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Physical Intimacy With Spouse

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by Anusha2917, Sep 7, 2019.

  1. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you ladies for the replies and understanding . I have collected a few points from your options.
     
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  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Anusha, I am not surprised that you feel this way . Physical intimacy has a negative connotation for you because it is associated with the failure to conceive. Start looking at intimacy as a way to connect yourself with your wonderful supporting spouse on a deeper level.
    The other important solution is to reach a certain level of acceptance of the situation, for both of you. You should talk to him about this. If he needs more time , be patient and give him the time. But keep that physical connection going.

    You seem to have a mature outlook towards life and have managed to keep your sense of humor intact ( I always look forward to your responses to posts). This tells me you will be fine and will lead a wonderful, fulfilling life !!! I wish you the very best .
     
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  3. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    you have got great posts.

    have you considered adoption like infant adoption. i am in no way to judge or force anything, it is just an idea.
     
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  4. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Off topic - but seriously people need to stop pushing adoption - as an 'idea'. Do you really believe OP has never heard of 'adoption'? and unless someone told them, the couple hasnt thought of it?

    This is exactly like asking couples - when they will have kids or saying you should have them soon - like as if they will forget unless someone mentions it to them or they might not have heard of the 'idea' until then.

    Its plain insensitive.
     
  5. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Yes.. My parents are very supportive of that decision of mine but not my in laws and husband. Even if in laws are not okay I can go against them and do it. But when my husband himself is not okay with it how to proceed? Unless it comes from him I have decided to not to have any further discussion on adoption .
     
  6. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Hugs..... I dont think you owe an explanation to anyone for why you are or not adopting. Its a deeply personal question and you hardly know the answer for yourself.
    Besides , most people who think they are giving a 'brilliant' solution to adopt - have no idea how many things need to line up for an adoption to go through and also potential parenting challenges that could arise afterwards on top of the regular ones.

    My sincere request to anyone reading this, if you want to actually support someone going through a difficult time, please please learn what NOT TO SAY. Its ok if you dont have a solution to their problem, that is not expected. But please don't say insensitive things.
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Anusha - I’ve not undergone fertility issues so if whatever I type below is irrelevant, please ignore.
    Maybe you need to stop charting and tracking and making it a job for a couple of months. What’s 2/3 months in the grand scheme of things? Take a break and take care of yourself. Maybe go in a vacation - revisit your honeymoon spot if possible. With the treatment and all the associated meds, the charting and prepping, the sheer amount of planning that goes into all this, that too for extend periods of time, you have made this association. Take a break and help build the intimacy and some spontaneity. In long standing marriages, often times the spontaneity goes away after a while. It does take some work to have sparks flying years after getting together and it’s mostly outside of the bedroom. Vacations, date nights, movies, staycations etc all help. While on a date, it’s best to make a pact beforehand that you won’t talk about hot button topics like the treatment or babies or parents etc. You’ve had a lot of fun times together and can come up with a lot of things you can talk about. It not only helps intimacy but also helps strengthen your bonding. All couple should spend time with each other by themselves preferably outside the house at least once or twice a month.
    If you guys have things you do together - watch movies, play a game, workout etc, that’s another way to bond. At such times, it’s best to not talk about the treatment and it’s progress etc.

    Good Luck Anusha! You’ve got this.
     
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  8. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    You need to understand 1 thing very clear megha. You are the not ORIGINAL POSTER. If a person posts a request for opinion, there will be inputs. It is upto the person to take it or leave.

    threads like yours is where a total new person who is not related to the question takes that personally and attacks and starts a new FLAME war is what ruins .

    i have had no cruel or bad intention on just writing my idea.

    if you feel that this thread should be how to bring spark in marriage, then this is just one of those million threads. watch youtube, google has million links.


    i view such requests as brainstorming


    Please avoid finger pointing to answers to questions which are not asked by you.

    FYI. My own brother is adopted, so i know how it works.
     
  9. Murano

    Murano Guest

    forget the end result. if it happens, it happens.

    romance is the key. just enjoy, have fun with your crazy dance.

    you have got over the ambition, that's what you say so, but may not be yet. hubby senses that and is determined to fulfill your wishes, hence he is trying hard to make you happy.

    just romance both of you and if it happens, good. the chances of happening accidentally while romancing is more than actually trying for it.

    both of you have to just forget the end result and enjoy the process. best wishes yo you.
     
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  10. deeparull

    deeparull Silver IL'ite

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    Hi
    These are quite normal and nothing to be worried about it. Why dont you just take a break for just 1 to 2 months.. from seriously trying. Sometimes things happen when we least expect it. I mean become intimate out of love and not for a kid.
     
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