Overwhelming Socialization In The Community ... Please Give Me Advise

anika987 · Nov 7, 2024

Rihana said: ↑

The method suggested below may not align with your organic approach to forming and managing friendships, but here it is:

Back in my day, women joining a new company were advised to prove themselves first by making valuable contributions, then ask for accommodations like WFH or flexible hours. Using this strategy, if I were you, I’d attend events regularly, participate genuinely, and become a valuable member. After that, I’d gradually reduce my attendance and strategically increase it around festive times. Have a good reusable excuse to skip events such as an online class you attend with an instructor based in India.

You’d need to stick with this method for just another 1-2 years. Once your child is in 7th or 8th grade, their social life will no longer be tied to yours, allowing you to detach more easily from such community groups. In fact, in the intense high school years, I'd suggest actively avoiding community moms. : )

I’ve seen this strategy work firsthand in many local groups. Women actively participate for 2-3 months, then disappear, only to resurface when fun events are planned. No one scolds them; they get multiple warm welcome back messages. Such patterns of participation are also useful in FB groups and online forums too, where less frequent posters often stand out more than daily attendance ones. : )
Click to expand...

Thanks Rihanna actually I will take ur advice and change my way with words.Its always good to learn from mistakes .Also I usually am
Polite and attend functions and all but I was overwhelmed with their outing when we just met four days back.Again Sunday there is anyway another get together..I understand they r extroverts and actually nice of them to
Invite but I have reservations maybe due to my past and my mental
Wiring and I wish I could change but I get anxious

lavani · Nov 7, 2024

anika987 said: ↑

Yeah maybe but can u help?

I need some suggestions
Click to expand...

sorry . i just joked as a friend. not meant in any way to insult you. Apologies again if this bothered. you can request moderator to remove that comment.

As sgbv mentioned, just be respectful but assertive.

Also i feel it might die down too soon. after couple of weeks, i do not think people have the tolerance to keep this is adrenaline rush or do something all the time . if it does not , wow. I am quite sure i cannot handle every week. I need some weeks where i do not do anything and sit home ,watch some tv and sleep.

anika987 · Nov 7, 2024

lavani said: ↑

sorry . i just joked as a friend. not meant in any way to insult you. Apologies again if this bothered. you can request moderator to remove that comment.

As sgbv mentioned, just be respectful but assertive.

Also i feel it might die down too soon. after couple of weeks, i do not think people have the tolerance to keep this is adrenaline rush or do something all the time . if it does not , wow. I am quite sure i cannot handle every week. I need some weeks where i do not do anything and sit home ,watch some tv and sleep.
Click to expand...

don’t worry about it I wasn’t even thinking in those terms..I just wanted to get to that advise part pretty quickly

as u said hopefully it settles down..

I mean all of them are working mothers even if they r wfh and kids etc..how do they find time and energy every weekend..kudos honestly

for me
Once in few months works for me..am a true ambivert

Every week..and Saturday also some function with them..

paru123 · Nov 7, 2024

anika987 said: ↑

I seriously need help on this issue.

I am in a group in my community who are mothers to kids of the same age group as mine and so all 8 to 10 families are added. Once in a while get together etc. is fine..

Now separate men group and separate ladies group have started..

And all of these people are extreme extroverts, they socialize every weekend am not kidding!!

We just met last weekend and today they messaged in the group another place to go for the weekend!

Already ladies alone go out a lot and men alone and now group and every weekend ...it’s draining for me as an ambivert/introvert..

Seriously people should u seats d not everyone is cut out for socialization...I already refused few times and indirectly let them know am not interested in parties that way..

every week is a nightmare for me and it creates anxiety and heart palpitations. I loathe it!!

Yes people are gonna say they are being nice and inviting but I don’t want this social group dynamics and that too every weekend!

Things are worse as they are in the same community and kids same class..

Anyways I can’t see myself doing this for more number of years..

the men seemed to get it! They actually formed a subgroup and only four men are there now who wants to party

Ladies absolutely don’t understand! Myself and another lady but lucky her ..she is too homely and they automatically decided she might not socialize but I want them to just let me go

I don’t want to ruffle any feathers as they r in the same community and shouldn’t affect my kid..

How to handle?
Click to expand...

I have been in the same situation. I was fed up of the frequent meetings. Once a while it's ok. It started with kids birthday parties, then mother's birthday, then anniversary party, husbands birthday party and then all silly/major reasons to party. Joined them initially but later gave excuses for not joining. Some (A type) could understand that I don't like so much partying, whereas some ladies(B type) used it against me. And now they (B) treat me like a stranger. I am actually feeling pretty bad about being isolated. They have nothing to share with me now. I am trying my best to not be bothered by B types behaviors and trying to maintain good relation with A types.

anika987 · Nov 8, 2024

paru123 said: ↑

I have been in the same situation. I was fed up of the frequent meetings. Once a while it's ok. It started with kids birthday parties, then mother's birthday, then anniversary party, husbands birthday party and then all silly/major reasons to party. Joined them initially but later gave excuses for not joining. Some (A type) could understand that I don't like so much partying, whereas some ladies(B type) used it against me. And now they (B) treat me like a stranger. I am actually feeling pretty bad about being isolated. They have nothing to share with me now. I am trying my best to not be bothered by B types behaviors and trying to maintain good relation with A types.
Click to expand...

I am able to understand..people immediately assume just because we are aloof.I am ready to Provide any help,carpool etc and attend functions and am also polite.Thats more than enough for me. I understand some get their energy from Constant interactions but for me my energy is my quiet and peace.Order food and tv time..