Overfriendly nature of kid -- please help

AmritaPoorni · Jul 13, 2013

Hi Friends,

I want to discuss with you all about a problem which I am facing with my 20 months old daughter. She is over friendly (I don't know if I am using the correct term). We stay in an apartment with not much friends here. I am working from home. In the evenings I take her to terrace and she meets few people in our apartments daily. But as soon as she sees someone she throws her hand out and starts crying so that they take her. Once she is in their arms she will say tata byebye to me and is ready to go anywhere with them. If I try to take her she will start screaming.

Weekends we take her out to park or shopping and she enjoys. Earlier I used to think she is going to strangers because we are not taking her out frequently but still she has the same habit. We go to our native place for a week vacation once in 2-3 months and there we will be travelling almost everyday but still she is more excited to go to others. When in a children's park, she will not be playing with other kids but she will go to their mothers and want them to pick her up and take her somewhere. She will not allow them to pick their own kids. I sometimes feel really hurt and embarrassed when she refuses to come to me.

This becomes more difficult with strangers when we are traveling. We normally travel by car or two-wheeler. But twice I traveled by bus and she will start crying to go to the stranger sitting next to me or anyone who is standing in the bus.

In our nearby flat there is a family with 2 girls, one is 4.5 yrs old and the other 2 yrs old. These kids come to our flat to play with my daughter but she will not play with them and she wants their mother to carry her for the entire time. When they leave, I need to pull her away and she will be crying for sometime. I feel very bad when the other lady has to carry my daughter for so long standing . Even if we take her to other kids home, she wants to go to their mothers. I have been noticing this habit from the time she is 9 months old. I have tried scolding her once the other people leave and we are alone, she will just look down for sometime then again start playing.. I tried talking to her in a loving way and showering lots of love, kisses and hugs, I tried showing love in front of others so that she comes to me and even tried scolding her in front of others but nothing worked. As soon as the other people leave and we are left alone at home, she will come running to me and start doing some comic actions so that I laugh.. I feel that she knows once others leave I will be angry.. I have tried not talking to her and responding to her for sometime after others leave.. she seems to understand for sometime but then after all she is a kid and she gets distracted to some other thing..

My maid comes home twice a day and she will start crying because she wants to got to her. So nowadays I make her sleep at that time or stay in bed with her when the maid comes. My kid somehow has understood that its a regular routine and so now she does not cry to go to her but I need to be near her to avoid that. But with others she is still the same. When we go out walking or shopping, she will try to get other people's attention and smile at them. As soon as someone smiles back at her, she will throw up her arms and start crying so that they take her. I know she is just a small kid but as a mother I really get hurt when she goes to strangers and does not come back to me. I feel as if I am a stranger to her. If no one else is there then we two are always playing and I always hug her, kiss her and express love. She does the same back.

Yesterday whole night I could not sleep thinking of this and then I decided to take help from my IL friends. Sorry friends for such a long post, but I wanted to make sure I give you all the details. I somehow feel something somewhere is going wrong and I need to take action at this early stage itself. She stays with me and avoids strangers only when she is not well. Have any one of you faced a similar problem. Please help me friends....

Love,
AmritaPoorni

Dinny · Jul 14, 2013

Amrita
I would say dont worry...with time your child will change.
At this age children dont understand the "stranger danger".
But try to instill that "you should not talk to ppl with whom mamma and daddy are not friendly".
But dont squash down the child's behaviour completely as then later on you might see your child turning shy.
And one more thing that friendliness stems from what children see their most influential people in their lives do. If as parents we are outgoing, confident, polite and engage in socials with our children, this behaviour becomes the norm to them. Never underestimate the power and influence of our behaviour on children. We set the blueprint on how children percieve the world from a very young age...
Dont worry right now your child is too young so just keep an eye on her is all i would say.

sangeethaamar · Jul 14, 2013

Hug to you.
My DS is 18 month and he does this.but doesn't cry ,he will want the others to carry him and play with him.he will not turn to me when we are out and busy running around .but in parks he is more towards the kids.may be after some time she may change.
I can understand how you must be feeling,I always think that my kid is bored of seeing my face whole day so he is interested to play with others.
As @Dinny say just keep a eye on her.

anmolhai · Jul 14, 2013

This is the age when they are becoming confident with their social skills and want to practice them. They become friendly and their need to explore the world makes them do these things. I wouldn't worry too much abt it. You have some grt advice from Dinny .

AmritaPoorni · Jul 15, 2013

Thank you Dinny, sangeetha and anmol for your valuable suggestions. Yesterday we took her to park and I noticed that she is going to the elder kids and asking them to pick her up. When they do not respond, she goes to their mothers. Yesterday she tried this few times but I was always behind her and each time she tried to go to someone I distracted her with something or some games. This worked well yesterday and she did not go to any stranger.

I think I will have to follow this routine of distracting her every time she tries to go to a stranger till she is old enough to understand what we say.

Once again thank you my dear friends for your valuable suggestions.

Love,
AmritaPoorni

TDR · Jul 15, 2013

Dear Amrita,

my DD also does exactly the same... she is also 20 months old. i used to wonder if at all any kid do this. now i feel i am not alone.. no clue why they do so anyways...

as i go to work, she does this to my mother.. my mother literally had to drag her to home back if they go out. as i am not @ home during day time, she dont have any issue coming to her, but my mother feels very bad.. me too dont have any idea how to handle her.

TDR

AmritaPoorni · Jul 16, 2013

Hi TDR,

Same here dear. Even I used to wonder if at all any kid does like this. But as I said in my previous post, nowadays I try distracting her. But it is possible only when we go to a park or somewhere outside. If we go to a friend's house, then it becomes difficult to manage. I have a birthday party next week of my friend's kid. So thinking of ways how to manage her.

As other IL friends mentioned, I think the only solution to this now is to just wait till they grow a little older so that we can explain to them.

Love,
AmritaPoorni

Rakhii · Jul 16, 2013

Follow what others said Amrita. I am sorry, I dont have anything new to add. I just want to let you know that dont feel bad. She loves you a lot. Dont feel guilty. You are an excellent momma.

AmritaPoorni · Jul 17, 2013

Thank you Rakhii for your wonderful words..

Love,
AmritaPoorni

golumolu · Jul 17, 2013

Hi Amrita,

Your typed my DD story. She is 18 months and does the same. I also feel embarrassed sometimes when she refused to come back to me in front of stranger. I also got the same advice as other IL's are giving here..just wait and she will start identifying the difference between strangers and her own ppl.