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Pangs of parting...

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by ambika ananth, Apr 23, 2006.

  1. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    O..to be a Mom!

    This topic is daunting!

    Reading Ambika's 'Pangs of Parting' and reading Chitraji's detailed reply, and having read Varalotti's words about these posts, besides those of Sunkan and Meena, I am awestruck. All these words are laden with emotion and sensibilities, especially those faced by a loving parent. How can I add any more to these words or these expressions of love which is at once most tender and painful? Every mother's pride and pain has been described here, these words seem like pearls cascaded on to the paper (monitor?!).

    Ambika, I feel you are especially fortunate. You are still new to your predicament and yet you seem to have gone about it with great wisdom and understanding. Besides,God has gifted you with a talent to write, which you do so beautifully. Like Sridhar says, your parting words to your son are so laden with worldly wisdom, such fine feelings and thoughts. Surely, your sons are lucky to have you as their mom.

    Chitra, what can I say… You seem to be born with the blessings of Devi Meenakshi, no less. The way you have dealt with the parting of your daughter, the son who is a householder in his own right and with your own life after children and age is admirable. Look at what you have done with yourself. Need I say more? Your words are a worthy lesson. Thanks for the same.

    God knows that I have gone through my own trials and tribulations. Not only did I struggle with them being far away for educational purposes, I also had to face challenges of cultural disparity. I don’t think I have always been able to conduct myself with equanimity, but life had its own way of teaching me how to let go. It helped to know that my feelings were also reciprocated by my sweet daughters. In that sense, I am fortunate.

    Anyways, thanks for all this rich insight into your feelings and how you have dealt with it. It will reinforce our belief in what is right and what is sensible in this delicate balancing act dealing with our own flesh and blood and our all!


    Love,
    Kamla
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 25, 2006
  2. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Meena !

    Dear Meena,
    We can never learn enough by reading about detached attachment. Only by experiencing & accepting that there is no other choice, the impact of those words strike us !
    Thanks for your nice words.
    Love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
  3. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear Ambika !

    I have heard that you keep yourself very busy always with various projects on hand.
    Now comes a time when you have to keep yourself " more and more" busy with activities so that you will have " less and less " time to think of missing the boys.
    Love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
  4. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sridhar !

    I can't say whether my life is a lesson, but all that I write in this site are the life lessons, I learnt over the years !
    You write that my young sweet Manasvini adores me. But now I tell you that she is literally drooling over how charming a family Varalotti Uncle's is !
    Thankyou for the nice words.
    Love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
  5. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamla, you have experienced all these, as well !

    We don't plan & deal with situations in life always. The mother in every woman surfaces at the right time by God's grace and if we just flow with the tide smoothly, we go in the right direction.
    Thanks for your nice words.
    love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
  6. nuggehallipankaja

    nuggehallipankaja New IL'ite

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    happy birthday, dear Ambika

    Today, April-25th is the birthday Of Ambika. Yes, I am a bit late in informing you IL-all, who are her ardent admirers, but better late than never. Now that her lovely sons- Rajesh and Mahesh are faraway, your greetings will cheer her up.

    Nuggehalli Pankaja
     
  7. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Ambika,
    I loved the way you have worded what all the mother's heart
    (and father's heart ) will feel when we have to part from our children who go so far away from us , though it is for education or job. I have only one daughter and last year when she left me to study in an uni, i could not bear it and one whole year before that i was dreading this parting that i was sick with depression, and no one could understand whtat it was! Like Chitra rightly says , it is easy to talk that we should not stand in their way, but the pains we have to go through , and come out of it is something which is very individual and cannot be shared ...
    But i loved your parting words...i did not say anyting like this to my daughter , but now again on monday she will leave me after being with me for 3 weeks and this time i will give her YOUR WORDS...they were simply great and has so much of truth and love! Every parting makes me await the next meeting eagerly... almost killing me ...
    Well i am also learning to be detached and with IL with us we can all cope with these partings and help each other cope better!
     
  8. ambika ananth

    ambika ananth Bronze IL'ite

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    thanks Sudha..saw your sweet response late..

    Dear Sudha

    Thanks for liking my write-up. Its not easy to send our children to far off shores and not at all easy to tell them how we miss them, how deep is the heart-ache..but somehow we should tell them in words , as somebody said,

    " so much of love and wisdom
    packed inside, unbidden
    the love completely visible
    the wisdom wisely hidden'...

    They will love that one-on-one interaction with moms, a warm hug, though outwardly they may protest ( I am talking about sons..daughters are darlings..they love mom's hugs..)
    Send your daughter with all your blessings- along with blessings, mother's sweetness, goodness and firmness are cushions children carry along in the journey of life...

    love and regards
    ambika
     
  9. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Ya true Ambika, that way daughter's are better when we have to share our motions...yesterday i was hugging her throughout and coud not bear to part from her....and seeing her standing so lonely at her door and waving to me made my heart dive deeper within, what a holow feeling. I wonder sometimes why Godmade all those feelings...but well everything has its place in life and so have to accept this also i guess!
    Anyway fwded today these words of your also....i am sure she will appreciate the thoughts and love behind all this!
    But in a way i shouldnot crib, too much, ican always at the drop of a hat can visit her, or she can drop by....but still it is not like having her around all the time...
    anyway enough of this, i am happy to be interacting with everyone....so let#s take enjoyment in all this and be strong now.
     
  10. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    very moving

    Dear Ambika,
    I went thru this write up many times. It is very wonderful, you have expressed your feelings, of all mothers, very well. This is a good example for mothers whose children are growing up.
    Dear Chitvish,
    as usual, we all get a good example from your experience. Your option of children living independently is very good. When people get emotional space, they are more compatible. I guess it will be difficult when the son nd family say that they have other plans than when the daughter says so. We are emotionally tuned for the scene where the daughter to gives priority for her husband and family. The same does not apply to the son.
    I was not very close to my mother, I am rather close to my younger sister and two cousin sisters. I used to do even stitch their dresses and fulfil their requirements, taking their sides with the elders at home. I was more attached to my friends. So when I came to Chennai after marriage, I did not feel very sad or cry when I said good bye. But all my sisters cried bitterly for 3-4 days. I missed them all and was eager to visit them.
    My son was born in the 7th month and I had to care for him by myself, nobody was allowed to even touch him. So naturally we both developed a very strong bondage. When he was a child, he could not even bear anybody raising their voices against me, even his father. But with age, he has changed and he has his diagreements with me. I have made up my mind that, this is the way the world works. I will remember each and every moment I spend with him and all the physical troubles he underwent etc. But he is young to understand all that now, may be later in life he will know what I had gone thro. I usually send him to my home for the summer holidays to my brother and wife. SHe doesn't have children and she feels very happy when I send my son there. I do miss him but I want him to get such experiences. More important, I do not feel that my son will get attached to other people and love me less. Wherever he is, whatever he is, he is my son and I am his mother. I am not afraid to let him go.
    My elder sil is always afraid to let go of her daughter.That child is the first grandchild in the family and we all shower our love and affection on her. We never try to separate her from her mother, we also love her very much. But our sil could not bear it when her daughter loves others also. She tries to keep her daughter for herself. But the tragedy is, the daughter had to be with the grandmother for 5 years to have good schooling, then do her graduation away from home and is now with me to do her PG. She will have to stay here itself for employment also. As much as my sil wanted to keep her daughter to herself, she had to be away from her much of the time.
    My husband will find it very difficult to be away from my son than me. On the first day my son went to school, the child did not cry. But my husband could not bear to leave the child at school and waited outside till school was over, he did this for a week. The teachers had to choo him away. I have said too much and think it is high time I stopped. But I think all mothers could go on and on about their children. Sorry for taking so much of your time.
    With warm wishes,
    varloo
     

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