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parents having different mothertongue

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by asks, Dec 17, 2007.

  1. asks

    asks New IL'ite

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    hello all,
    so far i didn't see here any thread on family's where hubby n wife having different mothertongue. i myself belong to one like that my hubby's motheretongue is tamil and he knew kannada as well as he was brought up in b'lore. but for me tamil was a new, i learnt it after i got married. offcourse by now u would have guessed its a love marriage.
    i didn't go for any classes, since i was staying with my inlaws eventhough they knew kannada they used to talk to me in tamil only.the initial years were really very hard for me, but slowly i learnt. now after 8 years of marriage nobody can make out that my mothertongue is not tamil. atleast thats what people tell me. hubbys relatives say its so good that i have adopted all his as mine, but my inlwas never appreciate me for anything i have done so far. now that we have 2 kids, we speak both the languages with them, they understand n talk both the longuages. i know how tough it's having 2 languages at home. having gone through this tough road, i am curious how other IL'tes (if any) faced this kind of situation. can u share it ?

    thanks
    asks
     
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  2. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Asks,

    Don't worry so much! It is in fact good for children to be exposed to different languages from childhood. It makes them good linguists and later on makes it easier for them to pick up new languages.

    My husband and I share the same language - Hindi. But our baby sitter speaks Portuguese (and we have asked her to speak to our baby in that language only), we speak Hindi and English at home and she is exposed to English and Spanish in the daycare.

    Hope this helps,
    Aarushi
     
  3. asks

    asks New IL'ite

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    hi aarushi,
    thanks for the reply. i understand all this, but still my first daughter started speaking late, eventhough she started speaking words at 1 year itself...there was not much progress in the second year...even at 3 she was mixing all the 3 languages kannada, tamil, english and was not talking in proper sentances. only when she tirned 4 she started talking properly. so always i have a guilt feeling in my mind that my first daughter suffered because of that. but my second one is much quicker she started talking in sentances at 2 itself. everybody used to tell me that because u guys talk 2 different language kid is suffering. so i was just trying find out other il'ets experiances
    thanks once again
    asks
     
  4. Marisa

    Marisa New IL'ite

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    Research has shown that the best way of making children absorb more than one language without mixing them up is one-person, one-language. Meaning that you should speak to your child only in your mother tongue and your husband only in his. It's OK if the child responds in the "wrong" language (and it should be allowed, especially when the child is young), but you should be really consistent and only speak to him in your mother tongue. That allows kids to differentiate the two. They will still mix them up for a little while, and usually they will speak later than monolingual kids, but they will have the incredible advantage of being bilingual or trilingual, and also important, of communicating properly with both families-in-law!
     
  5. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Asks,

    Yes, it is true that children exposed to more than one language learn to speak a little later than others. This is what our pediatrician also told us.

    It is just because they are absorbing all the different words and sounds.

    Ask your pediatrician about your fears. She/he might allay it.

    love,
    Aarushi
     
  6. mslakshmi

    mslakshmi Senior IL'ite

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    Hi asks

    Ya I can understand yr problem n appreciate yr patience. Its good u hv learned Tamil thoroughly n now teaching both languages to your kids.:iagree

    Here mine is different case. V r telugu people and my d-in-law is tamilian. Her parents setteled in Andhra, she knows Telugu, Hindi and English also. So v never faced any language problem while talking each other.

    But when she speaks with her parents/meternal relatives, she wil speak in tamil only. My son doesn't know tamil. I can understand little, if they speak slowly. But v never bothered to hear or understand what they r talking about. Even though all they know telugu, when they come to our house, they speak in tamil only. In the phone OK, but when v r around, I feel it is not correct, but I never expressed it. Just now I saw yr msg and want to inform this.

    MSL
     
  7. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Lakshmi

    I don't mean to hurt your feelings,but frankly what is wrong with your dil's people talking in their own mother tongue in your house? I am a Malayalee married to a Tamilian and when my parents visit me at my in-law's house or when I talk to them on the phone,we talk in malayalam only,since that is our mother tongue and we have been talking that for years. We all know Tamil but that is not what we talk in our home,so why should we suddenly switch to Tamil just because my inlaws are there? That will only make me and my people very uncomfortable while talking.
    At one time,my FIL told me to call one of my uncles as 'Chitthapa' in Tamil.Can you imagine me calling my uncle that.Firstly,my uncle who does not understand Tamil will not even respond if I call him that.Then why will I do it just to please my FIL.So,I just ignored his comments,that's it.
    I have a 5 yr old son and I talk to him in both Tamil and Malayalam.Till about a yr back,he used to talk in tamil but now he talks only in English because of school influence.What to do? My only comfort is that he understands both Tamil and Malayalam and that is enough for me.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2008
  8. mslakshmi

    mslakshmi Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Sunitha

    Its not a matter of hurting. U hv expressed yr opinion.

    But I wil accept only half. When v r around and my dil n their relatives speak in their own lang (which v do not properly) it looks not nice. because v feel boaring n siting with a blank face looks so funny. Here relationship is not main. Even if there r 3 friends, all knows english lang and out of them r a similar lang and third one is a diff language. When they all met, if these two common lang people talk each other in their lang what is the fate of the third one?

    They shd speak while observing the circumstances. If they r sitting separately, even though in our house, if they speak whatever the lang no prob. But when v r all around, it doesn't looks nice. In our own house v wil sit like a stranger. That is the circumstance, mean.

    I think that u understand the matter.

    Anyway its good yr kids learning all the langs. Its better.

    M S Lakshmi
     
  9. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Lakshmi

    I understand your viewpoint but think of this from your DIL's angle....it becomes very difficult to talk with one's parents in a different language when you are used to talking to them in one language all this time. I see this in my home itself.Sometimes,when my parents try and talk to my son in Tamil,it looks and sounds so odd...I suddenly feel like they are not my parents anymore because it is so artificial.

    Let your DIL talk to her parents in her mothertongue,you continue talking in yours.This is only give and take...a simple adjustment...for everyone's peace of mind.:cheers
     
  10. btej26K

    btej26K New IL'ite

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    hi Aarushi,
    I also faced this problem but i agree that if one person speaks their own mothertongue it will work out. The same had happened with me. V speak english at home most of the time. As my husband speaks telugu and i speak hindi being a north indian. But when my mother came to stay with us and she speaks only hindi. I was worried too as to how things will work out with my daughter and her granny. But i was shocked to see that she picked up hindi so well and most importantly and surprising was that whenever she had to talk to her granny she spoke in hindi and with us in english. So dont worry. But keep in mind to talk in ur own languages, so that ur kid can differentiate.

    all the best and take care
    BTej26k



     

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