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Parenting.

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by messedup, Mar 31, 2019.

  1. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Got this message on what's app. Want to discuss here. Please share your views.

    Have we failed in bringing up.our 'modern' kids?

    A very distressed neighbour shared that he had driven home after a long day at work. As he entered, he saw his wife in bed with fever. She had laid out his dinner on a tray.

    Everything was there just as he wanted it. The dal, vegetables, salad, green chutney, papad and pickles... *"How caring,"* he thought, *“Even when she is unwell, she finds the strength to do everything for me.”*

    As he sat down to eat, he realised that something was missing. He looked up at his grown up daughter who was watching TV and said, *"Beta (child), can you get me my medicine and a glass of water, please?"*

    She rolled up her eyeballs to show her displeasure at being disturbed, but did the favour nevertheless.

    A minute later he realised that salt was missing in the dal.

    He said, *"Sorry beta, can you please get me some salt?"*

    She said, *"Ufff!"* and got the salt but her stomping shoes made it clear that she did not appreciate the disruption.

    A few minutes later he said, *"Beta …”*

    She banged the TV remote on the table and said, *"What is it now Dad? How many times will you make me get up? I too am tired; I had a long day at work!"*

    The man said, *"I'm so sorry beta…"*
    Silence prevailed.

    The man got up and placed the dishes in the kitchen sink and quietly wiped the tear escaping his eye.

    My heart wept... I often wonder; *Why is it that the youngsters of the so called modern world behave like this? Have we given them too much freedom to express? Have we failed to discipline and give them the right values?*

    *Is it right to treat children as friends?* Think of it this way, they have lots of friends. But they have only one set of parents. If they don't do 'parenting', who will?

    Today the *‘self-esteem’* of even a new born or an infant is being talked about; but what about the self-esteem of the parents? Are they supposed to just fan the egos of their children, while the children don't care two hoots about theirs?

    Often parents say, “Aajkal ke bachhe sunte kahaan hain (Where will you find obedient children in these times)?” Why?

    The other day, we were at a dinner party. All the seats were occupied except for one bean bag. One of our fifty-something friends told his teenaged daughter to move to the bean bag, so that he could sit on the high back chair she occupied.

    She said, *"Why can't you sit on the bean bag?”*

    I was zapped; we all knew that the father had a back ailment, and even otherwise… Well!

    Later as everyone was taking leave of the host, the same guy realised that he had left his car keys inside. He asked his daughter to go and get them.

    *“Why can’t you go and get them yourself? I am not your maid!"*

    I looked away in disgust and disbelief. The poor guy had no option but to make light of the situation saying, *"Ya, Ya, but Daddy is your eternal servant my princess!"*

    He went inside to fetch the car keys. This is what our social behaviour has become! Why?

    If we need to teach children about self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence, we also need to tell them that howsoever big and rich and famous they may be, their parents shall always be their parents… children can never be their equals, let alone be their bosses!

    *Remember to Pay-*

    *RENT - Respect, Empathy, Niceness, and Time!*

    *I ALWAYS ADVISE PARENTS TO BE PARENTS AND NOT FRIENDS*. Your kids can have n number of friends but have only ONE set of parents.

    *So don't be afraid to set rules and make the children obey them*
    ....
    By:- Narayan Murty
    CEO INFOSYS
     
    Desiindian, ashima10, Rihana and 9 others like this.
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    A child can be moulded to be a better human.A good environment at home,parents communicating with respect and trying to empathize with the children and spending ample time is required.Those kids turn out to be confident,polite and successful.

    My uncle always preferred to be at home early for his children and I have always seen him talking to them a lot generally.
    They are now awesome kids with great attitude and handles things so well.

    Some kids are too arrogant and sometimes one feels why isn’t that parent observing their child? One needs to curb it upfront and ultimately reprimand the child.


    For eg: when my baby was young..we went to the play area in the mall and my LO was playing a game.A bigger boy who must be 6 came,barged and overtook the game.My child tried to play again and he kept pushing my girl’s hand roughly.I then took my baby away but noticed the dad standing just behind the kid and not doing anything.

    I really didn’t know what to say!!

    Parents need to observe,communicate with their children and mould them so that they don’t turn into bullies or arrogant.If every parent takes complete responsibility of their child putting them as priority ..definetly world would be an awesome place.
     
  3. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    A lot to introspect. Setting proper boundaries is very important.
     
  4. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for all the likes. looking forward for replies too.

    @anika987 thanks for the reply dear. You explained many points that you observed and all of them are useful. Frequent observations and little strictness is very much required.

    @GeetaKashyap thanks for the reply dear. You can give more input and I am waiting for your valuable introspection.
     
    GeetaKashyap and anika987 like this.
  5. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    This balance of parenting really does confound me.
    I have noticed these issues within my own home also. I have also noticed some very polite behavior too at times.
    My observation has been that when i am able to spend time with my child, the empathy also builds in, but spending time all the while is a luxury that both parents and kids can't afford, as there are umpteen classes and chores to attend to all the time.
    We are rushing all the time and do tend to short cut the behavioural route, we desire with our kids.
    Watching the thread for some good solutions and maintaining the parenting balance :)

    Very nice thread @messedup
     
  6. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply. Balance is required. Agree. And due to less time we provide them everything in hand and don't wait for them to do their own work or follow our instructions. But we should know that we are saving time at the cost of behaviour. Whenever we have time we should wait and let them do. Slowly they will learn to be responsible.

    Everyone please give your inputs. We may learn something very useful from each other that otherwise we never will know.
     
    Thyagarajan, anika987 and Afresh like this.
  7. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel that if we want something then we have to make it their habit. Without practice no one can do anything. We learn everything from walking to eating and then studying by practice. If I am hungry then only option for me is to eat and for that I need to learn how to eat. If I will get other option like someone is feeding me always with his hands then I may never learn how to eat. In same way if we want our kids to be responsible then the only option they should have with our instructions is to follow. If we provide them other option and do their job then they will never learn to do.
     
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  8. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    Hey now here, we want the kids to also be self assured and know how to make their own decisions too. So it's again going to be a very subjective treatment of having to allow them on what has to completely programmed and what has to be left to their faculties.
    One thing as a parent, I , specifically need to learn is exercising restraint when dealing with kids to give them space, while asking them to do certain chores ( making their own bed for instance), to learn , imbibe and grow with those values.
    I am constantly piling up the to-dos for the kid when we are together and that is not helping!! Have to learn to accept their ways and choices too.
    Also need to be stern and follow up on any work given.
    Maybe , we need to habituate children to do chores, one at a time, i guess.
    The toughest part is having kids follow the RIGHT routine, when parents are away on their jobs. :smash2:

    This is exactly the message i want to communicate :) to the kids but , how effectively depends on how patient I can be all the while.
     
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  9. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    One sentence can take many forms. The one you understood is also correct. But the one I was talking about is being responsible. That mean a child should know that whatever he has been asked for is his responsibility now. He cannot say no to that. At the same time he can apply his own mind and can improvise but leaving the work undone or passing it or postponing it is not the option.
     
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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:quite true a sentence can take many forms.
    Governor dictated a messageto his P. A.
    "HANG HIM NOT
    . LEAVE HIM"

    He declined the request of the convict for reprieve.
    The jail superintendent received the COMMUNICATED message & ordered FORTHWITH that the noose be losened and convict be released as per Governor's order.
    Later Gov questioned the Superintendent - why despite his orders to hang, the convict released .
    When Superintendent showed up the communication received by him ,
    the Gov Got stunned:
    It read "HANG HIM. NOT LEAVE HIM".
    Thanks & Regards.
     
    messedup likes this.

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