Overwhelming Socialization In The Community ... Please Give Me Advise

First some unsolicited advice - consider this version of your quandary:

I’m feeling overwhelmed by frequent social events in my community, where most people are extroverts. As an ambivert/introvert, the constant invitations cause me anxiety. I’ve tactfully declined a few times but still feel pressured to attend as all the plans happen in the main group. The men who like to party often formed a smaller subgroup, but the women don’t understand my pace of socialization. I’m looking for advice on how to handle this without causing conflict or affecting my child's social or school life.

This wording avoid judgments like "these people are extreme extroverts,", "they socialize every weekend, no kidding", "the ladies absolutely don’t understand", "she’s too homely,” and some seeming overstatements like nightmares, heart palpitations, loathe it.

I learned it the very hard way that I often speak without a filter, and my words come back to bite me. I now try to keep judgements out of my talk, even in the most informal or private setting. Just shortening my sentences goes a long way in softening the overall effect. You might end up discussing the group's dynamics with one or more of the women, and unwittingly some judgements will pop out if you are not careful. My biggest mistake was to let down my guard and speak informally when talking with 1 or 2 of the group who seemed different than the others.

I know you don't mean to judge those women at all, but our thoughts and feelings tend to show up in our body language and facial expressions like subtitles even if we don't voice them.

OK - done with random ramble. : )

 

The method suggested below may not align with your organic approach to forming and managing friendships, but here it is:

Back in my day, women joining a new company were advised to prove themselves first by making valuable contributions, then ask for accommodations like WFH or flexible hours. Using this strategy, if I were you, I’d attend events regularly, participate genuinely, and become a valuable member. After that, I’d gradually reduce my attendance and strategically increase it around festive times. Have a good reusable excuse to skip events such as an online class you attend with an instructor based in India.

You’d need to stick with this method for just another 1-2 years. Once your child is in 7th or 8th grade, their social life will no longer be tied to yours, allowing you to detach more easily from such community groups. In fact, in the intense high school years, I'd suggest actively avoiding community moms. : )

I’ve seen this strategy work firsthand in many local groups. Women actively participate for 2-3 months, then disappear, only to resurface when fun events are planned. No one scolds them; they get multiple warm welcome back messages. Such patterns of participation are also useful in FB groups and online forums too, where less frequent posters often stand out more than daily attendance ones. : )

 

Very valid suggestion. And quite easy to implement with the WhatsApp "communities" feature. For example, for my local area we have a WhatsApp Community called "Parkview", and in that we have regular WhatsApp groups named "Parkview all streets", "Parkview - Johnson elementary", Parkview - Desi moms", "Neighborhood Night out 2024", "Garage Sale 10/25" and so on. Some groups get archived after the event. The groups under a Community all show up like bullet points.

In your neighborhood's case, there'd be one Community, and under that "Main group", "All men", "Partying men", "All women", "11/9 party", ...

Done. : ) I will go sort my closet. : ) That thread has been nagging me in my head since I read it. : )