PlayDate with American Kids

which school is that krithika? pls share in the chennai schools forum, would be interesting to discuss.

 

Looks like I'm the odd one out here but I really dont see anything wrong with the occassional sleep-over (for kids over 7-8 that is). I didnt do sleep-overs with friends when I was growing up but my cousins and I spent so many nights at each others houses and we loved it. If I knew the other family reasonably well I wouldnt mind at all.

Krithi - never heard of school-sleepovers before though.

V.

 

V, I'm with you as well. I too used to spend nights with cousins and had so much fun. If you know the other family well, the children will have a good time. Of course the trick is to find that balance between trust and safety. We had P's best friend for a weekend when the child's mom was delivering her second baby and P considers that weekend the best time in his life!

 

I have not heard of that yet. Not even here it the US!

Vanathi, sleep overs at family is perfectly fine, I used to love my sleepovers and extended stays at my cousins'. I do have problems with sleep overs at friends' though - there's a practice here to have sleepovers and camping out at a friend's house on weekends which I am totally against. Even if I know mom and dad well, I wouldn't know who all their friends and family are, and who visits them regularly etc. I guess I am a little paranoid that way.

I like what you said Sindhu, finding the perfect balance between trust and safety. Riya has been picked up by two of my girlfriends during the day when I was sick and I trusted them with her, knew exactly where they were going etc. but even with them I won't do nights, unless there's an absolute life and death emergency. I guess I have issues with trusting people when it comes to Riya.

Raj

 

Raj;
Nice to find someone in same boat
Sindhu and Vanathi;
I was talkning about sleep-overs at friends place. We really don't know what sort of persons are in their household. Even sending to cousin's place I have reservations and would avoid it if I can. I am the kill-joy) But serious note; CSA's are very common now.
-Nitha

 

But Nitha I really dont think CSAs are any commoner than they used to be - its only that we are more aware of them now. Similiarly for waht Raj said - I dont really feel the need to know or personally vet every single person my child comes in contact with but thats just me. (Please note I'm talking only about when A is older not right now). I guess I fall more towards the "trusting" (or perhaps stupidly naive ) side of the spectrum on this issue.

V.

 

Just struck me - is this beacuse I have a boy (and so does Sindhu) and you two have girls?

V.

 

V/Sindhu, I did stay in a joint family and therefore did very little sleepovers - we did spend a few days of vacation in the cousin's homes. But never a social sleepover. The first time I did that was in College and that too not a sleepover, but a marathon all-nighters to finish projects.
V, K is a boy and from my friends' circle/reporting I do know that abuse of boys is just as common. It is not that I fear safety of the child, but seems like such an unnecessary thing to do. Obviously no mom will leave a child with someone they are not completely comfortable. If it was a trip or a Scouts jamboree after the child is 10, I get it.
Asha, I know of at least 4 schools in Chennai that do it. It seems to be becoming more common

 

Krithi - Of course boys get abused just as much if not more than girls. I was only wondering if parents tend to be more careful (perhaps completely subconsciously) with girls? And to me such sleepovers would be part of the fun of being a child. I had great friends as a child and I know that if sleepovers had been a common thing then I would have absolutely loved them - hence my POV that they are completely ok.

V.

 

V;
Even if next one is a boy; I would have the same attitude But not this extreme maybe.
Remember Vikram Seth came "out of closet" during a sleepover . No..no I don't mean to say sleepover encourages the exploration of sexual curiosity. I have stayed in hostels my major part of life; so it would be slandering myselves)
Once I feel the kids (future one added) are bold enough to say NO or close enough to "report" it me then maybe I would consider it . Well; I had a close- brush with "what would have lead to CSA" and I know abusers are wolves in sheeps cloth's. It will take you by surprise. So now you know where my sceptism comes from.
I seriously think sleep-overs are un necessary. I never could understand what purpose does a sleepover have? If it is fun; let kids till play till dark and after that come back home to sleep in your bed rather than sleeping at a friends place.
Fun vs. avoiding possible threats (including safety and CSA); I would choose the second one in a wink
-Nitha