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PIL's not being true on financial aspects

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by daringcaring, Sep 29, 2011.

  1. daringcaring

    daringcaring New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Back on IL after a long time.Before I explain about what is eating my head let me give you a small bkgnd about where it all started.

    Mine was an arrange marriage thru internet.Unknown families but DH and I spoke for few weeks and got along and decided to get married.My PIL don't have a house of their own but my DH had a bought a site when we met and he said his dad sold all his property and given him 13L and the remaining 27L my DH pitched in for all his savings.

    Most of the talking between the 2 families while we were deciding upon getting married happ b.w my mom and m-i-l.I have heard my m-i-l tell innumerous times that they are completely dependent on my DH as they have sold all their property and given him the money since they would be staying with us.Even after marriage my m-i-l kept saying we are dependent on DS.

    To make a long story short: We started the house construction on the site after enough blackmail from PiL .DH and I took loan to build the house.All the decisions starting from design to interiors was done by PiL.I kept quiet since they were so excited about "their" house and they also have given money for the land.So house is done and we all have moved in.

    My b-i-l moved in with his wife recently.Theirs was a love marriage and within 2 months of marriage they had issues and considered divorce.This freaked out my PiL's and became scared of their younger d-i-l.They would do whatever she said after that.My b-i-l started searching for a property to buy.He's doing pretty average in his career and has not much savings like my DH did.Sometime back my m-i-l told that since f-i-l has given DH 13L for land he will give 10L to their DS2.I didn't pay much attention to that.Now after this issue with DS2 and his wife...PiL felt their marriage might be saved if DS2 had a property.So f-i-l said he'll give DS2 20L.

    This is where I felt hurt.When f-i-l had money and he could have been independent...instead of giving money to DS1 and DS2 he could have built a house for himself.

    I have these questions in my mind

    1.Why did they tell my parents b4 marriage that they have sold all their property and given to DH and that is the reason they will be staying with him after retirement.

    2.Why did they behave as though they are completely dependent on DH.This has really impacted the decision making in the house construction.They forced both of us to take such big housing loans that it will take us many years to clear it and we cannot think of building another house.I was not even considered in decision making and I feel like a fool now giving them full independence during the construction.I really don't like the house we were been asked to build...i feel so bad about it that!

    3.How did my retired f-i-l suddenly spring up 20L for DS2 in span of 3 years.Why wasn't DH aware about this?? Are they lying about their finance to their son who is taking care of them and has done so much for them?

    I wrote a big strong mail to DH about what I felt and told him I feel cheated by your parents in this matter.I am not against them giving money to DS2.All the excuses of being financially dependent on DH was just to fulfill their dreams at our cost...and at times even at the cost of our married life.

    When they expect DH to be clear in his finance and want to know wherabouts of each and every saving or investment,the least I expected was frankness and truthfulness about the financial aspects that one needs to keep when we all are living together.

    DH got angry and frustrated and said its better I die then all problems will be solved,broke down and started crying( which melted my heart).Then I told him clearly that I just want to know why did your parents pretend to be financially dependent on us...he said it doesn't matter to me that they are financially dependent on us..if you want to know then go and ask them directly.

    DH and I have currently moved out the city on work for a year but then this has been going on in my mind and I feel bad when I think of it.I felt I should my in-laws the mail I had written to DH in detail.I am very frank with my in-laws.If I have any problem I tell it directly and not keep in my heart.They also know my nature.But this has been really bothering me for months now and I have lost all faith and trust in them.
     
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