Pay In A Different Coin

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Thyagarajan, Oct 22, 2020.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Shayam and Ram loved Meera. They both wanted to marry her.
    Meera was confused and consulted an astrologer to find out who is going to be lucky.
    The astrologer contemplated for s while, said: Shayam is lucky. Ram will marry you.
     
  2. Thyagarajan

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    Micro short stories.

    (1) Those who had coins, enjoyed in the rain. Those who had notes, were busy looking for shelter.
    (2) Man and God both met somewhere. Both exclaimed, "My creator."
    (3) He asked, are you a Hindu or Muslim? The response came, "I am hungry"!
    (4) The fool didn't know it was impossible. So he did it.
    (5) "Wrong number," Said a familiar voice.
    (6) What if God asks you after you die, "So how was heaven?"
    (7) They told me that to make her fall in love I had to make her laugh. But every time she laughs, I am the one who falls in love."
    (8) We don't make friends anymore. We Add them nowadays.
     
  3. Thyagarajan

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    :hello: CRACKING TOUGH INTERVIEW :hello:
    After sorting through a stack of resumes, the boss found 4 people who were equally qualified - an American, a Russian, an Australian and an Indian.
    He decided to call the 4 in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

    As the 4 sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked,
    "What is the fastest thing you know?"
    Dave, the American, fastest to respond first replied, "A THOUGHT.
    It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of".
    "That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
    "And now you sir?" Pointing to Vladimir, the Russian.
    "Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know".
    "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed”.
    He then turned to George, the Australian, who was contemplating his reply.
    "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip on that switch, way out across the pasture, the light in the barn comes on. Yepp... turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of ".
    The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found the man he desired for the position. "It's hard to beat the speed of light", he said.

    Turning to the hyper Guy from India, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
    He replied, (in his punjabi accent!)...
    "Apter herring da three prebius ansers sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA."
    "WHAT?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
    The others were already giggling in their seats...
    "Oh, I can expleyn sir," said the Indian.
    “You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum, but before I could THINK, BLINK or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it!"

    "The Indian is now the new "Manager" at Wal-Mart in New Jersey.
    Note: The man interviewed these guys too is an Indian

     
  4. Thyagarajan

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    All husbands to enjoy with permission from their respective wife:

    Wife : Shall I prepare Sambar or Rasam today .
    Husband : First make it, we will name it later .

    A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
    dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
    Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

    A married man's prayer;
    Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away
    U gave me youth, u took it away.
    U gave me a wife.......... Its been years now,
    just reminding u......

    Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
    Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
    Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
    Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
    Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.

    Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??
    Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !

    A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary ~and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.
    Was the necklace FAKE?
    Nooooo! That was the deal :)

    A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant.
    As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
    Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.
    Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook.

    Best Slogan on a
    MAN's T-Shirt :
    "Please Do Not Disturb me,
    I am Married and already very Disturbed"
     
  5. Thyagarajan

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    Why is it mandatory to write the amount of money in the bank cheque in both word and figure?

    At 4.00 pm, when the bank was closed for the day, the branch manager received a phone call from a woman in a very sweet, melodious voice. From the other end of the phone, the lascivious lady murmured like a fountain falling from a hill, "Sir, I desperately need 2 lakhs Rs money. I'll get the cheque in ten minutes, will you plz wait for me?"

    The branch manager was overwhelmed by the woman's melodious voice. He ordered the cashier to keep the money ready. The cashier got angry but started getting ready to pay two lakh rupees with utter annoyance.

    Meanwhile, a huge, fat, ugly-looking woman patted the door of the branch manager's office and said in a melodious voice, "Can I come in, sir?"

    The manager had imagined the face of a beautiful woman for so long ... but when he saw this real woman, alas! he was rendered speechless for a while. But he regained his sense quickly and said,

    "Sorry, madam, the cash is closed today. Come tomorrow."

    "You could have said that over the phone" - the woman walked out of the bank with a bang.

    The cashier, who was ready to pay, said angrily to the manager, "If you don't pay, why are you holding me back?"

    The manager said, "The international rule of the bank is - “if word and figure do not match, payment will be declined."

    The cashier almost swooned.
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2021
  6. Thyagarajan

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    :hello: CONTRADICT PROVERBS :hello:
    Have you ever thought of contradictory Proverbs. Here are a few. Can you think of some more?

    All good things come to those who wait.But
    Time and tide wait for no man.
    The pen is mightier than the sword. But
    Actions speak louder than words.
    Wise men think alike
    But Fools seldom differ.

    The best things in life are free. But There's no such thing as a free lunch.

    Slow and steady wins the race. But Time waits for no man.

    Look before you leap.
    But Strike while the iron is hot.

    Do it well or not at all. But
    Half a loaf is better than none.
    Birds of a feather flock together. But Opposites attract.
    Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.
    But Forewarned is forearmed.

    Doubt is the beginning of wisdom But Faith will move mountains.

    Great starts make great finishes. But It ain't over until it's over.
    Practice makes perfect. But
    All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Silence is golden. But The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

    Silence is golden but Crying baby gets the milk

    You're never too old to learn.
    But You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

    What's good for the goose is good for the gander. But
    One man's meat is another man's poison.

    Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But
    Out of sight, out of mind.

    Too many cooks spoil the broth. But Many hands make light work.

    Hold fast to the words of your ancestors. But
    Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them...
     
  7. Thyagarajan

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    Sardarji in the hot seat at KBC.
    Amitabh : Aapka last question *5 crore* rupiya ke liye, yeh raha apke samne....

    Amitabh: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan?
    Computer Screen:
    *A*. Amitabh Bachchan..
    *B*. Dharmendra....
    *C*. Jeetendra......
    *D*. Sanjeev Kumar...
    *Amitabh* : Apka kya jawab hai ?
    (He is quite sure that Sardar will opt for A)
    But Sardar is in utter confusion.
    Sardar: I think it's A
    "Are you sure?", says Amitabh in his stentorian voice.
    Sardar gets more confused and nervous
    Sardar : Sir, I would like to use 50:50?
    Amitabh: Ok computer Ji, 2 galat javabon ko mita dena please......
    Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -
    B. Dharmendra....
    C. Jeetendra....
    Amitabh is confused and tensed, thinks how come the computer has made this mistake. But as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Sardar is even more confused.
    Sardar: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..
    Amitabh : Aap kisko phone karna chahenge?
    Sardar : Mein Jaya Bachchan Ji ko phone karna chahoonga..
    Amitabh Bachchan Shocked But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan
    Sardar: Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan?
    Jaya Bachchan asks, What are the options?"
    Show must go on...
    Amitabh faints...
     
  10. Thyagarajan

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    My staff one day sent me a note:he was shift in charge. "I am not coming to duty today since I continued night shift yesterday. Today means tomorrow since I wrote the note yesterday"
     

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