Parent Teacher conference in USA experience

Do not take appointment with social worker. Surprise is the key. Do you know for sure the meetings are for organizational skills and not behavioral treatment?

Do not let your son meet any adult when you are not sure for what he is meeting her, even in a school setup.

1. Do not say anything to teacher, school or social worker or your child. Just find out when is next meeting, which room it takes place in.
2. Walk in to the meeting a few minutes after it starts, and say that you are going to sit a little away and observe. Don't say what you are going to observe.
3. If social worker does not allow you to be present, ask her to give in writing that it is not allowed and that she is canceling the meeting for that reason.
4. When the meeting is over, ask your child to wait outside. Ask the social worker what the meetings are for, and firmly ask to look at any folders and documents she has.
5. Go to the school office, and ask to look at all of your son's records, including the paperwork for this social worker meeting.
6. As mentioned earlier by another poster, find out who else meets this social worker. What happens in those meetings.

OP, please do not let your child attend any meetings or anything in school other than his classroom teacher or grade teachers without knowing why the meeting is happening, and what is being done in those meetings.

If you do surprise the social worker at the next meeting, it would help to have your husband or a friend outside. To call in as witness or to keep an eye on your child as he waits outside and you talk to the social worker.

 

OP,

Adding to the previous posts and also responding to your first post

- The principal cannot tell you on the phone that the other mom is angry and if behavior repeats, your son will get suspended. Suspension or other action can only be taken if rules that your child and you know ahead of time were broken. The other mom or her son being upset is not your problem or your child's. In the future, if you receive such a call, pause, and be calm and ask for specifics like what school rule your child has not followed. Do not, repeat, do not, accept or acknowledge any fault of your child. Do not say things like, 'Yes, I've talked with my child, and he said...' Do not volunteer more info than you have to.

- The teacher initially did link the social worker meeting to that incident. Only when you said it is resolved, she brought up the organizational skills. I think that organizations skills is bull, almost every 5th grader in the country is disorganized.

- The principal did not walk in to the room just like that. It was to ensure you have signed that paper.

- Did they give you a copy of what you signed? You have a right and should insist on knowing - what is the meeting for? who the social worker reports to? when is the end date of meetings? And so on. And most importantly, how you can withdraw your child from meetings.

- I would be wary of even special ed or mental health workers working with a child unless pediatrician has recommended it, and the meetings are taking place after getting the child formally tested, and second/third opinions sought.

- When you go to meet the principal or social worker or teacher, go with your husband. There is strength in numbers. If he cannot make it, take a friend along. She can wait outside if they don't allow her in the meeting or conversation, but just another person being there counts.

Your doubts and feelings of uncertainty are common among Indians living in the U.S. We are not at all familiar with the procedures and rules. Just remember from now on to be careful in such situations like phone call from principal and signing documents. You can always tell the principal you would like to talk in person or that you need to conference your husband into the call. Signing documents - always bring them home, and go over.

One last thing - a smiling or not-smiling teacher does not mean anything. Don't take a not-smiling teacher as a sign of anything, and don't take a smiling teacher as a sign of things being alright.

Just be careful, think and act. Be calm. There are laws in place and schools are subject to those, though private schools have more leeway and are less subject to scrutiny.