that he's a liar because he's living a lie with his wife. How can you be sure whether you're the only "other woman" he has? Anyways, there is no point in doing blame-game at this juncture! End of the day, you had also spend good physical intimacy with him! Bygones are bygones! The most important relationship you'll ever have in this world is the one you have with yourself. So fall in love with someone who can make you first in his life.

    Regards,

    Indy
     
  4. saraswathi21st

    saraswathi21st New IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Please read this "My friend revealed something shocking to me" that I started in this forum to get advice from ladies here after my friend told me what all is happening in her life.

    You will get a good deal of advice and some sound hearing from wise ladies here. You should never have got involved in a married man's life. YOU ARE AT FAULT and please stop this revengeful feeling of yours. It will ruin your life and others too. Pick up from here and go ahead in your journey. You have made a mistake a really grave one and put a STOP to it. Please read how my friends lover reacted when the whole thing was exposed. You can see a reflection of your lover. They say......Revenge is sweet but its results are bitter.

    You were not innocent and you were not cheated.....JMO .....infact you cheated your lovers wife and you know very well he was married so why did you pursue this affair in the first place?????

    Saraswathi
     
  5. vimala1957

    vimala1957 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    25
    Gender:
    Female
    How could you think that a person who is cheating his wife would not cheat you? And being a woman, you should have at least thought about the plight of his wife, if she was deserted. As Kavya says, did you ever think of how that woman would have felt? Just imagine yourself in her place.
    It is strange to expect honesty from a deceiver and a cheat.

    Now instead of thinking of teaching him a lesson, wasting time and money and energy fighting someone in another country, divert your mind to constructive things, concentrate on your job, read good articles and if possible try helping children / aged people in need or some such good work. This will give you some peace of mind. It will take quite some time for you to forget the past, but you can try for sure.
    I don't think you would gain anything by trying to teach him a lesson.
     
  6. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,502
    Likes Received:
    301
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    i know how painful it is but
    when youstarted all this you know you were hindering a life of another gal also
    even if she good or bad it doesnt matter
    but you have stolen her husband
    now honestly
    lets say you call his wife and say her dh is bad
    she is a pregnant and you are harming her anyway unintentionally
    trust me may be she gives him divorise and he continues relationship with soemone or marries anyone else
    or lets say she fights for a while and adjusts with him again
    so basically here my suggestion is you go ahead with your life
    anyone will say you did the mistake too
    trusting him for 3 yrs common yaar how did you expect he will come with you
     
  7. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    755
    Likes Received:
    503
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I understand the pain you feel.But,try to think clearly. Do not to take emotional decisions. He was manipulative and played with your feelings for the past 3 yrs.

    If you want, you can waste your time and energy trying to figure out how to take revenge - either tell his wife, bad mouth him to people etc. Let us say that it works and his wife ditches him for cheating on her - what next??

    What will you get in return by doing all this? Stop wasting any more of your valuable time on this looser.He is simply not worth it.

    About teaching him a lesson - Just leave it to god !!! Someday he will pay back for what he has done to you.

    My suggestion - Leave this whole episode behind you move on with life!!!
    I understand that it is not going to be easy to get over a relationship of 3 yrs. Try to find ways to keep yourself busy and divert from feeling depressed about this. You can concentrate on career advancement, do some certifications or courses that may help, or else pursue some hobby etc to keep yourself busy. Take your time to get over this.You are a well-settled and educated single woman. Afterwards, may be your folks can start looking for good alliances for you.

    Move on and Live a happy life and behave like you just dont care about that guy anymore. That would be the best revenge.
     

Share This Page