Pay In A Different Coin

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Thyagarajan, Oct 22, 2020.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:WORDS & Figures :hello:

    On a cheque, the amount is written both in words and figure. But why.

    Here is the true explanation by one BM.
    At 4.00 pm, when the bank was closed for the day, the branch manager received a phone call from a woman in a very sweet, melodious voice. From the other end of the phone, the lascivious lady murmured like a fountain falling from a hill, "Sir, I desperately need rupees 2 lakh in cash. I'll get the cheque in ten minutes, will you plz wait for me?"
    The branch manager was overwhelmed by the woman's melodious voice. He ordered the cashier to keep the money ready. The cashier got angry with utter annoyance, but started getting ready to pay two lakh rupees.
    Meanwhile, a huge, fat, ugly-looking woman patted the door of the branch manager's office and said in a melodious voice, "Can I come in, sir?"
    For so long, the manager had imagined the face of a beautiful woman...but when he saw this real woman, he became speechless for a while. But he regained his senses quickly and said, "Sorry, madam, the cash is closed today. Come tomorrow."
    "You could have said that over the phone!"- the woman walked out of the bank with a bang.
    The cashier, who was waiting ready to pay, said angrily to the manager, "If you had not to pay, why did you hold me back?"
    The manager said- You also must know the international rule of banks- *"If words and FIGURE do not match, payment will be declined."
    The cashier swooned !
     
  2. Thyagarajan

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    Spousy Share
    How nice to have shrewd spouse as in this following incident.

    My friend
    Mr. Ganapath superannuated from bank service as Sr Manager.
    He had handsome retirement benefits.
    He deposited all of it - 50 lacs in MFs and debt funds.
    He kept 25 lacs in SB itself, as his pension was sufficient for him and his wife.
    He included his wife's name in his savings acct and taught her on line banking and the importance of OTP.

    He told her not to divulge OTP to anyone.
    One evening Ganpath returned from his stroll.
    "I forgot to take my mobile...BTW, anything important?" He asked .
    Wife said "Someone phoned from the bank"
    Ganapath froze.
    "Reg OTP?" He asked shockingly .
    "You are smart. Of course they wanted me to share the OTP as they wanted to convert our acct from silver status to diamond status with more benefits"
    "My God..did you get an OTP? Did you share it?"
    "Of course..when it is the bank people calling how can I refuse?"
    Ganapath slumped on the sofa.
    He immediately took the mobile, logged into bank acct, with a heart pounding like a sledge hammer, mumbling "You numb skull
    ...25 lacs gone"
    But he was pleasantly surprised to see not only 25 L was safe but the SB interest was added to it.
    "Did you share the OTP correctly?"
    "Yes. But the bank people repeatedly said that it is not correct and asked me to recheck. I stood my ground."
    "What was the OTP?"
    "It was, I think, 2404. Since it is a joint account, I shared only my half of the OTP....1202"
     
  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: SURVIVE THE STORM
    &
    DANCE IN RAIN :hello:

    It happened at an Airport. This is hilarious.
    I wish I had the guts of this girl.

    An award should go to the Airlines gate agent for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

    For all of you out there who have had to
    deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

    A crowded Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

    Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

    The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

    The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

    Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 8
    WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 8".

    With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
    the man glared at the Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"

    Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir,
    you'll have to get in line for that, too."

    Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.
     
  4. Thyagarajan

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    A man enters a Tasmac bar in Chennai and announces that he would show a trick for a free booze. The bartender considers it, then agrees.

    The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
    He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.

    The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
    After the man finished his free booze, asked the bartender, "If I show you another better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night?”

    The bartender thinks that nothing could possibly better than the first trick - so he agrees.
    The man reaches into his jacket’s another pocket and pulls out a small frog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music.

    While the man is enjoying his booze, a stranger confronts him and offers him ₹100 for the lfrog.
    "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."

    The stranger increases the offer to ₹ 250 cash.
    "No," he insists, "he's not for sale."

    The stranger again increases the offer, this time to ₹500 cash.
    The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

    "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded.
    "That frog could have been worth thousands to you, and you let him go for a mere ₹ 500!"

    "Don't worry about it." the man answered.
    "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
     
  5. Thyagarajan

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    BRAINY
    VS
    CATTLE BRAIN

    upload_2022-6-2_23-42-32.jpeg
     
  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: WHISKEY WASH :hello:


    upload_2022-6-24_19-37-23.jpeg
    PHEDNIS indian cartoonist never uses speech bubble and truly picture soeaks louder than words.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2022
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  7. Thyagarajan

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    :hello:
    :hello:
    Patient : Doc, the medicine you had prescribed on the left side top of prescription to me is not available in any pharmacy in Mumbai.
    Doc : Oh...! That is not medicine, I was just trying to see if my pen was writing or not, it is just a doodling.
    Patient : What? With this terrible handwriting, I had to visit numerous shops to check it out.
    One pharnacist said that he will get it for me tomorrow.
    Another said, this company is now closed, shall I give you similar medicine from another company?
    Third one said, there is a huge demand for this medicine, you will get only in Black.
    The fourth one made me jump out of my skin; he said, this medicine is for cancer, who has cancer at your place?
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2022
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  8. Thyagarajan

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  9. Thyagarajan

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    :hello: How Could You Be So Blunt? :hello:
    A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind.
    Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat.
    The next day she called her husband and asked whether the cat was all right.
    Her husband said:
    "The cat - just died."
    She burst into tears and said:
    "How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor cat had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?"
    Husband:
    "She is playing on the roof......."
     
  10. Thyagarajan

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    TEMPERANCE
    A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression, he said,

    "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

    With even greater emphasis he said,

    "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

    And then finally, he said,

    "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

    He sat down.

    The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile,

    "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn : "Shall We Gather at the River."*

     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2022

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