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Parenting!

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Srama, Oct 14, 2007.

  1. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    My son had a particularly bad day at school where his teacher was deterring him from reading/writing and drawing all the time with the sole good intention of getting him to learn to play with other kids. He once told me that his teacher says he need not look at everything in numbers, so he asked me if it was ok to count in his mind! Anyways, after picking him from school I had an errand at the Indian store and he was upset that everyone keeps asking him to do things differently or what they want and won’t let him do what he wants – like his teacher, like me who says enough of weather channel, please watch something else! I was feeling bad/guilty whatever the word and decided to buy him a candy at the store to cheer him up. After the guy checked the item out, I asked him to give it to my son instead of packing. While he was checking other items, the other owner came, noticed the candy and asked in their native language if we have paid for it! While I do not understand the language, I clearly could make out it was about the candy (as he referred to the brand name) in my son’s hand. So with a little hesitation, I ventured and said, ‘hey we pay for everything we pick up’ and he in turn retorted, it is not that, sometimes kids pick up with out parents’ knowledge and I was making sure. Which confirmed to me that he was indeed referring to the candy in my son’s hand and made me more angry – so I shot off telling him that I keep an eye on my kids and also that I teach good things to my kids etc. He did not comment further and checked us out.

    “Was it necessary to make my point with the guy?” is the question I have asked my self many times. On one hand I feel, he spoke in a language that I did not follow, so maybe I could have ignored it but on the other hand I feel would I not have reacted the same way if I understood? And as far as look at it from the guy’s perspective, I feel as he was defending his shop, I was defending my honor. There are innumerable instances where we as parents need to do the right thing and stand up for ourselves, teaching our kids to do the same. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done – the emotional see saw is so hard to go through but the joy makes it all worth it!

    BTW my son is 41/2 and the candy was 50cents.

    SRama
     
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  2. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Srama
    just saw your post. I cancompletly emphatize with you. Happened numerous times. over the years I have learnt a lesson. Just ignore. not worth the hassle. imagine the turmoil you will cause your child. not worth it. also let the child do what he wants as long as it is within limits. they are at a precious age where they should be allowed to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. hope you dont mind me telling just my 2cents
     
  3. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hi srama,

    I can completely relate with the incident. you know you were not overreacting because it was your son they were pointing at (our maternal instincts start running hyper right..).

    But i would like to state two incidents i was a witness.... then you can understand there are lot of kids who do this.....

    1. we were in a shopping mall, a kid of 14years, was going in and out of the trial room, the security felt it was fishy, they caught him searched him and he had a latest remote control car under his t-shirt....the parents were embarassed, the kid said he had just taken it into the trial room to just open and check how it works:confused::confused:. We felt sorry for the kid, and angry that the parents could have kept a watch, as this incident would really leave a mark.....

    2.I know people (i say people because more than few of my acquaintances:?:?) just pick up a chips/milk tetra/chocolate as they enter the mall...by the time they finish shopping, the empty pack/tetra/wrapper lies in some part of the mall...and they dont even pay for it..or regret for it...what a bad example they give their kids...

    I think these type of incidents set the wheels of doubts in most shopkeepers, and securities in malls.

    I am not saying that it is ok for them to behave that way...they could have just asked you straight...(that would be rude, but safer than all this emotional wringer right)

    I dont allow my kids to open anything inside the mall...even if i have got it billed.....


    (because i had a very eye opening example...when my daughter was 2..we went hunting for shoes in the bata show room...the saleman was showing shoes to my husband we finalised the purchase..the moment we were at the billing counter...we noticed daughter's legs...she was not wearing the shoes with which she came in...but a new pair of bright red...:bang:bang. Ofcourse we grinned sheepishly and paid for it...it happens sometimes...from then we have learnt to be extra careful...

    My point is just let your kid enjoy his childhood. after all he is 4.5. you cant ask the teacher to change..they are going to tell you that they know what is best for your child. at least at home..we can give them a little space... (My friend told me once, "shanthi your child is an individual in his own right from the day he is born inspite of being your son..:tongue). so let him have the freedom to do what he wants as long as it is within limits..

    Parenting is the hardest thing..what looked right yesterday looks wrong today...it is throught trials and errors we learn along with our children...you are not alone....

    My perspective....
     
  4. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Anandchitra, Shanthi

    Thanks for your response - and it lightens my heart that you do undestand. Yes I understand these kind of incidences happen - deliberatly or by mistake. I think I was particularly upset that day, especially when he came back home from school after a bad day and that was supposed to be his treat. And the fact that I go to the same shop once a week and the guy knows me upset more I guess.

    You know some times, it really helps to speak with other moms and I am glad I did on this forum after both your responses.

    Thanks again.
     
  5. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Srama,

    You are welcome.

    yes it is very informative,nice to share with other moms....
     
  6. rekhas

    rekhas Senior IL'ite

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    SRama,

    I can relate to that. I ask my children to wait until it is paid for. I was in a grocery store last week. My two year old is very enthusiastic to help put things into the cart. He asked if could have a small Hershey bar. Generally, he asks me if we have it at home, and if I tell him we do, he puts it back. On this particular day, I said he could have it just need to wait until it is paid for at the check-out. Cashier rings the bar, and there a clerk bagged our groceries. While I was checking my receipt, my toddler requests for the candy bar. I pull it out of the bag, hand it to him. The clerk face suddenly turns red asked me if that is paid for. I told her feel free to check, you just bagged it. Stress runs high in most of our lives and sure kids are tempted with umpteeen colorful packages. The clerk was embarassed and muttered sorry. I told her she probably had a long day.
     
  7. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Dear all,
    This happens often with my two year old and I am terribly afraid to go to groceries shop with him. He is so fond of gems and the shops also stock them at his hand's reach. Not just his but at the hand's reach of all small kids who have learnt to walk. Of course this is how they could sell it but still moms like me fell terribly afraid.

    So I am forced to take him in the trolley even if I am buying 2 or 3 items. And also it is near the billing counter and so even if I take him in the roundabout way he will see it def when I near the counter. So I will be forced to get him one small packet.

    And it so happens he wants to eat it immediatly and I ask the billing clerk to bill it first and I keep the packet and hand over one piece at a time. So I will still be having the gems when I leave the shop and everyone will be seeing that.

    I have also like Shanti, seen people eating a bar of candy or drinking a pack of juice and throwing them in the dustbin or in one corner of the shop. I have wondered whom they are trying to cheat?
     

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