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Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018.

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  1. Dec 10, 2018 #1
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    I love people. I always loved people. Today I am scared of them.

    I had a friend. A friend whom I know since my teens. Knew her through family connections. Her dad and mine were flatmates since their bachelor days. When her parents got married, my parents and hers were extremely close. I got to know her very well over time. She moved to my city about a decade ago. We grew closer.

    I have been inundated at work recently. I have not been at my best. She was travelling a lot. We were not in regular contact. She moved to another country. I invited her for lunch a few times. She told me she was busy with packing. So I let her be. She asked me to go meet her with a bunch of other people whom I did not know on her last day here. I was unable to do because of my being unwell.

    Recently I asked her how she was doing. I got cryptic one line answers. I asked if there was a problem. She said we had grown apart and why should she be in contact from where she was! I was in deep shock. I tried communicating. No response. On her birthday I sent her birthday wishes. She just sent two words - Thanks Satchi. So I decided to let go. I have not shut the door. I know who has grown apart but not why. It is certainly not I.

    Another friend whom I know since the first decade of my life used to behave strangely for a long time. I did not bother about her. Of late she is being extremely sweet. I don't know what to make of it. I am putting myself out there and taking it at face value. But honestly, I am scared. I don't know anymore what to make of people. Maybe I am a bad judge.

    As for myself. I am practising "If you love something, let it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was."
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2018
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
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  2. Dec 10, 2018 #2
    jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    This is the way world works. One of my close friends since childhood who invited me for the marriage of her two daughters and introduced me to all the guests as childhood friend, has suddenly gone apart.Does not answer my calls.Her health too has much deteriorated.Was in ICU for a month.But that may not be the real reason. People develop sometype of aversion to anyone as age advances.
    As you say one of my cousins who was rough and tough earlier has seasoned,visits me, greets me often.She has become much matured.
    We have to accept the changes in others , and at best know what not to do more than what we should do.
    Jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, Dec 10, 2018
    jayasala42, Dec 10, 2018
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  3. Dec 10, 2018 #3
    satchitananda

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    Thanks for the prompt response Ma'am. So true. We should know what not to do more than what we should do. I am trying to learn to avoid excessive emotional investment in people. It does not come easily though.
     
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
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  4. Dec 10, 2018 #4
    Amulet

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    Perhaps people are preparing to renounce their attachments in order to cleanse themselves before they go on to their ultimate destination. Giving up their people-attachments could be part of that scheme. For many (such as yourself;)), people are hard to give up; instead they give up somethings they had loved all their lives: food items, coffee, alcohol or tobacco.

    All one can do is to say::ciao:
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2018
    Amulet, Dec 10, 2018
    Amulet, Dec 10, 2018
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  5. Dec 10, 2018 #5
    satchitananda

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    I can well understand that Amulet. But is there any need to be rude or hurtful in order to cut off people?
     
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
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  6. Dec 10, 2018 #6
    Amulet

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    When giving up (renouncing an attachment, as it were) what is given up will stay that way if the sum of all rudeness, hurtfulness, and finality-of-it-all, is maximized. Otherwise, the novice giver-upper may be concerned that s/he might slip back into attachment.

    People who have erstwhile BFF in their life history, as well as trainee-nuns/novices know this to be a fact of renunciation. For those who are at the receiving end of rudeness there is but one option: recognize that one is becoming less relevant in the other party's life, accept that, and move on.
    You can also practice "what doesn't come back, and didn't kill me, makes me stronger".

    BFF = best friend forever. :rolleyes:
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2018
    Amulet, Dec 10, 2018
    Amulet, Dec 10, 2018
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  7. Dec 10, 2018 #7
    Amulet

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    Come now.... you drew the opposite conclusion from your experience.
    In fact, you can/must go on diversifying your emotional investments in people.
    That way, you'd have enough people (not giving up on you) all the time.

    And if an occasional someone gives up on you, well... haven't you heard of cardio exercises ? The larger and more diversified your emotional investment, the likelihood that you'd have a strong heart would increase.

    Be YOU, and enjoy.
     
    Amulet, Dec 10, 2018
    Amulet, Dec 10, 2018
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  8. Dec 10, 2018 #8
    jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Satchi,
    I can very well understand what you are saying. I remembered few of my friends who cut me off just like that. We were like siblings growing together. I still want to ask them Y. How come you can be like this ? But the relationship remains unsettled and it will be nice if I get a closure. It will help us move on.
    This is golden. My mantra too.
     
    jskls, Dec 10, 2018
    jskls, Dec 10, 2018
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  9. Dec 10, 2018 #9
    satchitananda

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    Agree. I thought I was stronger already, but maybe I still I have some way to go. I am half way there. Had this happened 20 years ago, I would probably have gone to pieces. This time I have been able to let go (although I wish she had just had the courtesy to give me a reason - justified or otherwise - for what she calls "growing apart") but am sure this is one more experience towards becoming stronger.
     
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
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  10. Dec 10, 2018 #10
    satchitananda

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    Thanks Lakshmi. Yes, there is no other option and there is also no use going to pieces because certain people make certain choices.
     
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
    satchitananda, Dec 10, 2018
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