Overintrusive Relative

If they are inviting your SIL to stay with them, guess it's a good thing. Let her go, she will have a change in place, might help her mental health and will give you sometime to clear things at your place and live at peace for a while.

If you are thinking they are going to poison her mind against you, whether she goes there or not, they're anyway doing it.

Let them take care of her for a few days while you chill.

 

My personal experience is that I should not talk to relatives about other relatives whom they know. Same with friends. If I find someone to be intrusive or deliberately rude, I simply try to keep away from them. That is the only thing that has worked in life consistently. If you want to vent, do it with someone who doesnt know the person you are venting about. In general venting and explaining backfires. What is wrong with your SIL has more to do with her trying to come to terms with the circumstances of her life, albeit unsuccessfuly. Added to the fact that she lives with you. If a relative blames you for your strained relationship with another closer relative openly - then state your contribution to the relationship. Then ask where you are wrong. Next ask them for a solution to make it better. Most people just talk to poke and create further issues. They dont have any solution. Be very guarded with such people in the future - this is the trailer to the movie called them. If asked indirectly - feign that you did not understand the question. Unless they ask in as many words, never reply to these kind of questions.

ILs have a greater bonding with each other. The DIL invariably becomes a scapegoat in their manipulations. Learn your lesson and try not to mix friendships with IL relationships. Unless an IL has proved to be a friend, treat them only as ILs. Thats my experience and understanding.

 

Don't discuss your relationship with anyone. Stop justifying yourself. Do what is right and ignore the rest. Be polite and warm. people can judge for themselves. If they can't, you will do well yo stay away from them and lead your life indifferent to them. Do what suits you. Push back what you can't do. Prioritise yourself, your husband and child. Let the rest be in awe or burn with jealousy. not your problem either way.

 

If they invite your SIL and if she wants to go, you have no control over this situation. There is no point worrying over something you cannot control. You discussed your SIL with her and whats done is done. Do not introduce any new friends of yours to her.
What you can do is distance yourself from this relative/neighbour. If she talks to you, asks you about your family, do not respond or react. When someone asks deliberately about personal matters, it is not mandatory to give an answer all the time. Turn deaf ears to what she says. Be calm and silent. Keep yourself busy and make excuses when she asks to meet up. Unless you make her realise that you are not ok with her behaviour, she will always take you for granted.

You can be present in the same group and continue ignoring her. Like it or not, be nice to your SIL. Treat her like how you will treat any unknown person. Beyond that she is not your responsibility.

 

If you have no relationship problems with others, then we can blindly blame your "relative" for the mess she has created according to your post. But your posts says that you have problems with keeping up the relationships; thus no relationship has gone great in your life so far.
This shows that you have some problem within yourself to be addressed.
Perhaps, that's one of the reasons why you are distanced from your neighbor and SIL, and from this relative too.
Now, adding fuel to the fire, you have shared your frustration about your SIL to this relative, and this got backfired.

My advice is... If you are not great at keeping relationship, work for that.
Don't share your personal problems with others who know your family. If you feel like venting, come here to vent.
Don't try to justify yourself or ask for forgiveness. Leave it, and let it pass.

 

@Sapna56 some problems take time to get resolved. your problem with SIL is like that only. it will get solved with time. be polite to you nosey relative (NR) but keep away from her. if your friends group is large, you can give NR a slip after saying hello, how are you. it is good that your SIL is responding to your offer of friendship. try to have a pleasant relationship with her. you cannot control where SIL goes. please stop worrying about it. i know you would be, but there isnt much use doing it. i dont know anything about your ILs so would refrain from commenting on it. but if your SIL is sensible and and wants a pleasant relationship with you being generally friendly, things should work out in the long run. thats my opinion.

 

when they have blamed you for your SIL situation, you should have told them to stay away from your family matters, instead of explaining them.
If they want to be god father to your SIL and inlaws and want to host them, let them do it. people true colors come out very soon. they can not snatch your inlaws and sil from you, and if they do whats better than that ...
whenever you meet them in get togethers, just exchange formal and polite conversations with them, you dont have any need to be over friendly with them.

 

its the wish of many people that some of their relative go away and they dont have to see their faces again ....but it doesnt happen, and if one goes, some other of same kind arrive, so better to learn to handle these kind of people.