Pay In A Different Coin

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Thyagarajan, Oct 22, 2020.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: PAY IN A DIFFERENT COIN
    :hello:
    Politics is when you perform the same mess in different ways depending on the audience - you will tend to agree it is absolutely true -when you read the stuff below:

    A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

    At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"
    The man replied, "What is this? Mr. It is wrong question comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations of socialism and created the future and prosperity of the Russian people. I am taking it with me as a memory of our hero days."

    The Russian customs officer was a bit shamed and let him go without further inspection.

    At Tel Aviv airport, the customs officer also asks our friend, "What is this?"

    He replies, "What is this? My dear pal - it is wrong question. You should be asking 'Who is this?' This is Lenin, a bastard that made me, as a Jew leave Russia. I take this statue with me so I can curse him every day."

    The Israeli customs officer said, "I apologize Sir, you can go on."

    In Israel, when he arrives at his new house, he puts the statue on a table.
    To celebrate his immigration, he invite his friends and relatives to dinner.
    One of his friends asks him, "Who is this?"

    He replies, "My dear friend, 'Who is this' is a wrong question. You should have asked, What is this? This is ten kilograms of solid gold that I managed to bring with me without customs and tax."
     
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  2. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    That was a wonderful analogy! Made interesting read :grinning:
     
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  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:FAT BILL & LAME DUCK:hello:

    A woman brought a very limp duck in to a veterinary surgeon.

    As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened
    to the duck's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, your duck Cuddles, has passed away.”

    The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
    “Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,” replied the Vet.
    “How can you be so sure?” she protested.
    “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.
    He returned a few minutes later with a Labrador. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
    He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

    The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
    A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot.

    The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

    The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
    The Vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

    The duck’s owner, still bewildered, took the bill. “Rs. 3000!” she cried in shock, “Rs. 3000 just to tell me my duck is dead!”

    The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been Rs.100, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now Rs 3000."

    (Like it or not - WhatsApp share)
     
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  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: KIDNEYS & GRASS :hello:
    Teacher addresses a student and asks: “How many kidneys do we have?"

    “Four!", The student responds.

    “Four? Haha,” The teacher was one of those who took pleasure in picking on his students' mistakes and demoralizing them.

    “Bring a bundle of grass, because we have an ass in the room," the teacher orders a front bencher.

    “And for me a coffee!”, the student added.

    The teacher was furious and expelled the student from the room.

    On his way out of the classroom, the student still had the audacity to correct the furious teacher:
    "You asked me how many kidneys ‘we have’. We have four: two of mine and two of yours. ‘We have’ is an expression used for the plural. Enjoy the grass.”

    Life demands much more understanding than knowledge. Sometimes people, because they have a little more knowledge or ‘believe’ that they have it, feel they have the right to underestimate others.
     
  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: Welcome to @Anabalas @vidhyalakshmid
    Thanks to my followers here and elsewhere. Thanks to rare FB in this section.
    Best wishes to all your family members.
    Regards
     
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  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:
    INNOVATE IN INSTRUCTIONS on sign boards:

    In a forest: Shoot birds with cameras not with Gun.

    On highway: donate Blood but Not on the Roads.

    At petrol pump: “ No SMOKING” your life may be worthless but our gasoline is costly”.

    At EYE Hospital: if still you like continue with ogling, even after death, DONATE YOUR EYES.
     
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  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: Science & Art :hello:

    Teacher : What is the Difference Between Science and Art ?.

    Student: There is no proven Medicine for Corona , as of now, that is the Science!

    Hospital Bills Come in Millions even though there is no proven medicine. This is an Art!
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2020
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  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: Repeal In Laws :hello:

    While in this farmer's protest Santa Singh was cornered by the media.
    Media - What are you protesting for?
    Santa- The Govt should remove all the three laws forthwith and keep only one law.
    Media - You mean remove the recently enacted three farm laws?
    Santa - No. The Mother-in-law, Father-in-law and Brother-in-law.
    Media - Then which one law should be retained?
    Santa - Only Sister-in-law.
     
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  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: MADE IN CHINA :hello:

    INDIA vs CHINA a race.

    A Chinese man came to Coimbatore, Tamil Naadu, India. He took a taxi at the airport.
    On his way, by seeing a bus, he told the taxi driver that in Coimbatore, buses run very slow. In China, buses run very fast.
    After sometime, he came near a railway bridge and saw a train passing through the bridge. Then the Chinese told the driver that the trains also run very slow here. In China, trains run very fast.
    Throughout the journey he told the driver like this disparaging Coimbatore. However, the taxi driver kept mum throughout the journey.
    When the Chinese reached his destination, he asked the driver what is the meter reading and taxi fare thereon.
    The driver replied it is Rs 5,000/-
    The Chinese shocked by hearing the taxi fare. He told, are you kidding, in your country buses run slow, trains run slow, everything is slow. How the meter alone run fast???
    To this the driver replied calmly...
    SIR, THE METER IS 'MADE IN CHINA'.
     
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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Angru Husband sends text SMS to MIL:
    Your product doesn't cook well.
    Shrewd MIL responded:
    Warranty stands expired. Manufacturer no more responsible: however as a goodwill measure can service free. Regards.
     
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