Piece Of Mind...

Dear ILs,


I have been married for almost 5 years and have a 3 year old son, having issues with ILs right after my wedding.. Things got pretty worse and now my H and I have been staying in a different house for almost a year and half now, and this is close to my mother's place. This did not go well with fil. he was not happy about the fact that we will be staying close to my parent's place. MIL was OK with it. Right from the beginning she wanted us to stay separately, which now seems pretty evident after a series of events happening. H has always been supportive of me. FIL somehow doesn’t feel happy seeing us happy, so trying to manipulate H's mind and thinking to create a rift between us( not very sure though, they do not know that I have got a hint of this ). MIL indirectly mentioned on a couple of occasions about FILs's intentions and not being straight forward. I did not take these seriously then since I had issues with MIL and felt that she was trying to manipulate me. About FIL- he used to work in a senior position in a bank and retired few weeks before my delivery ( this is when all the issues started popping up and became very evident). He tends to lead a very dignified and posh lifestyle. He talks to people in a very goody-goody way and everyone feels he is very nice and he is in everyone’s good books. More like a hypocrite for me. Nobody would ever have any clue or even think in the wildest of their dreams that he can have another persona. OK, coming to the turn of events.. we recently visited Tirupati for darshan with my parents and sister’s family. My husband was very happy about it and was even planning what else can be done during the trip. He even told me to pack his dhoti which is mandatory during darshan. Everything was going well till we started from here. He started behaving in a very weird way once we reached there. He did not want to stay in the accommodation booked by my parents for no valid reason, which was still fine. He was unnecessarily delaying getting ready to leave the hotel, just like he wanted to create hurdles. Again when we went to the temple he told me to go inside the temple and he would not join. After creating a huge scene, he came inside, which was very embarrassing for all us. When we came back, his cousins were meeting up, for which he did not want me to join. Somehow after a lot of convincing he was ok with me going there. Next FIL was travelling out of town and he spoke to him. He immediately calls MIL and asks her to come and stay at our place, which I’m ok. But since I have something else that was pre-planned with my parents I told her to come in the evening instead of noon which she was absolutely fine. I told H to ask me once before inviting home to check if I have some other plans. He got wild saying it is my home I can invite anyone anytime I don’t have to ask your permission. If MIL is coming let her come home and stay, you can go where you want and come back. To me, this is like not treating the guest well. He says it their house also so you need not treat them like guests. I would not have had a problem with this either if things had gone smoothly from the beginning. Since I am not working now, H gives me some money every month and he does not ask me what I do with it. I guess fil has got to know about this and H is transferring the amount after me asking few times. All this has been happening after FIL brainwashes H. I do not want to share everything with my parents since my mother is ill and any kind of stress will only deteriorate her health. I even thought of separating from H. but this did not seem to be feasible solution considering my DS’s future. H feels bad about all he has done and repents for it. He is a nice person but can easily give-in to everything fil says. should I really budge and give-in? what is a better way to handle this diplomatically without straining my relation with H.

sorry for the long post.

 

Possible.. but I don't see any reason why he should feel so, if it is financial insecurity.. I am a SAHM.. so I'm usually at home. Even after being treated the way I was or even my parents were, I still give them their due respect.. which I doubt anyone else who was in my situation would.. so there should not be any reason for them to feel insecure.

 

Yes exactly!
So I was actually looking at how they should be handled diplomatically without straining my relationship with dh.... At the moment I can sense they are trying to create misunderstanding between us.. looks like sadistic pleasure to me. There is not a great chemistry existing between ILs.. they don't share a good bond. So they don't want us to be at peace.. but dh won't take it if I tell him all this. He doesn't encourage their behaviour if he gets to know about it. But fil will make sure he doesn't get a hint of it either. Any pointers on how to handle this..