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Partiality by MIL towards grandchildren

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by easygoing, Oct 12, 2012.

  1. easygoing

    easygoing Bronze IL'ite

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    I am taking my DD to india for the first time after delivery to my in laws place.
    My MIL told me over phone that she has got cotton dress for my kid since during her 1st birthday she will anyway get pattu pavadai as gift from everyone so she dint want to buy it !
    I felt really bad after hearing this, its her 1st grand daughter visiting for the 1st time,I am ok if its a cotton dress but her EXPLANATION for not getting a silk pavadai just put me off !
    Also during our stay my in laws are having their 60th wedding ceremony and my MIL is telling me that on the day of that function, she will make my DD wear the dress that her daughters MIL has got for my DD !
    I felt really pissed by hearing all this from my MIL !
    My SILs mil has got a silk pavadai for my DD and my own MIL is dodging and finding excuses not to buy one ! How cheap????
    But my MIL gets costly dresses every time for my SILS kids !
    Dunno what kind of heart these MILs have showing partiality between babies !!! God save them !
    I have planned not to put the cotton dress during thottil function coz my parents have got a silk pavadai for my DD for that function.Should I tell my MIL openly that I will not put that dress for the function or just compromise on it?
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2012
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  2. TomAndJerry

    TomAndJerry Bronze IL'ite

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    You need not tell anything. Just put the Silk dress for your daughter as it is considered the best option for all auspicious ceremonies. We are supposed to wear Silk saree, Silk dhoti (men) and silk langa (kids) during all poojas.
     
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  3. whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    There's no need to get mad about it. There's also no need to tell her anything. Just make the kid wear what you want her to wear. If she complains to your husband ask him about what he thinks about his mother making his daughter wear a cotton dress while she makes his sister's kids wear silk.

    This is what I as a single guy think. So take my advice with a grain of salt since I have no idea how the politics between families play out.
     
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  4. foxybeat

    foxybeat Platinum IL'ite

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    Its your kid and you can dress the kid anyway you want (till she grows up and chooses her own clothes). You do not need to give any explanation to anyone about the dress. Since its the thottil function, the baby will surely be the center of attraction and its nice to dress her up nicely in silk. Just put the silk pavada dress and bring her for the function.

    One suggestion is that you and your DH can buy a dress for your DD for the function. THat way you can avoid the drama of using your mothers dress but his mothers dress. Just a small suggestion to avoid drama.
     
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  5. whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    This is an excellent idea.
     
  6. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    Its your daughter!Its your decision!
     
  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Diff perspective .....ur DD is a baby . At that age they outgrow clothes very quickly. By the time we finish an India trip or a birthday party we typically would have more clothes than I would know what to do with.
    Esp being in the US we have very few occasions to use ''Desi" dresses . Result..they get used at best a few times. Anyway ur DD is getting another pattu pavadai......why another one of the same thing? Cotton dress in hot india climate is what ur baby would actually be more comfortable in. Dont try to measure love based on the $$ of the gifts. Accept her gift gracefully.
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    1. Babies/toddlers outgrow clothes within days.

    2. Babies/toddlers easily spill food etc on clothes, esp during functions, more esp during granda's 60th b'day, most esp on cotton clothes. :) and need a change of clothes.

    I would also get ticked off if i hear such reasons from grandma. They shld just give whatever they are giving without any explanations. Then we can accept the gift gracefully.
     
  9. easygoing

    easygoing Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi justanothergirl,

    With all due respects to your opinion, I very well know love is not measured by money, but this same MIL complaints to me how she gets costly dresses for my SILS kids but my SILs mil never buys good dress for them ! Morever, everyone knows babies outgrow all kinds of dresses be it cotton or silk and stop playing with toys once they grow, just because of that do we stop or limit buying dress or toys for kids? This same MIL in the same HOT indian climate bought silk shervanis worth 3k for my SILS kid during my marriage in summer !
    Had my mil said i have got cotton pavadai with love coz i liked the color/design it woud have been a different thiing, but saying OTHERS will gift it so i dint buy sounds strange ! And to top it, we are going to spend for her 60th wedding, and she saying my DD should wear the dress that my SILs mil has got is a bit too much ! And a bit more background, for my DD's punyajanam(10th day function after birth) my DH had to push his mom to the limits to buy a dress ! And my MIL told my folks, my son insisted me on getting a dress thats y i had to roam from place to place to buy one !
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2012
  10. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    @Easy going...I hope thats how you want ur trip to be .
    We do not control circumstances or people. What we can control is our reaction to it. You can either spend ur time worrying about the motive behind ur MILs cotton dress to ur DD /Silk dress to ur SILs kids./justifying to MI,DH why you want to put ur moms clothes and not his ......OR u can take it in good faith and in a few hour long function..find time to get ur DD dressed in both....move on. There are things worth standing up and fighting for...this IMHO is not. Ofcourse the choice is always upto you .
     

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