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Please Advice ...Is this normal

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by radhika4m, Sep 5, 2007.

  1. radhika4m

    radhika4m New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    I have a feeling that my husband is thinking of someone else when we r making love. He likes imagining me to be someone else.

    For some reason I find it really weird, I want him to love me for who I am, rather than being physically being with me and mentally somewhere else

    Is this normal among men, what shud I do, please advice

    Radhika
     
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  2. malspie

    malspie Platinum IL'ite

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    Nothing wrong, just keep playing to his tunes, may be surprise him with a new sexy costume, some more sexy teases, he will calm down......... :2thumbsup:
     
  3. payalg

    payalg New IL'ite

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    Radhika,

    There are 2 things here

    a) Husband imagining something to get excited is normal. Men normally like geting aroused watching hot movies etc before doing it.

    b) But the second part is a concern, imagining someone else in the act doesnt sound normal to me

    Hopefully some of our more experienced members can advice better
     
  4. radhee

    radhee Bronze IL'ite

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    JayaV,

    Please do not give comments which will hurt the affected person. I feel your comment is very blunt and does not actually provide any answer to the question the lady had asked. People post their problems here out of frustration. We should see to it that we do not add more to that. My 2cents

    Radhee.



    Vaya[/quote]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2008
  5. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Radhika4m,

    Here in the US they say that it is v common for a man to image intimacy with celebrities and others.But i am not sure if this imagination is when they r alone or when they r intimate with their wife.
    I would suggest u to visit a marriage councilor either alone or with ur husband and believe me it will solve a lot of such minor hiccups in marriage.

    Take care dear friend and do trust in urself and ur power of being a woman.

    suji
     
  6. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

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    JayaV,

    This is one of the most absurd comment I have come across in the IL forum.
    First of all ur id shows that u have become a member v recently (i guess yesterday just to reply to this question,i may be wrong also).
    This is ur first post.But still u know so much abt radhika's problem from past.
    This shows that u were just a ghost reader till now coming to IL just to read others problems like gossip and to pass time.And the first time u have posted a reply and how hurtful u r to the person in distress.
    What does ur post mean,y are u trying to bring other elements in the query when the person herself has not mentioned it.
    If u can not be gud to others atleast stop playing with their emotions.It might be momentary sadistic pleasure for u but the person in question will suffer a lot.
    I hope some senior members read ur post and give u a fitting reply for hurting an innocent girl.

    suji
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2008
  7. diana

    diana Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Radhika,

    I read a similar incidence when I used to read Women's Era in India. A lady had put a complaint with a Doctor complaining that her hubby would always say some or the other heroine's name when he was physical with her. And this would make her angry.

    I still remember what the doctor replied to her, he said ' you too name some heroes, when you are physical with him and this would give him a jolt. Cos no man likes to share his wife with anyone, not physically nor mentally'. Big Laugh

    I hope you can try this too.

    All the best
    Diana
     
  8. payalg

    payalg New IL'ite

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    I think men like to fantasize. I know who gets my husband hot :) . I do feel jealous at times but you know as long it is just a thought and he is not doing anything u shud let it go

    There are too many serious issues in life to focus on, I would just pass this one if I were you provided he makes u happy at the end :)))))))
     
  9. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Nope.. its not normal in a healthy sexual marriage.

    A person should love you intimately for what you are. He should be aroused by you and not by someone else. Then whats the point of marriage yeah?

    People take SEX very casually, but they miss the point that its a very important bond in a marriage and it should be enjoyed by both truly. Deep in your heart, I can understand the pain that you are not able to satisfy your husband for what you are. Its not your fault sweetie, its just his action that make you feel that way :) As years goes by, it will just grow and its not good for your relationship.

    Not during sex.. but during foreplay or just while caressing, just casually talk to him.. ask him whats that he loves he you... ask him to tell you how he admires you. During sex.. ask him to tell your name.. tell him thats what you like and its a turn on for you. Tell him politely that you want to be the dreamgirl in his life.. be possessive nothing wrong.. its your husband :) tell him your feelings.. tell him to think in your shoes.. what if you imagine a hot hulk like leo decaprio ;) be very sensitive.. atleast act sensitive.. so that he understands that it hurts..

    As someone earlier suggested here, try to find new adventures and surprise him. Buy some dresses that he might have not even thought for a second that you would wear ;) Make him realize that you are trying your part and whatever fantasies is not sitting well with you. Can I be more blunt, please dont take it in the wrong sense, I am just trying to tell you as much explicitly as possible...Never ever let him fantasize someone else.. it just indirectly means hes not aroused by you.. You are just the tool and the enjoyment is provided by someone else.

    hope this fantasy goes away from your life ASAP :)
     
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  10. radhika4m

    radhika4m New IL'ite

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    I keep hearing conflicting things on this and I am so confused. I was discussing this with a friend of mine and she told me that she and her husband do that pretty often. She said imagining someone else keeps their sexual life active

    My only problem is my husband and I dont do it together. For me its him and for him I am someone else

    I think I may to consult a therapist to see if this is normal
     

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