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PlayDate with American Kids

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Mahisneha, Mar 15, 2010.

  1. Riyasmommy

    Riyasmommy Silver IL'ite

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    Vanathi, maybe it's a good thing to not be as paranoid, makes life easier I guess. I am always on high alert when it comes to Riya (heard way too many stories about kidnapping, molestations etc. here as well as in India). Also Riya and I lead a very busy social life - so to speak. :) We have church activities, playgroups at parks, malls and at friends' house, MOPS - I watch her like a hawk but at the same time provide her the freedom and fun experiences she should have. Now if we ever move closer to my brother or if he moves here to the US, I won't have any qualms about letting Riya have sleepovers with her cousins.

    I have friends who were either abused as a child or who have kids (boys and girls) in the family who were abused by close friends and family and you know what one common thing they all say? - "of course we knew things like these happen all the time, but I/we never though it could happen to me/us!". I think that is what made a huge impact on me and I never take a chance thinking it could never happen to us.

    So, if Riya were a boy, or if I have a boy next, I think I will still be as vigilant and will still hold on to the same opinion about sleepovers.

    Nitha, I agree. If push comes to shove (culturally speaking), I will let Riya play at her friends' house (only if I am very comfortable with the family) say an hour after bedtime and then go pick her up. Even when she's 6 or even 10, an hour after bedtime to spend at her friends' house will be a special treat for her, and it will be like a sleepover adventure.

    Raj
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2010
  2. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Only one thing to say - I was abused as a child myself so no I dont think it could never happen to me or my son and I do know from my own experience how easily it can happen. I wont go into details here but for me it happened in a situation where I was being supervised by my mom - it still happened nevertheless. In spite of all that I still believe in trusting people rather than not. As always thats only my opinion - no intention of judging anyone else.

    V.
     
  3. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    Hugs to you, V, you are simply too marvelous with your outlook in life. The only we way one can keep the children safe is having them 24x7 under the nose and that is going to be so not healthy for the child.
    I thought of sleepover with friends as something unnecessary because I really do not see what purpose it served! Maybe it serves the purpose of children having fun.
    I still wonder if I will agree to one at first grade though. I am not anxious to bring about this kind of "independence", but if DS seems ready for it then it is not my job to hold on. Hmmm... writing it down here and reading the responses makes me understand why I feel about certain things a certain way. Thanks mamas.
     
  4. Riyasmommy

    Riyasmommy Silver IL'ite

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    Sorry to hear that Vanathi, and kudos to your positive outlook towards life despite your negative experiences. I can only imagine what your mom must have felt! No, there's no way to tell what can happen, even under your own very nose. I know that I can never keep my child(ren) safe enough, and that's why I pray over them every night. That's all I can do. I do trust people easily too but not when it comes to Riya.

    I think there are many, many ways to have fun and have the same experiences of freedom, without doing sleepovers at friends. It's just that one concept I don't understand how it can be so important and I do think it is totally unnecessary - again that's where I come from and what life has taught me.


    Raj
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2010
  5. Nitha J

    Nitha J IL Hall of Fame

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    V; K and R
    I am really proud of all of us. We are strong women. We have strong convictions on certain things ; we do believe in our opinions; not intimidated to voice it and we all have common end; the best for our LO's. Hope we all achieve what we yearn; as a parent and as a human.
    Well; in the twilight years we can ruminate over it sitting in besant nagar beach. Sorry I won't accompany y'll to marina beach. It smells:)))
    -Nitha
     
  6. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    Nitha, you are really funny, ya know. BTW, in our twilight years we may not be able to go to any of the beaches at all - the sleepovers maybe in the beaches going by the trend ;-)
     
  7. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Actually Krithi , from my own experience, even keeping your children in plain sight all the time does not guarantee that CSA will not happen. That is why I feel that while supervision is necessary, education is far more important. CSA happened to me while I was taught swimming in a public swimming pool in plain view of 20 or so kids and their parents. NO one knew what was going on and I was completely clueless about it myself; all I knew was that the coach was doing something funny, but it didnt hurt or anything and no one around me seemed to be bothered so I just thought it was ok (I was a naive 8). It was years and years later that I realized that what happened to me was CSA! My mom never knew anything about it and I havent discussed it with anyone until now. So I feel that the only way to prevent something like that from happening to other kids is education - teach them what is acceptable and what isnt and how to inform an adult if something were to happen. Esp for older kids this is the only thing that will keep them safe.


    :biglaugh That ends that awful topic on a nice note...

    V.
     
  8. Pavarun

    Pavarun Silver IL'ite

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    Same here V - I too have had bad experiences as a child, but still feel the way I do. I totally agree with Nitha - it is interesting how our life experiences shape up our convictions. BTW, count me in too for the beach get togethers or sleepovers when our kids decide they need "more space" :)
     

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