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Playground Fight Between 4 Year Olds

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by NeerjaC, May 22, 2018.

  1. NeerjaC

    NeerjaC Silver IL'ite

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    I take my kids to a playground near my home that has a number of different structures consisting of slides, swings etc. On this day, we’d gotten there fairly early and then other kids started coming in. I noticed 3 kids who were probably between 4 and 5 years old, playing near the slides and the only reason that I noticed them was because one of them (PK) was growling at another kid (SK) and kept threatening to beat him up. PK came to the playground with his mum and SK was there with a carer but they were sitting on the benches on the opposite side of the slides, so couldn’t clearly see/hear what was going on. PK and SK had apparently had a playdate the day before that had gone really well. But today, it seemed as if SK did not want to play with PK. There was another girl with them (RK) who was there with her granddad and didn’t have a clue what was going on but she started out playing with SK (which is what seems to have ticked PK off) and then stayed away as the drama got more serious.
    So anyway, I noticed PK growling and threatening this other kid and initially I kinda smiled at him and shared an amused look with RK’s granddad (who at one point had to tell PK to back off). But after a while I realized this kid was serious and got a little nervous. My own kids were blissfully unaware and were playing on their own.
    PK’s mum eventually intervened and got the boys separated. I wasn’t paying too much attention since I was keeping an eye on my own kids. Eventually everyone ended up towards the front of the slides where there was a seating area. I was sitting down with my kids since they were taking a break from playing to have water and snacks. So on one side was me and my kids and on the other side was PK, his mum, SK , his carer and another little girl who was around 2 years old and blissfully unaware of the drama going on around her. PK’s mum was sitting with PK and SK and grilling SK on why he wouldn’t play with him, they had a playdate just yesterday and everything was fine etc. After a while she started telling me the same thing.
    ‘I don’t know what’s going on, they were playing fine yesterday, today they don’t want play together.’
    Not wanting to get too involved, I said, ‘you know what kids are like, best friends one day and fighting the next and best friends again the day after.’
    ‘Nope’, I was informed, ‘in this case it was different. SK was being mean to PK by not playing with him.’
    All this time, PK is wandering around with bunched up fists, saying he is mad and he is going to hit someone. Eventually he punched SK in the stomach in front of everyone. I was shocked beyond words. PK’s mum took SK to one side and said to him ‘this is all your fault, why didn’t you play with him, you should apologise etc. ‘
    All while this poor kid was bawling his eyes out because he’d just been punched in the stomach by PK and the grown ups had done nothing to stop him but instead were blaming SK.
    And then PK’s mum started talking to the SK’s carer. She said, ‘this wont affect our friendship, I still want to keep in touch, I just don’t want any more playdates with SK, I can’t believe he wont even apologise to my son etc.’
    SK’s carer said,’ he won’t apologise because that is how he was raised’. I don’t know if SK heard her or not but at this point I just felt so sorry for him. All because he wouldn’t play with PK.
    PK’s mum kept trying to make excuses to me about how he was a great boy etc. I just picked up my kids and decided to leave because she was then trying to get her son to play with my daughter. On the way out, she took my number (I have no idea why I didn’t just say no) and promised to text me to arrange a playdate with my daughter and PK. They live a short distance from us.
    I’m not sure if I handled it correctly. My own kids witnessed some of the drama but didn’t seem too perturbed by it. But I felt so bad for SK, he simply wanted to play with other kids and the grown ups were simply too overbearing about it all and PK’s mum did nothing to control him, especially after he punched this poor kid. I was a bystander but should I have intervened? I’m not really confrontational so I don’t even know what I could have said, just feeling a little sad that SK had no one to stand up for him. I also wish I hadn't given her my phone number, no idea what I'll do if she ever does text me to arrange a play date (I really don't want my kids to be playing her kid!)
     
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  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel sad that you being an adult did nothing to help SK. The carer also has to be replaced.
    as for playdate with pk, you can just ignore if the mom messages you.
     
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  3. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Feel sorry for sk. All said and done some elders like pk's mom can be more empathetic and fair . I really don't know what else to say but the world seems unfair. More protection is to be given to children by parents and guardian(child care person). Children (especially around 3 to 10)should be made to confide important things to mom or dad. Even teens should confide various things to mom or dad. This may help the kids. 0 to 2 year kids need constant attention by elders . This will help parents to take care of kids emotional well being and overall well being.
     
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  4. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Everything was sounding normal in this story except from where the mother got involved about SK being mean, blaming him n saying it's his fault, the carers attitude, not stopping her own son or correcting him instead of finding excuses for him n pass the blame.

    "Kids" are generally like that. They can be moody, they will like one friend today, another tomorrow, fight now, play a minute later, they are kids. SK does not deserved to be punched, n worse, blamed for not playing with PK. He can play with whoever he wants. It's normal kids behaviour. I wouldn't blame SK or PK here, they are kids.

    PKs mom should have diverted her son to other friends or other games or play area.
    SKs carer should have noticed the other kid after him n been careful or moved him away.

    What can be done now ?
    If SKs parents learns this, they might make some way to rectify this n the attitude of the carer.
    PK is just another kid to play with as long as that overbearing mom isn't around who likes blaming others. Till she's there, PK will manage to do anything n get away with it without an effort n the victim gets blamed.
    If SK is left at the mercy of people like this, then he will start getting tougher on his own in another few years.
    Hope his parents finds all this n does the right thing.

    Don't respond if you don't want to arrange a play date. Just say you are busy, will let you know, I will confirm later, hubby is sensitive, he doesn't like, bla bla, u can come up with a million reasons. If she tries to bully you at the park, blame it on the husband or the kid or even with not interested to play with boys or older kids or any reasons. But plan it in your head n be ready next time.
     
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  5. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Very sad and disturbing scene. 4 adults in the park OP ,SKs caretaker ,PKs mom and RKs granddad and not one stood up for a kid who was punched in the stomach.
    Even more worrisome is the reaction of the caretaker. She was supposed to take care of the kid.
    If I were you I will hunt down the name and address of SKs parents...tell them about the incident in the park and let them decide what they want to do about it. Playdate with PKs child would be the last on my worries. Its an easily avoidable problem. A simple sorry wont work suffices 99% of the time.
     
  6. Greenbay

    Greenbay Gold IL'ite

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    Nothing very dramatic. They are 4 years old for crying out loud and not some 14/15 year kids involved in a brawl. True, PK’s mom overreacted. But give her a benefit of doubt that may be she was having a rough day. Kids do not remember any of these things till they are 6 year old, so PK/RK/SK will all be fine within a day but moms/grand dad/silent spectator are making a mountain out of molehill from a very small incident in my opinion.
     
  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    I also felt the parents should come to know about it.
     
  8. NeerjaC

    NeerjaC Silver IL'ite

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    Unfortunately this was the first time I'd met them, they said they go to the park everyday but this was only my second time since I tend to do other activities with my kids so we'll go to the park maybe once a week. So even if I'd wanted to, I have no way of following up with the parents..
     
  9. NeerjaC

    NeerjaC Silver IL'ite

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    I strongly disagree. Just because adults have bad days, this does not make it OK for them to treat children in the way that I witnessed SK being treated.
    And since when is a kid getting punched in the stomach, and not being comforted for it, considered to be a mountain out of a molehill?! This isn't about mollycoddling kids, this is a very serious issue about physical bullying that was witnessed by numerous adults and dealt with very badly and yes, I am including myself with those adults too!!
    The more I think about it, the more I wish I'd said something or at least made sure the kid was OK.
     
  10. NeerjaC

    NeerjaC Silver IL'ite

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    I agree, the more I think about it, the more ashamed I feel that I didn't speak up or at least made sure that the child was OK. I was far too focused on getting my kids away from all the drama, we simply left as soon as we were able to...
     

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