Parents interfering in family life!!

Dear ais_1982,

you are now married and have your own life, talk to your parents tell them that now you are married woman and you need to lead your life your way, yes you shall always go to them advice as they are elders, but they cannot rule your day to day life and you on the other hand stop discussing with them.
Your mother told you that you have changed so tell her that after marriage things change and obivously your priorities have changed but your love for them will always be there. If they call you and advice you listen to them but its upto you to follow or not.
If they keep on calling you draw a line somewhere and sometimes we need to put our foot down i know you love your parents but your husband is your 1st priority in your life and sometimes parents do mess up married lives for their daughters. I had a friend who was the only daughter and her parents were interfering in her life and it broke her marriage.
so its up to you.
i am sorry for being harsh.
love
alpa:cheers

 

Isolate them from details of your daily life.
Tell them they're important to you & you'll be there for them..

When you tell a lot of details to parents, the over caring ones see issue in everything and they feel its their parental responsibility to pull you out from a future problem that has not yet happened :thumbsup...........

Very few are easy ones who let you swim peacefully.
Quite a few keep monitoring, throwing life boats & pulling you out even when you know you're safe swimmer.

 

Dear Ais,
Please calm down. There are many in your situation in one way or other.Look at this thread started by another ILite.

www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-parents-and-siblings/85829-please-advise-relaionship-over-possessive/


I know it hurts when its from your own parents. Please be aware that they can destroy your marriage so you need to chant this mantra in your mind " I love my married life" always so no one can create any rifts for you.

They love you and their lives have revolved around you so they cannot think that they are doing anything wrong.

My suggestion write them a letter so you don't get emotional and bungle up the content.Put it in a touchy Hallmark card and send it to them.Please refrain from yelling at them.Talk like you would with your boss ,without emotions and fighting ,if you need to convey something.

The content of the letter should be how much you love them and appreciate all they did for you.Also let them know that you will always be there for them and take care of them.However tell them that you need to make your own decisions and live your life according to your choices.
Also let them know that you respect their opinions and consider them always but the decision will be always yours and your DH's.

Hope this helps.

FL.

 

In the first place why do you have to tell all these details to your mother :idontgetit: She wouldn't know if you don't pass the details right.

 

Ais_1982

Priya16 has raised an excellent point. In this "battle" for control with your parents, consider information as a type of ammunition. The more ammunition you supply them with, the better they will be able to control you. From what you say, your mother is emotionally blackmailing you, and using guilt and histrionics (overly dramatic, highly theatrical speeches and displays of emotion) to get you to do what they want.

If you keep indulging her, she'll keep up the bombardment. A married couple has every right to keep their private lives private - this includes anything THEY decide they just want to keep to themselves; finances, baby-making schedules and practices, even simple things like what you eat for dinner - whatever it is.

This does not mean that you do not love your parents, or that you are not grateful for what they have done for you. It simply means that you are a grown up, who has thrown in your lot with another grown-up (your husband), and that you've decided together that you're going to have a life and a family. Excluding your parents from certain aspects of your married life is not only acceptable, but it is desirable in so far as living independently and assertively goes.

What an astrologer has told your parents, the tantrums your mother throws, the accusations she makes, and all the rest of the drama is inconsequential. What you really DO matters the most - so, if you can treat your parents with love, respect, and consideration WITHOUT compromising your and your husband's privacy and the sanctity of your marriage, then you are doing a good enough job.

The problem with demanding people like your mother is they are very rarely satisfied. Her list of hoops you have to jump through to please her will only grow, not get shorter, no matter what you do. Reassure her, if you must, that you will be there for them in their old age, support them financially, etc. These are just examples - only tell her the truth about what it is you are prepared to do for them in your specific situation. Beyond that, her out-of-control emotions and insecurities are her problem, not yours.

If you have been and continue to be a good daughter, and it sounds like you are, then you have nothing to lose sleep over. You are lucky to have a good husband and understanding, non-intrusive in-laws. Don't let your dysfunctional parents ruin your new marriage. Now is the time to invest emotional energy in your husband, and work on your relationship with him. Your purpose on this earth is not to rescue your parents or act as their emotional crutch or punching bag. Your primary purpose is to live the fullest life you can with your partner for life, your husband.

Please draw some respectful boundaries between you and your parents, and observe those boundaries even if they won't. Read all the stories here on IL about husbands/in-laws who ruin their wives' lives, and count yourself lucky you are not among them. But don't give your own parents a chance to cause that same kind of damage.